Friday, July 29, 2016

I Caught Him in Another Lie.

We're done... I'm done.

It was a small, ridiculous, pointless lie. He lied to me about something he did.. nothing major.. but, he apologized for it in the car yesterday morning as I dropped him off at work. Fifteen minutes later I walked into his office to bring hi something he'd forgotten,  and caught him doing the exact same thing he had just apologized to me for.

Talk about disrespectful.

Then, yesterday evening we were attending an event at his office. Dinner was being served outside, but it was really hot out, so I suggested we grab our plates and go eat in his office. When we got there, he sat down in front of his computer while I sat at a small table toward the back of the office. I waited... I told him that I thought he was going to come eat with me. He continued to mutter at his computer screen with his back to me. I waited for about 5 minutes before I got up and left. I went and found my son and ate with him instead. About 45 minutes later I went back into my husband's office to get the supplies I needed to set up an activity that I was scheduled to run. He was STILL at his desk, working on his project. Didn't even notice I'd left.

Yesterday's incidents were the last straws. I'm  done.

I'm concerned about how it's going to effect the kids, but the kids at home are 14-next month, and 10. So, I think they'll manage okay.. They will stay with me.

What I'm really worried about is how our separation will effect my step-son. He's 15 now, and still in a facility receiving intense therapy. He's almost ready to come home, and I'm deeply worried this might impact his therapy. He's doing so well lately. He and I are close, and it's going to hit him hard.

At the same time, I'm tired of being lied to about stupid things. And it makes me wonder what ELSE he's lying to me about.

I'm telling him tonight that I want him to move out.

We've had some good times.. raised some amazing kids together. The kids will continue to be amazing, and I will move on from this a better person.




10 comments:

  1. So very sorry to hear that you have had to make that decision.

    I hope that you both can move on and find happiness in whatever you choose to do.

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  2. You go girl trust your gut you can do better this has been a long time in the making as I said trust yourself xxxxx have been with you for a long time so I comment with some knowledge

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  3. This is very saddening as previous posts did not lead up to such a dramatic change.
    I do wish the best of luck and happiness to both of you as you have been an inspiration and something almost too good to be true - come true
    michael

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    1. Thanks Michael. I tend to be quiet when things aren't going well. So, all those several month long silences were times we were struggling and angry with each other.

      I still love knight, but he has some issues that need dealt with. I think he has severe depression.. in any rate, he is depressed, has memory lapses, and sometimes invents memories to fill in the gaps. It happens at home and at work, and it's been going on for several years.

      I have tried everything possible to get him to see a doctor, or even a therapist so we can figure out what is going on. He has always refused. I've tried making the appointments for him.. I've offered to go WITH him...I even dragged is butt into the ER when he was having a memory lapse. The ER staff didn't take me seriously.

      For us to stay together, he needs to get medical help, and find out what's causing all this. Like I said, my personal opinion is severe depression.

      But, he insists he's fine. He blames me and accuses me of making things up when he forgets something. He's gone as far as wondering if the kids and I are conspiring against him when we all insist that X happened, and he remembers Y.

      As recently as last week. the day I walked out of his office.. he insisted that he came looking for me about 5 minutes after I left his office. He claims he found me and we talked. That didn't happen. It took me, and my 13 yr old son an hour to get knight to even consider that he was misremembering the situation. So.. Yes, I am certain there is something not right.

      I can live with any illness or condition he might have. If he goes to a doctor, and finds out what is wrong, or starts the process of finding out what's wrong, I will stand by him without question.

      But, if he's not willing to get help... if he's not willing to TRY to get help.. that's when I have to distance myself. And that's where we are right now.

      I'm hoping that moving out will be his "rock bottom",and he will see a doctor.

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  4. Wish you the very best. It's sad when a relationship you have invested so much in falls apart. I have to admit I have never understood his behavior and, seemingly, lack of commitment to the FLR. Most submissive men out there could only dream for a spouse such as you. I suspect one day he will regret deeply what a wonderful relationship he squandered. Thank you for sharing a little of your thoughts with us. Again, best wishes!!

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    1. This is a decision that took over a year to make. I've been thinking about divorce for about 18 months now, and I put it off for the kids. But, at the same time, what am I teaching my daughters about personal respect, and standing up for what you believe in by staying? Knight lies to me over stupid, inconsequential things, he doesn't follow through on basic household chores-the kids and I do everything, he doesn't keep his word to me, or to the kids. I'm not the only person in the house angry, frustrated, and fed up with him.

      Personally, I believe Knight has severe depression that is effecting his behavior. But, he refused to see a doctor. I have been trying to get him to see a therapist or doctor for 9 YEARS.. I've made appointments for him, I've tried talking to him, I've tried putting him on natural protocols for depression (I'm a Naturopath).. quite frankly, I have tried EVERYTHING. But, if the person is unwilling to get help, then no amount of effort will force them to. That is where we are right now.

      If he used this situation to see someone and get the help he needs, I will happily give things one more shot. He's a good guy, and I hope this is the catalyst he needs to see that I'm right, and he needs to see someone.

      But... I have to consider the effect his behavior is having on my children.

      I have a teen-aged son who is very... very angry with Knight because of the broken promises, Knight's inability to keep his word.

      I have a 10 year old daughter who is learning that it's okay for a guy to lie, and break his word to the woman he claims to love.

      I have a 21 year old daughter who is planning on marrying a guy she should not. When I talk to her about the problems between them she tells me, "but Mom, (knight) lies to you sometimes, and doesn't always keep his word. You've done all the housework and taken care of all the bills for years. You did everything AND raised/homeschooled the 6 of us. Why is that any different than what (H) is doing?"

      I have to consider how his behavior is effecting my children, as well as how it's effecting me, and even Knight. I want him to get help. And being forced to leave might be what finally makes him do that.

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