tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7801531430325788593.post2169777338223981694..comments2023-10-30T05:13:10.006-05:00Comments on A Queen and her Knight: Communication (or Lack of Thereof) is a BitchAngeliquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06079421215693265281noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7801531430325788593.post-20937914193412082962012-04-26T16:45:56.046-05:002012-04-26T16:45:56.046-05:00I just might at that. Pushing his limits a bit mig...I just might at that. Pushing his limits a bit might be the only way to find his limits and opinions. Good point.Angeliquehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06079421215693265281noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7801531430325788593.post-19318020909040225562012-04-26T16:44:27.035-05:002012-04-26T16:44:27.035-05:00He's not much of a talker, especially when it ...He's not much of a talker, especially when it come to talking about how he's feeling. Heck, a lot of the time he doesn't know how he's feeling and so can't even begin to talk about it.Angeliquehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06079421215693265281noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7801531430325788593.post-75692458171018276522012-04-26T16:39:30.779-05:002012-04-26T16:39:30.779-05:00I have told him. More than once in fact. I've ...I have told him. More than once in fact. I've done everything I can think of short of shocking the hell out of him to get an answer.I've tried edging him to get him to talk and got the same answer I always get. Sure, he answered me.. "I love you, babe and I just want you to be happy. That's my whole purpose in this life." <br /><br />I asked him to write it out for me. Even put it in his Google Calendar with detailed instructions of the questions I want him to think about and answer. Told him I won't even read it until he's good and ready for me to.<br /><br />That was a week and a half ago. I gave him a deadline of tomorrow. And he hasn't started it yet. Part of that is purely time and space related. He can't write personal stuff with the kids around, or when we're rushed for time. So, I'm going to extend his deadline a few days and arrange for some kid free time for us.Angeliquehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06079421215693265281noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7801531430325788593.post-71463635128127306542012-04-26T04:10:14.400-05:002012-04-26T04:10:14.400-05:00Tell him what you have just told us, assuming you ...Tell him what you have just told us, assuming you haven't already. If you have, then I suspect he might be embarassed about what he would really like. reassure him that you want to know, or maybe just demand to know.<br /><br />If it helps, give him written headings like Domestic chores, punishments, personal services, interaction (how he would like to be treated and how he would like to treat you), and tell him to fill it in.<br /><br />I wish Jane would just ask me, show an interest like you.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7801531430325788593.post-901380559536723112012-04-25T22:32:26.532-05:002012-04-25T22:32:26.532-05:00I have asked him to write it down.. several times,...I have asked him to write it down.. several times, in fact.Time is not always on our side. Many nights we both intend to set aside time for his writing -- either journal time or time for his current WIP, but with 3 young kids and a teenager at home time is often elusive. I need to make it a bigger priority.Angeliquehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06079421215693265281noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7801531430325788593.post-13846108185752050542012-04-25T18:21:17.505-05:002012-04-25T18:21:17.505-05:00Guys like a challenge. He has said "whatever ...Guys like a challenge. He has said "whatever makes you happy" well Tell him what you want and let him deal with it. My suspicion is that he will go to great lengths. <br /><br />In my case, I would love my wife to be more direct. I would also like her to have some fun with the submission thing. Tease me, make me do stuff infront of her girlfriends. The sexual tension builds the relationship. Makes it stronger.<br /><br />I like to talk. Maybe your guy doesn't or maybe he is afraid of saying the wrong thing?submanhubhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04979339663861061771noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7801531430325788593.post-3344879248763217962012-04-25T10:35:41.950-05:002012-04-25T10:35:41.950-05:00Angelique,
A couple of thoughts came to mind:
1. ...Angelique,<br />A couple of thoughts came to mind:<br /><br />1. This statement from SH is significant: If he continues to be a blank slate in response to your requests, perhaps simply take him up on his response to just do things that sincerely make you happy<br /><br />2. In that light a comment I often make to Katie is "you're the Domme, do whatever you want"<br /><br />3. It be nice to hear comments from Dominant women on this to get a female perspective<br /><br />4. You may want to try doing things that you have an interest in that may stretch him to find out just where he stands. For example, if you walked into the room with a chastity device and told him you were going to lock him up for the next three weeks, I bet you'd get an opinion on that decision of yours. If you told him you wanted him to wear a bow around his neck to work I'd bet he'd voice his opinion. I bet if you told him to shave his body hair from the neck down, I think he'd speak up. In other words if you want to get conversation going beyond the 'I just want to keep you happy' I'm sure a devious Angelique could figure out ways of getting that to happen :)I'm-Hershttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04303339046471886645noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7801531430325788593.post-28676498244055442632012-04-25T07:33:27.924-05:002012-04-25T07:33:27.924-05:00Mistress Angelique,
I like both your approach and...Mistress Angelique,<br /><br />I like both your approach and what Mr. RA is suggesting.<br /><br />My wife and I too had set aside a few moments each night. I would go over what I had done for her that day and also it would be a time I could verbalize other aspects.<br /><br />Sometime when two people live together a long time, a partner is afraid to speak their mind because they already think they know what the other person will say in response. I know this is true for me. As an example, I worked from home for several years. During my 'stealth submission' phase (before I told my wife) I would often wear a red ribbon around my neck as a chocker and make believe that my wife had told me to do so as a sign of my subservience to her. It would be a long time before I was ever able to verbalize this to her, as I was afraid of her reaction.<br /><br />One technique I had heard of, is to edge (bring your husband close to orgasm and then let go of the him to stop the stimulation. Do this a few times and then he is said to be more open to revealing things he has hidden.<br /><br />Also, I sometimes find, as Mr. RA is suggesting, that sending her e-mails and txt msgs I can write my feelings out with more liberty then if I was in the room with her. Perhaps open an electronic medium with your husband through the day if you both have cell phones. Perhaps you will gain insight that way.<br /><br />If he continues to be a blank slate in response to your requests, perhaps simply take him up on his response to just do things that sincerely make you happy. This may take some time for you to discover. My wife had a long time of this too, but now finds her leasiur time something she values and enjoys. She exercises after work, knowing I am tending the children and cooking dinner. She enjoys catching up on FaceTime and playing scrabble with her friends on her new iPad that she bought for herself. She also enjoys the DVR recordings of her TV shows. Often I am directed to massage her too. There are lots of ways you can find to enjoy yourself and if that is what he is asking you to do, I do not see the harm in letting him see you do so. I think you may find you flaunting your enjoyment as he is relegated to menial tasks to be something he finds enjoyment in himself.<br /><br />Sincerely,<br /><br />-SHWalter H. Schulze IIIhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00137440229102629342noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7801531430325788593.post-55841230809513099342012-04-25T06:09:07.071-05:002012-04-25T06:09:07.071-05:00Perhaps you might try asking him to write it down ...Perhaps you might try asking him to write it down for you? I know myself how difficult it is to say things face to face sometimes... getting him to write it down would give him time and space to think for himself and let it out. Good luck.Robert_Anthonyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06193097822549421108noreply@blogger.com