I'm back. Short version..I got super busy with work and family stuff and let this blog go. Which would have been okay....except that I also let the FLR aspect of our lives go too. It wasn't intentional..it just kind of happened. And my Knight and I started arguing and bickering and things just slowly started to backslide until I found myself thinking that my life and my kids' lives would be a lot smoother and less stressful without him. That led me to wonder how in the hell we got THERE again.
I talked to my Knight and we decided that we need to keep a tight handle on FLR things and really keep up on our rules and expectations. I tend to let things slide because as my Knight tells me he "does not have a strong need for me to control him", He "has a strong need for me to be happy with him."
For me to be happy with him, I need him to keep his word, do his part around the house and with the kids, and be emotionally open and available to me most of the time. For some reason.. my Knight has little idea how do do those things in everyday life....he gets comfort and security from having me run things and give him a daily task list.. Without my guidance and "control" he gets anxious, depressed and has no idea what do do first. Even when we're not actively living flr, he looks to me for guidance in every decision. The flr comes in when he doesn't follow through on his daily task list. Without flr, he misses tasks, blows things off, or forgets things and, after a week or so of this and me having to go back and do those things he didn't do.. I get angry and we start bickering. But.. With FLR my Knight is punished for not completing tasks, and he is expected to finish the uncompleted tasks the next day. I don't get angry with him for not completing things.. I punish him and we both move on.. and he does NOT forget the next day.
My Knight is a better dad when we're flr active, too. I can't explain it..maybe it's because he's less stressed and feels more secure in his place in our lives..but when we're active in our flr, he pays more attention to the kids..plays with them more.. talks to them more..
And.. I have to admit.... sex is better an more frequent when we are following FLR. To his credit.. he has been following my no masturbation rule, and has not orgasmed without my permission while we've been on flr "break". But when we're actively paying attention to flr dynamic we're both more interested in sex, and the sex is just.. better.
So.. after several long discussions we've decided that FLR needs to be at the forefront of our marriage. One of the ways I keep FLR active and part of my daily thought process is by taking care of this blog.
Over the next week or so I am going to review our FLR rules and make adjustments and changes as needed. I'll post our rules here when I'm finished.
I'm also making myself another list of punishment and reward ideas. I stopped using our original list because much of it just did not fit us.. We've been living flr for more than 2 years now.. on and off..and I have a better idea of what works and what doesn't. I'll add to the lists as other ideas come to me. I'll probably post both lists here, as well.
I still don't understand how or why flr works for us if, as my Knight claims, he doesn't really need me to control him.... because controlling him is exactly what he's asking of me.......but it works for us.........and things fall apart when we don't pay attention to flr matters.