A Reward

After the kids went to bed last night, I noticed my knight was sort withdrawn and sort of irritable - not with me, but irritable with himself. Earlier he dropped the keyboard to the kids' computer. The wire somehow got wrapped around his leg while he was using the computer. There was an odd noise upstairs that sounded like a kid falling out of bed, and I asked my knight to go check it out. When he stood up the keyboard went crashing to the ground. The floor in our den is concrete. Beautifully painted concrete, but concrete nonetheless.  Of course, things things tend to break when they hit concrete from waist high. Keyboard to the kids' computer is toast. Like most geek families, we have a stash of extra computer parts "just in case, " so replacing the keyboard is no big deal, but my knight was beating himself up over it.  I asked my knight several times what was bothering him. He's hard on himself, but usually, if I tell him I don't think something is a big deal, he drops it and moves on. Not so, last night.

After talking to him several times and getting nowhere, I called bedtime. After we got undressed and into bed, he tried to stick to "his side"of the bed. Yet another indication that something was bothering him. I put my arm under him and rolled him over toward me. "You're too far away. Get over here where you belong."

He complied and laid his head on my chest. Rubbing his back and shoulders, I ask him again what was wrong. "Why do you keep asking me that? I'm fine." He flipped over on his back, saying his neck was bothering him.  So, I rolled over with him and settled on top of him.

"You've been antsy, grouchy, and irritable all night. Don't tell me you're fine. What's going on in your head?" I demanded of him.

He was very quiet and very still for about 10 minutes. Then, finally, "Are you mad at me?"

I pulled back a little so I could look him in the eyes, "No.. why would I be?"

"I screwed up our evening. You wanted to curl up with a movie, but I didn't get my writing done in time for us do do that."

"Um.. no, you didn't. You finished everything on your list.. including 100 words more than I asked for on your WIP. You did just fine."

"But, you wanted to curl up with a movie."

"Your list got done. That's what's important. Besides, when did I say I wanted to watch a movie tonight?"

"I dunno. You wanted to curl up with a movie last night, and I screwed that up, too."

"Eh.. no really, no. We just didn't have time. I never said it was a big deal."

Several minutes passed before he very quietly said, "So, you're not mad at me?"

I leaned down, kissed him and let my hands wander over his body.  That turned into several pretty good orgasms for me. He's still under "no chance of coming" until mid August as a result of his dice roll the other day, so he figured that was the end of things. He settled down in my arms to cuddle and go to sleep. I grabbed the bottle of cinnamon oil that I keep next to to the bed and flipped him over on his back. He was already jumpy from his attentions to me, and he just about jumped out of his skin when I touched his cock with my oily hands.  For the next 90 minutes or so he squirmed, jumped and moaned while I brought him to the edge and back down over and over again. He was oblivious to anything other than what I was doing to him. Finally, when I thought he'd had about all he could handle, I started bringing him back down slowly.  He curled up in my arms peaceful and content.

This morning, I sent him an email saying that I was proud of him for finally telling him what was bothering him last night, and that the long tease session was his reward for talking to me.

Why I Don't Use a Chastity Device on my Knight.

This is in response to Wishful4's comment  --

There are several reasons I haven't considered locking my knight. The biggest reason is that I'm concerned about how it will effect him emotionally and psychologically. My knight's ex-wife was seriously mentally ill, and had a lot of hangups about sex. That woman was the ultimate in ex horror stories. He doesn't like to admit it, but she was emotionally abusive in ways only someone with severe mental illness can be. She was his first lover, and they were together for about 11 years. In that time her hang ups about sex, combined with his natural tendency to cater to every whim of the woman in his life, created a huge mess in his head.  10 years later he still occasionally struggles with flashbacks, fears, and communication issues because of the hell she put him through.

I have worked hard to help my knight overcome and deal with the trauma she left him with. There are things he still won't talk about.  I've worked hard to get him to understand that I love him.. all of him... because he is HIM, and not for what he can or can't do for me. I've worked hard (and am still working) to help him understand that it's okay to have wants and needs of his own, in and out of the bedroom.

Our ongoing communication struggles are a direct result of his ex wife and her problems.

