The positive is that I recognized, and addressed, these things after one week, not the typical month or more.
Yesterday there were three different times when I felt knight was either overstepping is place, being inconsiderate, or simply not thinking. Then, it happened again this morning - twice- before he left for work. None of these incidents were major. It was all small stuff.
- Not speaking to me when he came into the library
- sitting across the table from me (instead of next to me)
- getting involved in something on his laptop instead of working on the writing project
- not telling me he was just a little closer to orgasm that I though he was this morning. I ruined it, but he did not have my permission
- not making my coffee this morning.
As I made my coffee (he was in the shower, and I didn't want to wait for the coffee), I thought about these minor irritations, and the comments some of my readers have made over the last month or so.
It occurred to me that knight is having these minor slips because I'm not doing my job.. not fulfilling my role as leader, and not insisting he follow the rules. He's not feeling my control because I've slipped again. Knight is - on some level- trying to push me into taking that control again.
Once again, I didn't set out to loosen my hold on knight, but it happened anyway. I've given a good deal of thought to why I slacked off. Here's what I came up with.
- Thanksgiving holiday. I simply became lax because of the change in my routine
- My oldest daughter came home for a week. She went back to school on Tuesday morning. I toned down the more obvious stuff. For example, knight didn't sit on the floor in front of me once while she was here, and I got my own evening meds when the alarm went off. I usually ask knight do get it for me.
- I'm focused on making a very tight writing deadline. My attention has simply been elsewhere.
- Uncertainty about the training thing. I've been avoiding the additional training knight asked for because I've been unsure where to start.
Knight has reacted to each of these things.
- While my daughter was here, knight asked me several times if I was upset with him. I wasn't, and I told him so. It didn't occur to me that he felt neglected because I wasn't allowing him to do as many things for me with oldest daughter here.
- Knight has been slightly withdrawn and seemed kind of down over the last couple days. I've asked him what was wrong, but each time he told me nothing. (remembering that knight often doesn't openly admit or recognize when he's feeling a lack of my control)
- Knight has asked for step-by-step instructions on things he should not need them for.
- He's been questioning himself more over the last few days.
- He's been physically distant.
I'm happy that I recognized what was going on before it became a problem In the past, this kind of thing has become a downward spiral. I am not going to let that happen this time.
Here is how I am remedying the situation.
- While knight was getting dressed this morning, I told him that he's been getting sloppy again. I spelled out each incident of sloppiness yesterday and this morning,and told him that even though I was lax over the holiday, I expected him to maintain the standards.
- At the same time I told him I expect the sloppiness to stop immediately.
- I told him he's been careless and inattentive when it comes to sex, and that's not acceptable.
- I sent him an email telling him exactly what I want for breakfast in the morning, and when he told me he wasn't sure how to make it, I reminded him where the recipes are kept. (instead of simply giving him the recipe)
- When he gets home from activities with the kids this evening I'm going to ask for a full body massage. He's going to spend as long as I want him to rubbing his favorite scented oil into my body while we watch an adult movie. He will be denied orgasm and I won't directly touch his cock.
- Tomorrow morning I will begin teaching knight how I want him to wake me up each morning.
- I am making a list of things I want knight to learn. I will start teaching him one item from the list each week.
- I'll make it a point to resume using phrases that remind knight he belongs to me.