tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7801531430325788593.post560443050483696843..comments2023-10-30T05:13:10.006-05:00Comments on A Queen and her Knight: Musing Aloud, On Paper.... Angeliquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06079421215693265281noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7801531430325788593.post-62864237198508465472014-11-01T19:28:41.220-05:002014-11-01T19:28:41.220-05:00I love how you try to figure him out and how much ...I love how you try to figure him out and how much you want to help him. I hope Miss V is teh same, although from my overcrowded brain, I cannot see it.vs-boyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04715617491485385267noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7801531430325788593.post-30194951162789248282014-10-29T10:19:27.516-05:002014-10-29T10:19:27.516-05:00All your observations are correct, except one. I s...All your observations are correct, except one. I said my MIL -Mother in law... his mother.. dislikes non dominant men. My mother has no influence on us at all. And, I must dispute the use of the word "wimpy" on your part. I seriously dislike that word, and I never meant to imply it's use. <br /><br />Other than that? Yes, his experiences with his ex still effect him today. I don't blame him for that. I know what went on, and she was enough to mess anybody up. <br /><br />Yeah, it's hard from him to open up. He is trying. And he talks to me more than he ever has anyone else. He has always lived in a world of "hide your feelings so they can't use them against you." He learned that in elementary school.. and it's been reinforced by those around him most of his life. He tells me that I'm the first person he's ever been even remotely open with. He is trying.. We had an good, honest talk last night.<br /><br />As far as his parents.. yeah, their attitudes are at play here. We will work through all of this.... there is hope. I'll post about last nights conversation later today. <br /><br />Angeliquehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06079421215693265281noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7801531430325788593.post-34062550614838577672014-10-29T08:17:42.014-05:002014-10-29T08:17:42.014-05:00Over the years, you have often mentioned a couple ...Over the years, you have often mentioned a couple of things quite repetitively: <br />1 his ex. You refer often to this. You often mention her quite a bit and it always is a negative comment. I don't know what went on. Don't really care. But I wonder if things happened there that now impact how he relates, or wants to relate to you.<br />2 you often talk about his inability to open up. This is something that baffles my mind because I just can't relate but if he can't understand his own feelings how in the world are you ever going to help him? He needs to be able to open up to someone so that they can help him see what he can't with respect to what's going on in his head.<br />3 I found the comment about his mother hating his father quite interesting as it relates to the above two comments. You wonder if all of this feeds one another on multiple levels.<br />4 you mentioned your mother dislikes wimpy man. And that may also feed his insecurity just as much as his own mother feeds his insecurity by comparing him to his father.<br /><br />This is all so far beyond my capabilities to understand let alone solve.<br />I'm-Hershttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04303339046471886645noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7801531430325788593.post-15630104142928809432014-10-28T12:54:00.190-05:002014-10-28T12:54:00.190-05:00You are absolutely correct. We do FLR for knight, ...You are absolutely correct. We do FLR for knight, not for me. I have always allowed knight a good bit of say in all this. The reasons are simple - he never asked for it. FLR was my idea. I was acting on a hunch that I had about him based on things he'd said and done over the years. If my knight had come to me and flat out told me "I want you to take charge of everything, I want a D/s type relationship" or something similar, this would be easier for me. <br />I have always been a strong woman. I've always known what I want, and how to go about getting it. As a strong woman you learn fast that showing that strength isn't always "socially acceptable." Especially when dealing with a significant other. I've gone to great lengths over the years to curb my natural tendency to lead and control my sig. other. I've lost several relationships because they guy couldn't handle my dominant personality. So, whenever knight shows signs of questioning the dynamic, I back off. If he had asked for this, it wouldn't be so hard for me. But, he didn't and I've spent the last several years wondering if I "forced" him into it. That's why understanding why FLR works for him, and what he gets out of it is so important to me. Angeliquehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06079421215693265281noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7801531430325788593.post-70781653567640756692014-10-28T08:55:16.375-05:002014-10-28T08:55:16.375-05:00Forgive the typo in the very first word Madame Que...Forgive the typo in the very first word Madame Queen!sub hub in phxhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17489169642204094414noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7801531430325788593.post-15065083413580671132014-10-28T08:49:26.207-05:002014-10-28T08:49:26.207-05:00Damdame Queen .... if I may be honest with an opin...Damdame Queen .... if I may be honest with an opinion that may be perceived as being critical.<br /><br />The first and primary thing that came to mind while reading your post was a question. That question was .... Why would even allow such behavior? It seems to me that the dynamic your relationship may be such that you tend to adjust how feel, or deciding on the way you should react, based on whether or not your "submissive" has decided that he wants to play along. As such, he is topping from the botto. Probably not on purpose mind you, butit seems to me that is the dynamic at play here.<br /><br />Rather than allowing him to behave the way he wants (or even doesn't want), pull him back into line and expect exactly the kind of behavior from him that YOU want.<br /><br />Please forgive me for speaking so forwardly. Like you I wanted to throw down the words as they came to me and then hit "publish"<br /><br />Best regards.sub hub in phxhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17489169642204094414noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7801531430325788593.post-48251553797350123082014-10-27T21:29:27.128-05:002014-10-27T21:29:27.128-05:00OK so I seem to be depressed to varying degrees th...OK so I seem to be depressed to varying degrees these days. Ranges from very depressed in my non medial self diagnosis way to happy but there is an undercurrent of sadness / depression / discontent.<br /><br />So for me I tend to be very introspective and self critical and at the same time I will be wishing for different behaviour from her blaming her. Neither of which objectively is any use but I do it anyway.<br /><br />Personally my suggestion would be sexual tease. For me there is something very intimate about that. I would also love a good flogging. Fight it - sure. Introspectively ask myself why I was so silly as to allow myself to be in this position of pain. submanhubhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04979339663861061771noreply@blogger.com