It's also why it took me so long to accept that flr was really what he wanted.. because I had a good idea what she had put him through, and was afraid he was just falling into old habits or deferring to me because he was afraid of what would happen if he didn't.  He has assured me over and over again that's not the case.. that it makes him happy and content follow my lead, do what I ask of him, and devote himself to me completely....So I finally took the dominant role he was asking of me -- it took YEARS for me to accept that this is really who he is, and what makes him happy. Although.. as you guys saw a few weeks ago, I still question.

One of the things she created for him was a feeling of guilt for even being interested in sex at all. If he showed any sexual interest he caught hell. He wasn't allowed to ask for sex, or even ask for attention at all. It wasn't an FLR thing.. and it wasn't something he wanted or agreed to.... there was no form of sex play to any of this.. She had a major hang up about sex, and totally went off on him if he showed any interest. From what he's told me about her, I wonder how she ended up having 4 kids. Even offering to give her oral got him in trouble.

When we first got together, he thanked me for every orgasm, every time. Once, I asked him why he did that, and he didn't have an answer. I assumed it had something to do with is ex, and eventually talked him into stopping. (of course.. now I wonder if my assumption was wrong ) He was afraid to initiate sex. If I tried to surprise him, or be spontaneous he freaked and froze.  He didn't seem to really enjoy sex because his past experiences with his ex made him uptight and afraid of what would happen afterwards. Heck.. I had to tell him it was okay to show enjoyment and make noise during sex.

We've been together for almost 9 years, and he's pretty much over all of that, although sometimes he's still a little reserved.

I'm concerned that if I have him wear a chastity device, he's going to feel unwanted, and unloved. My knight is a very touchy-feely kind of guy. He needs my touch like the human body needs to breathe, like plants need sunlight and water. He also needs to know and feel that I want him, and that I enjoy his body. If I randomly grab his cock while I walk by, he melts. I can't do that if he's wearing a device. Putting him in a chastity device would probably trigger all those feelings of sex being bad that he got from his ex.

I'm also concerned that he'd feel like I don't trust him if I asked him to wear a chastity device. I trust him completely to follow our rules and to be faithful to me. He has never given me any reason to doubt him, and I think it would hurt him , and he'd blame himself if he thought I didn't trust him.

For all those reasons, I've never even considered discussing a chastity device with him.

We do use orgasm control and denial, though.  He is not allowed to masturbate at all, and he's not allowed to come without my express permission. I've explained to him that I ask this of him because I like what it does to him. His reactions are more.... intense when he's been denied for a while.  Teasing and orgasm denial seems to bring down what's left of his walls and lets him really get lost in the sensations. It's a huge turn on for me to spend an hour teasing him and watch him squirm, shiver and pay so much attention to what I'm doing to him that nothing else exists anymore. He doesn't react that way when he's allowed to come too often. Sometimes, If I tease too long at one time, or take him to the edge and back too many times in one session... sometimes he has flashbacks of his ex, and assumes I'm mad at him, or that I'm doing it for revenge.  Several times I've offered to stop the orgasm control and denial. If it's causing him problems, I don't want it.. but each time, he's told me ... no.. he usually loves it.. it's just occasionally, when other things are going on in his head that he has problems with it.  I was so concerned with it that I wrote an "out" into our rules.. he knows that if he ever wants to end the orgasm control.. there is a set way to do that without any kind of backlash from me. He's also allowed to ask me to let him to let him come when I'm teasing him. If things get too intense, he can ask for that release. I reserve the right to deny him, but under that circumstance, I would have to have a really good reason.  Not once has he asked...a couple times I've reminded him he could ask for it while I was edging him, but he's never asked.  

As for my own personal reasons for not locking him...

I like knowing he's on the honor system, and that he would never even consider breaking my trust by masturbating without my permission. There's something very special about that. I love it that he trusts me to manage and control his orgasms without question. Yes, he comes without permission occasionally (like the other day). But.. really those times are rare, and a chastity device wouldn't eliminate them anyway. The only time it ever happens is when I'm teasing him and not paying attention, or when we're having sex and 'forgets' to warn me.

I like being able to play with his cock anytime I want to, without having to unlock him first. To me, it seems like it would be another block to being spontaneous.. and with 4 kids at home, we have enough reasons not to be spontaneous.

I've thought about it.. and really.. the only time I'd want him to wear it is when we're not together, and having him wear it only when we're apart would probably make him wonder if he'd done something to cause me not to trust him with other women. Since I do trust him.. there's little reason for me to lock him.

