So Proud

I am so very proud of my Knight. We are currently doing another round of orgasm denial.  His last orgasm was Christmas night, so including today it's been 41 days. That is the longest he's gone without an  "oops" with me intentionally teasing and playing. In the past there has been an "oops" between 20 and 30 days.

What changed? I think I did. Shortly after I started this round of denial, I told him that I expected there to be no more "oops" at all. Ever. I explained that for each round of denial, I have a goal in mind. Most of the time that goal is something solid, and measurable, like wanting to see  a certain behavior from him, sometimes the the goal is something fun for me "go X number of days," or "How long can I keep it going until I really want to see him come." I told him that it really.... really pisses me off when he screws up my goals for us with an "oops", because no matter what he tries to tell me I know it happens because he gets careless and lets it happen. Those "oops" ruin the whole thing for me.

My Knight seems to have taken me seriously, because despite my best efforts, there has been no "oops."  I'm super proud of him.

No.. I have not intentionally been trying to get him to screw it up.. but I have been trying to tease and/or initiate sex play at least every day or two. I've not let myself get so busy that I forget.  Maybe that's the difference, I don't know. It seems to me the more often we engage in sex play, the more difficult it would be to hold off the orgasm. Especially since my tease sessions tend to be long(ish) and intense. A lot of times I bring him to the edge and back down three or more times over the course of an hour or so just because I love how overly sensitive he gets. (what can I say? I love watching him squirm.)
But.... what do I know - I'm not the one living orgasm denial.

I have noticed that my Knight is more emotional and more needy when I don't tease or initiate some sort of sex play, even if it's only one or two days between.  He seems to do better when I include the tease time, even if it's only lightly playing with his cock before we fall off to sleep.

There were a couple days last week where he was not completing his daily tasks, but I changed the system to daily accountability, instead of weekly, and asked him to write the lists down on paper as well as save them in his email. So.. hopefully that will help when he gets overloaded with emergency projects at work and his head is filled with database stuff.

Interesting....

Recently my Knight just completed 30 full days of intentional orgasm denial. This morning I sent him an email asking.."so.. 30 days.. too long, not long enough, or you really don't have an opinion?"

His answer?  "...not seriously keeping count, babe...especially when you get upset with me.  I lose track of anything left of the decimal point, I think...*wink*"


This was the first time I intentionally denied my Knight for a set period of time. There was 2 weeks where I purposely withheld any touching because he screwed up big time. But, the original plan.. before the screw up.. was 30 days of denial. My Knight had not idea when I'd let him orgasm. In fact, we didn't even talk about it once during that time. He didn't ask, and I didn't volunteer the information-- he just knew he was not allowed to come until I told him he could.


I find it interesting that he wasn't counting. Or if he was, he's not willing to admit it to me. I find myself wondering why he didn't keep track, and if that indicates a lack of interest in the T&D game, or a total willingness to leave things in my hands.  And yes, I sent him a follow up email asking that and a few other things. Out of everything we do as part of our FLR, I enjoy T&D the most.  Although, I will admit, I wish my Knight would talk to me about how it affects him. But.. that will come. I know why getting him to talk about sex is so difficult, and that, I suppose is half the battle. 

A Permitted Release

I let my Knight release Saturday morning. Well... actually I didn't so much as "let him" as I did push him right over the edge. My mistake. I had spent the previous hour or so teasing him unrelentingly before our alarm went off. When the alarm went off I stopped and reminded him we really did need to get up if we were going to attend our event. I curled up with him for about 15 minutes to give him a chance to recover from our playtime. Then, I called time to get up, but before he could move I gave him one more quick tease. I really only intended to make him hard again before I got dressed. But it was too much for him. To his credit he did try to hold back, but just couldn't do it. I made an attempt to stop it by pulling his balls down,away from his body and putting my thumb at the base of his cock, but it was pretty obvious to me that he was going to cum anyway. The best I could have done at that point was ruin it. And, somehow a ruining his orgasms just aren't as much fun for me. I love denying his orgasms.. love watching him struggle so hard to keep from releasing and I love watching him surrender to the sensations coursing though his body when he cums.  So I let him enjoy it fully.


It had only been a week and I was aiming for 4, but that's okay. It's another opportunity for me to practice the art of not pushing him over the edge.

The longest he's gone is 3 weeks. I have an ultimate goal in mind, but I won't mention it here because my Knight does occasionally read my blog and he does better when he does not know  how long it will be until the next orgasm. I've found that when he has an idea of how long he'll be denied he doesn't seem to enjoy the process as much and he gets moody, pouty and just a tad pushy. But when he has no idea if he'll get to cum or not he's much more content with his orgasm denial.

A Trying Morning.

