Before Thanksgiving, knight told me it would help him if I spent time teaching him what I want from him in various situations. He said that he is often unsure of what I want him to do,and how I want him to react. This conversation came up when we were discussing flr issues a few weeks ago. I asked him if it would help if I took the time to teach him exactly what I want from him in every situation. Not only did he answer "yes," but he was extremely relieved that I offered.
Okay.... I'm willing to put the training time in, but really I don't have the foggiest idea where to start. Many of the situations knight is unsure of seem... obvious and second nature to me. Simple things - like pick up the plate from the table as you walk by, or stick to the shopping list at the store, or don't always wait for me to initiate sex play.. these are simple "no brainer" things for me. But, when knight and I discus them, he really is unsure of what I want from him. We've been together for over 10 years, and there is a part of me that thinks, "really.. if you don't know me by now, then you really don't pay attention." I'm not difficult, I don't hint, I try very hard to be clear and concise in my expectations of knight.
As a woman who has grown up in the modern word, I feel like "training" my knight should be unnecessary. He should pay as much attention to me, my habits, feelings and needs as I do to his.
As the wife of a submissive guy, I get it. (kind of) I know my knight well enough to understand that his entire being and self worth is tied up in "doing what (she) wants", and "making (her) happy." If I am even a little bit upset or disappointed in him, my knight's world falls apart.
I am proud of my knight for being honest and telling me that he feels like he needs more "training." And, as the leader of our flr, I'm willing to provide that training.
So, the next question is: Where do I start? And, that's where I get hung up.
For the most part, knight's daily task list covers everything I want him to do on any given day. If directions are needed for a task, I include them in the list. I have written out a bedtime routine that knight follows each evening, and I'm working to develop a morning routine, as well. To my thinking, that should be enough. But, I know it's not.
A big part of this is that knight wants to feel my influence in everything he does. I get that. ( I don't understand it, but I get that is his motivation). So, my task is to start his training in the area where he will most feel my influence.
And, that's the issue. I don't know where that is. Sure, I could ask him.. and I probably will, but I'm expecting an answer similar to what I usually get in these instances, "I don't know babe, whatever you think is best." or "Whatever you think is best." or even "where ever you want."
Which doesn't help.
What is most important to me? I don't have an answer for that because knight does a decent job of doing what I ask of him when I ask it. (for now, anyway, regular readers know that isn't always the case)
I think.. what is most important to me is that we find ways for both of us to feel the flr dynamic in everything we do... all the time... because we both seem to be happier, more content and closer to each other that way.
Getting there, is the challenge.