If he ever shows interest in a chastity device, I'll reconsider. But for right now, I like having him unlocked and under the honor system.

So Proud

I am so very proud of my Knight. We are currently doing another round of orgasm denial.  His last orgasm was Christmas night, so including today it's been 41 days. That is the longest he's gone without an  "oops" with me intentionally teasing and playing. In the past there has been an "oops" between 20 and 30 days.

What changed? I think I did. Shortly after I started this round of denial, I told him that I expected there to be no more "oops" at all. Ever. I explained that for each round of denial, I have a goal in mind. Most of the time that goal is something solid, and measurable, like wanting to see  a certain behavior from him, sometimes the the goal is something fun for me "go X number of days," or "How long can I keep it going until I really want to see him come." I told him that it really.... really pisses me off when he screws up my goals for us with an "oops", because no matter what he tries to tell me I know it happens because he gets careless and lets it happen. Those "oops" ruin the whole thing for me.

My Knight seems to have taken me seriously, because despite my best efforts, there has been no "oops."  I'm super proud of him.

No.. I have not intentionally been trying to get him to screw it up.. but I have been trying to tease and/or initiate sex play at least every day or two. I've not let myself get so busy that I forget.  Maybe that's the difference, I don't know. It seems to me the more often we engage in sex play, the more difficult it would be to hold off the orgasm. Especially since my tease sessions tend to be long(ish) and intense. A lot of times I bring him to the edge and back down three or more times over the course of an hour or so just because I love how overly sensitive he gets. (what can I say? I love watching him squirm.)
But.... what do I know - I'm not the one living orgasm denial.

I have noticed that my Knight is more emotional and more needy when I don't tease or initiate some sort of sex play, even if it's only one or two days between.  He seems to do better when I include the tease time, even if it's only lightly playing with his cock before we fall off to sleep.

There were a couple days last week where he was not completing his daily tasks, but I changed the system to daily accountability, instead of weekly, and asked him to write the lists down on paper as well as save them in his email. So.. hopefully that will help when he gets overloaded with emergency projects at work and his head is filled with database stuff.

More On Chastity Devices

I am considering buying my Knight a chastity device. A year ago, I was completely against the idea because I expect him to follow my rules about masturbation simply because they are my rules. To the best of my knowledge, he has never broken those rules. Or at least not in the last 5 years or so. I suspected he had taken matters into his own hands once, several years ago. I made it very clear how I felt about it, and he hasn't done it since. The only unauthorized orgasms I'm concerned about are those "oops" that happen when I'm teasing him, and of course, a device won't change those.

So.. why am I considering a device? My devious little mind has decided it might be fun to keep him locked when he's at work, or otherwise away from me. It could be fun to send him emails at work about how I'm going to unlock him him when he gets home to play for a bit, and then lock him back up  without release. I send him teasing emails pretty regularly, and if he were locked it would give me one more way to tease and play. I like the idea him having a constant reminder of my control over him. Yes, he wears a ring, but it's not the same.

My only hesitation is that we've not talked about it much, and I'm not sure how to bring the topic up. My Knight is still a bit uncomfortable talking about his being submissive to me, and even though he likes orgasm denial, he's not up to discussing that, either. I'm probably going to buy him one and surprise him with it. I'll present it as a game I want to try, just like I did orgasm denial. We'll experiment with it and see what he thinks about being locked.

So... that leads me to my next question... what would you recommend as a first device? I know a lot of people like the CB6000, but I'm not looking to spend a whole lot of money on an experiment. Any suggestions?   Any suggestions on how to size it? My Knight's cock is a bit bigger than average, is there a certain device that's better for larger sizes?

Interesting....

Recently my Knight just completed 30 full days of intentional orgasm denial. This morning I sent him an email asking.."so.. 30 days.. too long, not long enough, or you really don't have an opinion?"

His answer?  "...not seriously keeping count, babe...especially when you get upset with me.  I lose track of anything left of the decimal point, I think...*wink*"


This was the first time I intentionally denied my Knight for a set period of time. There was 2 weeks where I purposely withheld any touching because he screwed up big time. But, the original plan.. before the screw up.. was 30 days of denial. My Knight had not idea when I'd let him orgasm. In fact, we didn't even talk about it once during that time. He didn't ask, and I didn't volunteer the information-- he just knew he was not allowed to come until I told him he could.