My Knight must be having an off day. I swear he has messed up everything he's tried to do this morning. He started to make my coffee and got side tracked and forgot about it - I had to finish it myself. He forgot to feed the cat, and most importantly, he did not accomplish his morning tasks. 

I own and run a small business in addition to being an independent contractor. One of these business I took over from an acquaintance about 8 months ago because my Knight wanted to run it. It's in his field of expertise and really, he's a perfect fit for the job. Cool! We had planned for my Knight to quit his 9-5 job and run this business right out of the chute. Except the person handing it over failed to mention that she had been trying to get out for the last 2 years. The business only had 1 client. We found this out the day the files were handed over to us (she had been telling us what the business made *before* she started scaling back). Okay.. we know what it's capable of bringing in and since she gave us the business- no money involved, I really wasn't too concerned. Just meant we need to change our plans a bit. That's why my Knight is working this stupid overnight shift. It gives him time during every day to work on this business a bit. I take care of planning and administrative tasks on Monday and Friday, and my Knight is responsible for running the business Tues- Thurs.  Each Monday evening I write out a list of things my Knight needs to do Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday in order to achieve our production goals.

Except that today he could not stay on task and seemed to have forgotten all the training discussions we've had over the past 8 months for this task. Even though he has never performed the task I assigned him for today, he KNOWS how. We've talked about it at length. I've shared everything I've learned with him so he has the knowledge. He has my notes, and my list of what not to do - these are the same notes I have been using to do the job for the past 8 months. He just didn't put it to use. So now, this task has to be re-done tonight. Which annoys me because Wednesday is the only night we can go out alone. I have to give up my night out because he screwed up. Yes, I can go out without him, but I don't want to. No. I am not happy.

His punishment? Tonight, after the kids go to bed, he has to redo the task under my direction. After that is done he is going to heat my massage oil, and give me a full massage for at least two hours.. or until I fall asleep. I won't reciprocate, and I won't  play with his cock. His activities will be restricted to a simple massage. No sex, no oral, no nothing. In the morning, he will get up 5 minutes before me and put coffee on.

Tonight is our last night together before he goes back to work. Later this week it will occur to him that he missed the time we usually spend together on Wednesday.

"But That's a Long Time"

Over text the other day my Knight and I were talking about his orgasm denial, and his past tendency to "forget" to warn me before I pushed him over that edge. I made the comment, "I'm not going to tell you when I'll let you come, but it won't be this week so you'd better warn me." Later I told him that if he comes without my permission my tongue won't go anywhere near his cock for 2 full weeks for each infraction of this rule. Now, getting head is pretty much his favorite thing on this planet, and I use my mouth on him at least a couple times a week as long as he doesn't annoy me. I figured losing that privilege would be pretty damned motivating.

His first response?  "Next week? But that's a long time!"

Hm.. At the point he said this it had only been 4 days for him, so I didn't have much sympathy. But, something in his tone told me he was questioning the whole tease and denial thing. So, we spent the last two days talking about it. While we were talking it out I made it clear that I expect him to keep to the agreement unless I tell him it's okay.

During our discussions I asked my Knight why he had the sudden change of heart --up until he day before he was enjoying our little game. His answer was simple, "I don't want to go without."

I pointed out that he's not "going without." In reality I play with him a lot more now than I did before I started tease and denial. At least three days a week I sneak into our room while he's asleep to wake him up and play for a few minutes. I bring him to the edge once or twice and then get up and tell him to go back to sleep.

I also told him that it's not about me denying him. I *like*  watching him come. It's about teaching him never to release without my permission. Ever. If he comes twice day or twice a month, or every 2 months, that's up to me. He has no say in the matter. It's also about building the connection between us. Besides, I reminded him,  he agreed to this months ago when we wrote out our FLR rules agreement. He agreed to:

• "never masturbate without (my) permission" and to 
• "Allow (me) to control all (his) orgasms - (he) is (my) sex toy."

Neglecting to warn me when we're to close is not allowing me full control.

Then I told him he'd  just have to trust me.

I told him that he didn't have to give me an answer right away, to think about it and decide what he really wants. I told him if he wanted to back out of the tease and denial thing it was okay.

I told him that his actions later would tell me what he'd decided.

And he did. My Knight was super good about warning me when we got to close to that edge and he didn't complain.

I'm happy with his decision and as a reward I told him to go out and buy me a new toy tonight. I'm going to put a camera in his hands and let him take pictures while I play with my new toy.

There are benefits to complying.



 

Follow the Rules Already!

I do hope my readers will forgive my rant. If you don't want to listen to me complain and outright bitch, I will understand if you leave now. Please, don't be gone long - I promise these rants will be few and far between.


