At some point, my knight woke up. Most likely it was my silent crying that woke him. I was in a LOT of pain. Keep in mind, I have given birth to 4 kids without any medication at all, when I fell off a bus and broke my ankle, I cussed up a storm, but did not break a tear. Last night, I was in so much pain I could do nothing but cry. He woke up and asked me if he could do anything to help my back. I told him there was nothing he could do to help my back because I know he does not have the arm strength to massage the muscle spasms away. I couldn't think much farther than that.
So, my knight rolled over and went back to sleep. He left me there, lying on our bed, unable to move, crying because it hurt so badly, unable to think clearly enough to ask him to get me a kava or my CBD oil. (both are muscle relaxants) He did nothing to help relax me, nothing to comfort me. He simply rolled over so he was facing away from me and went back to sleep.
I laid there in that kind of pain until 5 am. Eventually, the muscle s
pasms calmed enough that I was able to roll over on my side. By 6am, I could move my head again, but only about 1/4 inch to either side. I managed to get myself out of bed without help. There was no help to be given. Knight was already in the shower, and had not offered to help me up before he went. Again, I was in too much pain to be able to think about it.
When knight came out of the shower I told him very clearly, "This is why I say you're not there when I need you." I went on to try to explain that if the roles had been reversed, I would have stayed up with him, offered Kava or CBD Oil, stayed up and rubbed his temples and forehead because that relaxes and calms him, and I would have stayed up with him and done whatever I could do to help.
Again he told me that since I said there was nothing he could do for my back, that he took me at my word, and did nothing.
He insisted that he did nothing wrong. I told him that THIS right here is why I tell him that I have to do and handle everything alone, and that he is never there when I need him. I told him he was being a complete dick.
He started trying to defend himself again, and I told him "Shut up. Just shut up. Listen, and maybe learn something." I followed that up with an explanation that he does this to me frequently, and behavior like this is the reason I say he's never around when I need him. I backed that up with a few recent examples. All of which he tried to make excuses for. Most of these excuses started with the phrase, " I didn't know what to do."
I told him that last night he had 4 choices:
1. Offer to get me some Kava, CBD Oil, or Ibuprofen
2. Sit with me and do things that might calm me down so I could focus on getting rid of the pain.
3. Try working on my back and sticking with it long enough to do some good.
4. Do nothing
I told him, I would have gone with choices 1 - 3.. ALL of them. I pointed out that we knew this is what I would do because of past experiences. It IS what I do when he is up because of pain or nightmares. I stay up with him and do everything I can to ease the situation for him.
He chose number 4. To lie there and do nothing.
To make it worse, by the time the pain eased enough for me to be able to think and realize that Kava or CBD oil would help, he was sound asleep. I tried to ask him to get my CBD oil. I got no answer because he was asleep, and I could not move enough to wake him up.
So.. here is the question. Am I being unreasonable in expecting him to stay awake and be there for me though this. Am I wrong in expecting him to take over at that point and do what I needed him to do?
Or am I right and he was just being a dick?
I'm asking because it's been hours, and I still can't get him to see my side of this. He insists that since I told him there was nothing he could do for my back, that he's off the hook. For the record, I never said that I didn't want his help. My exact words were, "You don't have the upper body strength to massage my back long enough or hard enough to do any good." (and I know this from past experiences. If he starts massaging my back and doesn't get those muscles relaxed, then when he stops the pain gets worse. He can't push hard enough or long enough to make a difference. When my back is spasming like that, I'm not sure anybody can)