I find it interesting that he wasn't counting. Or if he was, he's not willing to admit it to me. I find myself wondering why he didn't keep track, and if that indicates a lack of interest in the T&D game, or a total willingness to leave things in my hands.  And yes, I sent him a follow up email asking that and a few other things. Out of everything we do as part of our FLR, I enjoy T&D the most.  Although, I will admit, I wish my Knight would talk to me about how it affects him. But.. that will come. I know why getting him to talk about sex is so difficult, and that, I suppose is half the battle. 

Interesting....

After two weeks of having all sex play removed from our relationship, my Knight is a totally different guy. It was 2 weeks yesterday since my Knight's indiscretion. I decided that whatever other punishments I might dole out the biggie was going to be planned, and intentional withdraw of my touch. I told him that was how it was going to be and reminded him that under no circumstances was he to masturbate at all. If I had any reason at all to question if he'd been playing alone it could become semi-permanent. My Knight knows from our pre-FLR fights that I can just "turn it off" especially if I feel he broke my trust. Sexual attraction is all in my head, and I can control it as easily as I can flip a light switch.

So, he's been on his best behavior these last two weeks. Attentive, sweet, helpful, *talkative*. That's the important part right there. Talkative. My Knight does not talk about his feelings unless I push and pry. It drives me nuts. When I ask what's wrong and he tells me "Nothing" when it's obvious something is bothering him.... it just pisses me off. But, this last week he's made an obvious effort to share his feelings with me. Not just about his recent screw up, but about everything. When I ask him what he's thinking he actually tells me, instead of giving me some general means nothing answer. See.. I demand total and complete honesty and openness from my Knight. About everything, including his thoughts. I want to know everything.. including no.. especially .. the stuff he'd rather not share with me. Why? Because a guy who allows himself to be that unguarded and vulnerable with his lady is just about the sexiest thing around.

It's not that my Knight won't share that with me, it's that most of the time he doesn't know how and I've been horrible about finding a way to teach him to let those walls down for me. He wants to.. but he's a guy.. and let's face it.. being vulnerable isn't something most guy are good at.. nor do most of them want to be.  Maybe I'm odd, but the guy who is willing and able to totally open up seems stronger than the guy who guards his feelings. My Knight is a very emotional being.. sometimes more emotional than I am. But, he doesn't often show it, not even to me. The past week has been different, though. He's been more willing to talk, more willing to open up to me. It's been wonderful.

I'm hoping his new found openness is because he's being denied, and not because he knew I was hurt and angry.

Time will tell. Here's hoping that he continues to be so open.

Twenty Six Days and Counting

My Knight is at day 26 since his last orgasm. That's not the longest he's gone, but I don't count the others because that was before we started FLR, and was the result of our previous marriage problems. He *could* have done things himself, but usually didn't.

This is the first time I've intentionally had him wait this long. Granted, I declared 10 days of no sex play at all as part of his punishment for his dishonesty 2 weeks ago. But, that was up last night, so he got a short, but intense tease session this morning. To my Knight's credit he didn't even let himself come close to going over the edge.  He didn't complain or show any disappointment when I declared it time to stop. He followed the rules perfectly and enjoyed what he was given.

We are going out this evening to look at some land and a house. I think I might stop at our favorite private spot for some under the stars cock teasing. I have to say, he is so sexy when he's been denied for any length of time. I love that he starts to get hard just getting undressed for me. I love watching him squirm when I play with his cock, when he's been denied any length of time it's so easy for him to pay total attention to the sensations running through him. When he's not being denied his short attention span gets the better of him and he can be thinking about 20 different things while we're having sex.  But when he's denied for long periods, I have his total and complete attention anytime my hand is on his cock. He becomes so absorbed in what I'm doing to him that nothing else exists for him. Which is exactly why I deny him. Because I love seeing him so immersed in sensation and pleasure that the whole world slips away.   The flip of that is that he also becomes totally absorbed in whatever he's doing to me.  Which  works well for me, too.

How Long Shall We Go?

Since my last conversation about unauthorized release, my Knight a has been extremely careful not to blow it again. It's only been 9 days, but I've been impressed by his determination not to let it happen again. It can't be easy for him since I tease and play just about every day. Many times our play sessions last over an hour. So, yeah.. I make it difficult for him, but what can I say? I enjoy watching him squirm. I have to admit that I've always wanted to play with tease and denial, even in my 20s.. *WAY* before I knew it had a name.  But, I was playing with the wrong type of guys,and I was young and naive, and let myself be convinced that by playing with T&D I was being a bitch. So, I stopped even though it was fun.

