I am hoping my Knight and I can find some time to talk, play and explore the FLR aspect of things a bit more over the next couple weeks. My 16 yr old daughter is visiting my oldest daughter for the next week or so (my oldest is attending graduate school in another state). Then, both girls will go to yet another state to visit their bio-father. So, my 16 yr old will be gone for several weeks. That gives my Knight and I some much needed privacy.
Don't get me wrong. I adore my 16 yr old. She's a kid a mom can be proud of, and I am. But, my daughter is an idealistic teenager. She believes every relationship should be equal between the partners. So, she sees the dynamic between my Knight and I, and she does *not* approve. My daughter thinks I'm being unfair.
She sees my Knight come to me and ask "what's next" or "what's on my agenda for tonight, babe?", or she overhears me telling him which writing project to work on, and what the deadline is, or.. really any situation in which he defers to me, and my daughter rolls her eyes and gets irritated. When I ask my Knight to do something that I can obviously do myself my daughter calls me on it. I've explained to her that when I do everything myself her step-dad doesn't feel needed, and so I ask him to do things because it makes him happy. My Knight has explained it the same way.
But, I raised my daughter to be independent and strong. I raised her to do for herself and not take advantage of people. And sometimes she sees my Knight do something, like stop what he's doing to carry my sax to and from the car for me, and she think's I'm being unfair.
. My daughter's bio-dad is an alpha-type guy, and he is in complete control of his wife's actions and spending. I was a single mom from the time my 16 yr old was 10 months old until she was 9, and for the last 6 of our 7 years together, my Knight and I tried to do things 50/50. But, of course that didn't work and we argued a lot because of my Knight's submissive qualities. It's only been a year since I started embracing those traits and using them to my advantage. Of course my daughter sees the difference. My Knight and I don't argue anymore (much), but my daughter believes that my Knight is simply caving to me to keep the peace. (he's not... we have discussed this particular topic to death - he had to work hard to convince me that he wasn't doing just that. )
Because of my daughter's reactions, my Knight and I try really hard not to discuss anything that could sound like a request or a direction when she's around. And of course, she's 16.. it's not like we can just wait until she goes to bed.. she's often up later than we are.
So... we have the next 3 weeks or so to have talk openly, and do whatever we want after the younger kids to go to bed at 9pm. I'm hoping the extra time alone will help us both have more open conversations and give us more time to explore the FLR aspect of things.