Monday, December 30, 2013

And..I'm Back... Again...

I'm back. Short version..I got super busy with work and family stuff and let this blog go. Which would have been okay....except that I also let the FLR aspect of our lives go too. It wasn't intentional..it just kind of happened. And my Knight and I started arguing and bickering and things just slowly started to backslide until I found myself thinking that my life and my kids' lives would be a lot smoother and less stressful without him.   That led me to wonder how in the hell we got THERE again.

I talked to my Knight and we decided that we need to keep a tight handle on FLR things and really keep up on our rules and expectations. I tend to let things slide because as my Knight tells me he "does not have a strong need for me to control him", He "has a strong need for me to be happy with him."

For me to be happy with him, I need him to keep his word, do his part around the house and with the kids, and be emotionally open and available to me most of the time.    For some reason.. my Knight has little idea how do do those things in everyday life....he gets comfort and security from having me run things and give him a daily task list.. Without my guidance and "control" he gets anxious, depressed and has no idea what do do first.  Even when we're not actively living flr, he looks to me for guidance in every decision.  The flr comes in when he doesn't follow through on his daily task list. Without flr, he misses tasks, blows things off, or forgets things and, after a week or so of this and me having to go back and do those things he didn't do.. I get angry and we start bickering. But.. With FLR  my Knight is punished for not completing tasks, and he is expected to finish the uncompleted tasks the next day. I don't get angry with him for not completing things.. I punish him and we both move on.. and he does NOT forget the next day.

My Knight is a better dad when we're flr active, too. I can't explain it..maybe it's because he's less stressed and feels more secure in his place in our lives..but when we're active in our flr, he pays more attention to the kids..plays with them more.. talks to them more..

And.. I have to admit.... sex is better an more frequent when we are following FLR. To his credit.. he has been following my no masturbation rule, and has not orgasmed without my permission while we've been on flr "break". But when we're actively paying attention to flr dynamic we're both more interested in sex, and the sex is just.. better.

So.. after several long discussions we've decided that FLR needs to be at the forefront of our marriage.  One of the ways I keep FLR active and part of my daily thought process is by taking care of this blog.

Over the next week or so I am going to review our FLR rules and make adjustments and changes as needed. I'll post our rules here when I'm finished.

I'm also making myself another list of punishment and reward ideas. I stopped using our original list because much of it just did not fit us.. We've been living flr for more than 2 years now.. on and off..and I have a better idea of what works and what doesn't. I'll add to the lists as other ideas come to me. I'll probably post both lists here, as well. 

I still don't understand how or why flr works for us if, as my Knight claims, he doesn't really need me to control him.... because controlling him is exactly what he's asking of me.......but it works for us.........and things fall apart when we don't pay attention to flr matters.

4 comments:

  1. Welcome back! You were missed. It hard to say why the FLR works for some and not for others, but once you've been there and seen the benefits, it hard to go back to a normal relationship. I think everyone needs structure in their life, especially us submissive men. One thing I think that would help you is a sounding board. There is a new blog just started by a woman called "To Be His Queen". She is trying to get her footing in the FLR, too. Maybe the two of you could be of benefit to each other. Hope your FLR gets back on track and so glad you are back. Your unique perspective has been missed.

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  2. Ms Angelique,
    One more thing I wanted to mention is that while you were away a new blog was created that lists most all the FLR blogs in one place and you can link to them from there. It is: http://sheheld.blogspot.com/. It is a very good, one-stop shopping site for real relationship type FLR blogs.

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  3. Welcome back - do not fret, You are experiencing the normal growth within a FLM or FLR. You try things, adjust, test things, adjust, take a break, adjust again, and eventually find a rythem for Your relationship.

    Your Knight does need and wants Your control. It is not easy for him to admit, but he wants You to control him. Mistress Barbara and i have made our FLM work for over forty years. We went through the same in and out, up and down, active and non-active for three years. In my case, i clearly was submissive to Mistress Barbara from the beginning. However, we took our time building our regular relationship. For me, all Women in the familly were Superior and thus my Mistress. This may not work for You. The only thinkg that matters is Your control in the way it works for You. Blogging was not available to us, but i do think it is a good source of advice, and ideas.

    Your 2014 is starting off on the right foot. Please keep us advised. Please do not be affraid to ask for suggestions. If even if our suggestions do not work for You, they might help someone else.

    A a safe New Year's.

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  4. Ms. Angelique,
    I too am a mom and the leader of our marriage. We are sort of new and sort of older on the path.
    We have many children, and so I can really relate to your posts.
    I have to agree with the other comments about how much your Knight needs you to lead. Even if he won't admit it, to himself or you. Everything you wrote SCREAMED that he needs you.
    I am sorry you are going through such a struggle. We are just coming out of one.
    Yes, even as a wife and mother, we NEED to put FLR at the forefront of all relationships. When those children are grown and out of the house, who is going to be left? The man you have lead and love? Or a stranger?
    I don't have the answer to our dilemmas, but you have my support. I am in the trenches with you.
    Now, let us BOTH get up on the pedastal we deserve. OK?
    You have a much firmer hand than I do. Maybe I need to adjust some more! Thank you for your post.

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