How hard is it to follow simple directions? My Knight has been off work  the last two days and he has been less than completely attentive to my expectations.

Earlier this week, I told him very, very clearly that I expect him to warn me if he's getting to close to orgasm so that I can back off in time. We're experimenting with denial and I keep screwing it up because after we've been doing the tease and denial thing for a few days his orgasms kind of sneak up on me.  So.....he was under strict instructions to warn me.

And he did a great job of that .... until Wednesday morning when after warning me twice he simply didn't. Denial experiment ruined! Along, it seems like his ability to follow directions.

For the last several weeks he has been the model FLR husband. And then all of a sudden, over the last two days, he could do nothing I asked or expected. He  screwed up dinner three nights in a row, for goodness sake. And no. These were not hard recipes, nor where they meals he has never made before. They were simple, easy dinners. My Knight is not a great cook.. he's learning, but it's a slow process and I know that so when I want him to cook either I tell him to make whatever he wants, or I ask him to make something I know he knows how to cook.

I gave him a list of 4 or 5 things that needed to be done on his days off.. things like.. put the Christmas lights away, clear some clutter off the front porch, make a phone call to the cable company and fix two bathroom faucets that are leaking. Instead of completing the things on his list he allowed himself to get caught up in other things..so that I ended up reminding him   a couple times. Some of the things that were supposed to be done on Wed. finally got done on Thursday after I had to discuss it with him on Wed. Night.

So.. instead of our planned night out.. we had to deal with the fact that he did not accomplish his tasks during the day. My "night out" was ruined. As consequence, I slept as far on my side of the bed as possible. No  sex, no touching, no teasing..... nothing. I tossed my leg over his so he would know I love him, but that's it. A big change from our normal- usually I have him sleep lying fully on top of me, or  I fall asleep lying across him with my hand on his cock. Not that night.

I considered sending him out to the couch, but the kids would have noticed and my teenager would have thought we were fighting. So, I didn't.
 
I am trying to decide if his unscheduled orgasm contributed to his complete lack of attention to me, his tasks and my expectations. I know there are some who would say that was absolutely the reason. And at first glance I would have to agree with them since his behavior changed immediately after that orgasm.

BUT...we have not had that attitude shift after any other orgasm, accidental or otherwise for the last couple months. He's usually so consistent that I was  starting to think the claim of an attitude change after orgasm was just fetish hype written by guys trying to convince their Doms to extend their denial.  There is a lot of that kind of thing on-line. But now... I find myself wondering.

I think I'm going to experiment a bit and try a strict 2 or 3 week denial period. I'll have to be really careful to avoid any accidents. If his attitude doesn't change when I finally let him release then I'll know it was a self-discipline issue and not an orgasm issue.

Intimate Denial Experience

I have discovered that I like the emotional charge we get out of playing the denial game with my knight. He loves it, too.

Orgasm denial seems to bring us emotionally closer than typical sex ever could. Through his orgasm denial we  seem to have found emotional connection we both felt was missing. Sure we were open and connected emotionally before, but only on what felt like a surface level. We both craved something more.... intense. And I think we've found it.


To me, there is nothing sweeter or more emotionally charged than having my Knight lie in my arms after we make love, with is hard, throbbing cock resting in my hand or against me. Every so often as he's calming down I caress his cock just to listen to his continued moans of pleasure. I love it that he becomes so sensitive that simply putting my hand on his back sends shivers down his spine. And, I readily admit that love knowing he trusts me enough to give me complete control of his orgasms. There's no whining, no complaining and no objections when I bring our love making sessions to a close without allowing him to release. My sweet Knight simply curls up with me looking happy and completely contented. It's an amazing feeling, really.

Of course, the longest we've gone is a week and a half. We'll see how he reacts when we start to stretch that out to two weeks or more.  I probably won't go any longer than a month.  As much as I love his reactions when I deny him, I equally love watching the waves of sensation ripple through his body when he finally gets to release. Denial has made his orgasms so much stronger. It's a very cool thing.


Of course I need to learn to read him better, or I need to have him tell me when we're getting too close to that edge. I've missed the signs a couple of times and pushed him to a release when I didn't mean to.  And that it totally my fault. When I go too far, I let him ride out the orgasm and we start over.

Last night we were talking about the whole denial thing. I asked him if he's having fun with is. His answer, "How could I not? Why do you even question it?"  I pointed out that it's on thing to hand over all the decision making "power" especially since that really isn't much of a change from before. But it's an entirely different thing to give me that same control in the bedroom. His answer was "Of course I like it."  I then informed him of my intention to keep the denial thing going for a longer period than we've previously done before. I asked him if he wanted to know how long it will be, or if he'd rather be surprised.

My sweet Knight asked me to surprise him.

There is something incredibly sexy about that.