Since I started playing tease and denial games with my Knight I am a much more interested in sex than I ever have been. My brain is constantly coming up with new ways to tease him. Whether or not I actually play out those thoughts isn't the point. Sometimes I know we'll both fall into bed exhausted with nothing but sleep on our minds. That's when I write up the devious little teases going through my head and email it to him. Usually while he's at work. The other day the kids and I were at a local park for an event with our homeschool group. As the kids played I noticed the sheer size and privacy factor of the lake behind us. My Knight was treated to periodic  texts detailing what I'd like to do to him in a boat on that lake while he struggled not to release. It made for a ... um.. fun morning.

Over the past week I've been giving a lot of thought to why I have so much fun with tease and denial. We started orgasm denial as an experiment. I kept reading guys say that their whole attitudes toward their lady changed after an orgasm. I had never noticed that kind of difference in my Knight, but thought it was worth exploring. I'm still not sure I see much of a difference in him before and after orgasm. I continue orgasm denial because I notice difference in ME. I'm more interested in sex, more playful, and I touch my Knight more outside of sex when he's being denied. Denying him makes me more sensual and attentive to the erotic in everyday life. I can't explain it. But knowing that I am in complete control of my Knight's orgasms and knowing that he has not had one in X number of days/weeks because I have not allowed it makes me more likely to go out of my way to touch him. Even if that touch is just running my hand down his back while he's doing dishes. And, since my Knight is a guy who understands love through touch, anything that causes me to think about touching him more (in anyway) is a good thing. Before we started tease and denial games I was more likely to simply go to sleep when we went to bed. Now, with my Knight denied I'm more likely to tease his cock for a while before I go to sleep.

 I feel a responsibility to make sure I play and tease my Knight regularly because after all, he's in this denied state at my request. He doesn't wear a device and so really, he *can* release anytime he wants to, but he *won't* because I ask it of him. But, I don't feel any pressure to tease him. Before tease and denial games I felt pressure to allow my Knight's requests for sex, whether I was in the mood or not.  It wasn't that he was pushing it.. he wasn't .. my Knight is just not a pushy guy by nature, but I felt like I was denying him by saying no.  And now that I really AM denying him.. not sex, but the typical end result of sex - orgasm, I feel less pressure. My Knight still asks for sex, and he still hints that he wants to play, but I'm less likely to want to say no and I don't feel the same guilt and pressure when I do say no.

Don't get me wrong.. we had sex almost every day before  FLR and tease and denial games ---- as long as we weren't arguing, anyway. And I've never had any on-going complaints about our sex life.. my Knight has always been a "take care of her first" kind of guy. But somehow.. since we started the tease and denial games I think about sex more often, and I'm more likely initiate it.

A Permitted Release

I let my Knight release Saturday morning. Well... actually I didn't so much as "let him" as I did push him right over the edge. My mistake. I had spent the previous hour or so teasing him unrelentingly before our alarm went off. When the alarm went off I stopped and reminded him we really did need to get up if we were going to attend our event. I curled up with him for about 15 minutes to give him a chance to recover from our playtime. Then, I called time to get up, but before he could move I gave him one more quick tease. I really only intended to make him hard again before I got dressed. But it was too much for him. To his credit he did try to hold back, but just couldn't do it. I made an attempt to stop it by pulling his balls down,away from his body and putting my thumb at the base of his cock, but it was pretty obvious to me that he was going to cum anyway. The best I could have done at that point was ruin it. And, somehow a ruining his orgasms just aren't as much fun for me. I love denying his orgasms.. love watching him struggle so hard to keep from releasing and I love watching him surrender to the sensations coursing though his body when he cums.  So I let him enjoy it fully.


It had only been a week and I was aiming for 4, but that's okay. It's another opportunity for me to practice the art of not pushing him over the edge.

The longest he's gone is 3 weeks. I have an ultimate goal in mind, but I won't mention it here because my Knight does occasionally read my blog and he does better when he does not know  how long it will be until the next orgasm. I've found that when he has an idea of how long he'll be denied he doesn't seem to enjoy the process as much and he gets moody, pouty and just a tad pushy. But when he has no idea if he'll get to cum or not he's much more content with his orgasm denial.

