Monday, May 11, 2015

Update On Knight and I.

Surprisingly enough, we're still here, and still together.

I finally got to the truth with my knight. He has been having continuing lapses in memory. Almost a year ago he had a major memory lapse, and it caused a major fight between us. He was upset, hurt and angry that I didn't edit, typeset, and compile his ebook for him. I agreed to do it for him because the book was done, but he was swamped at work and just didn't have time to publish it. Months passed, and as far as he knew I wasn't even work on it.Instead of saying something to me, he got upset and started acting out.

Except that I had finished the edits, typesetting, etc, and the finished product was sitting in his email, waiting for him to upload and publish.

He forgot. Even though I spent 45 minutes with him at my computer doing final reviews of the project, and he stood next to me when I hit the  "Compile" button, he had absolutely no memory of that day. It came out when the whole thing finally blew up into an argument at the park one day last summer. I had to skip the concert I was supposed to play in that afternoon so we could go home. I pulled up the file on my computer and showed it to him. I showed him the date the file was last edited and walked him through the afternoon as I remembered it. He STILL had no memory of it. Even after I proved it to him by showing him the file, he still had no memory. Today, a year later he still doesn't remember me working on his ebook, but he knows that I did. The book is published and has sold well.

I took note of the incident. I was even concerned enough that I discussed it with my oldest daughter. I wanted her to be aware in case it became a real problem.  Life went on.


This weekend was Mother's Day. When we took the kids to the waterfall in Tennessee I told my knight very specifically "Call the gift shop, and order those earrings for me for Mother's Day." Yesterday came and went, and no earrings. Last night, I asked knight about them. He looked at me blankly. He had no memory at all of me asking him to get them.  He was supposed to grill for me last night, too. I asked him to pick up burgers and grilling veggies for Sunday's dinner when he took the kids to the store on Saturday afternoon. Sunday afternoon he asked me what I wanted for dinner that evening. I reminded him that he was supposed to grill for me, and I got that blank stare. He didn't remember the conversation. The kids overheard and all insisted that THEY had heard me ask him to grill.

He finally admitted that he's been having problems remembering things at work, too, and that he's been forgetting stuff at home a lot more often than he's admitted. He told me that the attitude he gives me when he doesn't do something is really his own irritation that he he's forgotten something. He that he really doesn't know what he's forgotten, but that judging from how often the kids and I tell him he's forgotten something, and how often his project manager at work is "reminding" him of things, he's judging that he's forgetting things more often, and certainly more often than he should.

He's asked me to experiment with herbs, and see if I can figure out what's going on (I'm a Naturopath), and if I can't solve it in a few months, he'll agree to see a doctor.



11 comments:

  1. "He's asked me to experiment with herbs, and see if I can figure out what's going on (I'm a Naturopath), and if I can't solve it in a few months, he'll agree to see a doctor." Hmmmm, IMHO don't fall into that trap and accept his problem as your problem. If HE is having memory issues HE needs to find a way to "solve" it, not you. He is "negotiating" with you even though there is nothing to negotiate about.

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    1. I don't see it that way. In this case, I see it as him asking me for help. The issue is to big for him to handle on his own, and he has no idea where to turn. He doesn't want to go to a doctor, because 1. he doesn't trust them, 2. the money would have to come from the household budge, and this is likely to require quiet a few tests in order to figure out what's going on. 3. He knows I have the training and resources to get him some of the testing without the added expense of a doctors. He also admitted to having trouble lately with problem solving, and figuring out what he should do.

      Once I brought it up, he was very upfront and honest about what's been going on with his memory. We spent about two hours last night talking about what's been going on and why he's been acting the way he has.

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  2. This sounds bad. He should at least get a diagnosis!

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    1. Eventually he will. He's worried about straining the family budget. We have 6 kids. Three of them are still at home, and we have one steady, full-time income--his. I homeschool the kids, and work part time from home, but my income isn't steady because I work as a writer and Naturopath/herbalist.

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  3. I am glad you now know what part of the issue is. Could it be that stressful times are triggering this memory loss? It was about a year ago you moved across the country right? That is stressful! Then this year with all the emotional stress of losing his daughter I wonder if that ongoing emotional burden he is going through over that (and honestly may never stop going through) is causing this?

    I think it is good he asked for help because if he is having problems remembering at work he is likely now starting to worry himself about losing his job which he knows provides for the family so that is just putting more stress on him yet. Then to top it off he was keeping it from you which also adds stress to keep a big secret.

    I'm curious to see what you can do to help with the herbs but I wonder if there needs to be some mental aspects too. Something to help him learn to cope and remember again? I wonder if he's been trying so hard to supress his emotional state over the loss of his daughter that he is supressing his own memory too.

    Just a thought. I hope you two can work this all out. I wonder if he maybe needs a little alone time each day. Maybe when he gets home from work give him a guided meditation to listen to while he does deep breathing to help relax him from the day and destress so that he can leave the stress of the day behind and be more mentally Present with you all.

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  4. That is very good news, Angelique. Now you both can understand what's been causing some difficulties and can map out a plan together to help resolve them. I've been praying for you and knight, Angelique, that you two would find a way to stay together and thrive in a strong relationship.

    Best of luck to you both as you seek to remedy knight's memory lapses. There are a lot of possible solutions, including the de-stressing suggested by Miss Marie, and I'm confident that the two of you will make it work! He'll be obeying you and joyfully following your leadership in the coming months.

    Thank you for the update, and warm wishes to you and your family.

    Scott

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  5. Memory loss is obviously likely brain-related. No matter how small the chance, this could be something serious (tumor, stroke, aneurysm). I would not wait six months for significant memory loss in a young otherwise healthy person.

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  6. You should have his Testosterone levels checked. His symptoms are classic low T.

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  7. I wish you the best! Losing memory is frightening. It happened to me twice: The first time was when my doctor told me to take Zantac. Turns out that there is a fairly rare side effect that causes severe memory loss. I was terrified. I needed the GPS in my car to get home from work. Stopping the pills cured it. The second time was from allergy pills. Turns out that some antihistimines can do that too.

    I'm sure his problem isn't like mine. But I wanted to say that it is terrifying when you discover that you can't remember things you know you should. I don't think anything ever scared me that much.

    I know you will be supportive. Try post-it notes to help him remember things he needs to do. That worked for me.

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  8. I have been thinking of you two and wondering what is happening and if any progress is being made with the whole situation. Hope things are improving for you and knight. Hoping for an update soon! Take care!

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  9. Hello Angelique,

    I join Mistress Marie in that I'm thinking about you and knight, and hope that you are doing well! My best regards to you and your family.

    Scott

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