Things Are Going Well

We seem to have recovered nicely from our little set back a few weeks ago where my Knight thought I was mad at him. We've fallen into a comfortable routine where (I'm pretty sure) my Knight understands what is expected from him in the evenings and he's been making sure to do those things I consider vital. It's been good.

Last week my Knight was away on a business trip. I was a bit concerned about whether or not he'd stick to the no porn, no masturbation rules while he was gone. We talked about it a bit before he left, and I sent him one email reminder his first night in the hotel. But, I was needlessly concerned. He told me he would never even think about intentionally breaking one of the rules. And you know what? I completely believe him. Naive? Maybe. but I know my Knight. He is physical and mentally incapable of acting against what I've asked of him. As long as the rules are well defined and crystal clear, he will follow them. The only real time we run into problems is when he is unsure of what's expected, he misunderstands me, or thinks I'm angry with him.

Before he left on the business trip I made it clear that I expected him to follow the same rules regarding erotica and touching that he follows at home. I left no room for misunderstanding or questions. It's simple- the rules don't change just because you are not at home. My Knight said he understood that and would stick to the rules.  It was obvious to me that he didn't do anything he wasn't supposed to and we had an amazing tease session when he came home.  Tease and denial and orgasm control have become a regular part of our sex life and we're both enjoying it. When I first introduced orgasm denial into the mix, I expected my Knight to complain. And he did whine a little bit at first, but that didn't last more then a day or two. Most of the hesitancy was mine. At first withholding his orgasms felt like I was being unfair and depriving him. A large part of me was afraid he would come to resent the simple fact that I orgasm often and repeatedly while making him wait an undefined (to him, anyway) period of time. I expected him to get moody and maybe even a little irritable when I teased him and kept him on the edge of orgasm until I thought I had pushed it far enough only to bring him back down and start over again after only a few minutes break. I thought he would become impatient with me when I pulled him into our bedroom and played with his cock just long enough for him to get hard and then asked him to complete some chore or another.  Honestly, I don't think I would like it much if those roles were reversed, and going into tease/denial and orgasm control I expected he would not like it much either.

I was wrong. He loves it! My Knight has never been more completely absorbed in the sensations I'm giving him than he is during a tease session. He's at peace with the idea that he is not to release without my permission and I completely enjoy the power I have over him. He is so much more attentive, secure and just plain happier when I take the time to play these games often. I've noticed that when I get busy and neglect the games he becomes less sure of himself.  It doesn't take much... a flirty comment, a brush of my hand, and clear directions from me.

I think it's a combination thing.. when I'm not being active in his orgasm denial it's usually because I am busy and my mind is elsewhere and I'm being less than an ideal leader. Those are the times I expect him to do what's required without much direction from me. In other words, I fall back into a more typical 50/50 arrangement instead of taking the time and mental energy required to give instructions and  follow up to make sure those instructions were followed.

Who knew that FLR took so much energy! But.. it's in a good way. I'm learning a lot about myself and about my Knight. What makes us both tick and what we both *really* need. My Knight needs me to be a strong leader who gives clear, consistent direction.

I am setting a goal for myself for the next 30 days. And that goal is to not allow myself to get so caught up in the day-to-day that I forget to actually lead.

"But That's a Long Time"

Over text the other day my Knight and I were talking about his orgasm denial, and his past tendency to "forget" to warn me before I pushed him over that edge. I made the comment, "I'm not going to tell you when I'll let you come, but it won't be this week so you'd better warn me." Later I told him that if he comes without my permission my tongue won't go anywhere near his cock for 2 full weeks for each infraction of this rule. Now, getting head is pretty much his favorite thing on this planet, and I use my mouth on him at least a couple times a week as long as he doesn't annoy me. I figured losing that privilege would be pretty damned motivating.

His first response?  "Next week? But that's a long time!"

Hm.. At the point he said this it had only been 4 days for him, so I didn't have much sympathy. But, something in his tone told me he was questioning the whole tease and denial thing. So, we spent the last two days talking about it. While we were talking it out I made it clear that I expect him to keep to the agreement unless I tell him it's okay.

During our discussions I asked my Knight why he had the sudden change of heart --up until he day before he was enjoying our little game. His answer was simple, "I don't want to go without."

I pointed out that he's not "going without." In reality I play with him a lot more now than I did before I started tease and denial. At least three days a week I sneak into our room while he's asleep to wake him up and play for a few minutes. I bring him to the edge once or twice and then get up and tell him to go back to sleep.

I also told him that it's not about me denying him. I *like*  watching him come. It's about teaching him never to release without my permission. Ever. If he comes twice day or twice a month, or every 2 months, that's up to me. He has no say in the matter. It's also about building the connection between us. Besides, I reminded him,  he agreed to this months ago when we wrote out our FLR rules agreement. He agreed to:

• "never masturbate without (my) permission" and to 
• "Allow (me) to control all (his) orgasms - (he) is (my) sex toy."

Neglecting to warn me when we're to close is not allowing me full control.

Then I told him he'd  just have to trust me.

I told him that he didn't have to give me an answer right away, to think about it and decide what he really wants. I told him if he wanted to back out of the tease and denial thing it was okay.

I told him that his actions later would tell me what he'd decided.

And he did. My Knight was super good about warning me when we got to close to that edge and he didn't complain.

I'm happy with his decision and as a reward I told him to go out and buy me a new toy tonight. I'm going to put a camera in his hands and let him take pictures while I play with my new toy.

There are benefits to complying.



 

Intimate Denial Experience

I have discovered that I like the emotional charge we get out of playing the denial game with my knight. He loves it, too.

Orgasm denial seems to bring us emotionally closer than typical sex ever could. Through his orgasm denial we  seem to have found emotional connection we both felt was missing. Sure we were open and connected emotionally before, but only on what felt like a surface level. We both craved something more.... intense. And I think we've found it.


To me, there is nothing sweeter or more emotionally charged than having my Knight lie in my arms after we make love, with is hard, throbbing cock resting in my hand or against me. Every so often as he's calming down I caress his cock just to listen to his continued moans of pleasure. I love it that he becomes so sensitive that simply putting my hand on his back sends shivers down his spine. And, I readily admit that love knowing he trusts me enough to give me complete control of his orgasms. There's no whining, no complaining and no objections when I bring our love making sessions to a close without allowing him to release. My sweet Knight simply curls up with me looking happy and completely contented. It's an amazing feeling, really.

Of course, the longest we've gone is a week and a half. We'll see how he reacts when we start to stretch that out to two weeks or more.  I probably won't go any longer than a month.  As much as I love his reactions when I deny him, I equally love watching the waves of sensation ripple through his body when he finally gets to release. Denial has made his orgasms so much stronger. It's a very cool thing.


Of course I need to learn to read him better, or I need to have him tell me when we're getting too close to that edge. I've missed the signs a couple of times and pushed him to a release when I didn't mean to.  And that it totally my fault. When I go too far, I let him ride out the orgasm and we start over.

Last night we were talking about the whole denial thing. I asked him if he's having fun with is. His answer, "How could I not? Why do you even question it?"  I pointed out that it's on thing to hand over all the decision making "power" especially since that really isn't much of a change from before. But it's an entirely different thing to give me that same control in the bedroom. His answer was "Of course I like it."  I then informed him of my intention to keep the denial thing going for a longer period than we've previously done before. I asked him if he wanted to know how long it will be, or if he'd rather be surprised.

My sweet Knight asked me to surprise him.

There is something incredibly sexy about that.

Orgasm control

I am experimenting with orgasm control with my husband. As part of our arrangement he has agreed not to masturbate without my express permission and not to orgasm without my okay.

I don't deny him often -- I happen to enjoy watching him come and usually he gets that release at least 4 times a week. But, sometimes  I enjoy playing and teasing for several days before I allow him to release.

Saturday was one such day. Before we got out of bed Saturday morning I spent a good long time playing with his cock. I used my mouth and hands to bring him almost to orgasm and then stopped for a few minutes to let him calm down. After three or four times of this I told him, to enjoy it because that's all he was getting for now, I was just playing with him. I pulled him close to me and let him play with my nipples for a while. When his raging hard on started to ease I started all over again.

As we were getting up he asked me why I like this game so much. I like this game because I like what it does to his energy. When I keep him going like this he is more attentive to the things and people around him. He's more sensitive when I touch him, too. Plus, the longer I keep him in suspense, the harder and more intense it is for him when I finally let him come. I love watching him get so into the sensations of his body that he loses track of everything else.  He only lets go like that when I play, tease and deny him for a while.