Tuesday, March 10, 2015

Am I Wrong Here?

Last night, my back was killing me. The ms makes joints and muscles really stiff and painful sometimes. Thankfully, it doesn't happen often anymore, but it does happen. Last night I woke around 3 in massive back pain. My back was so stiff I could barely bend. I got up, went to the bathroom, and came back to bed. Sometimes when my back is like this, I can use my knight to twist my back into the one position that relieves the muscle spasms. So, when I went back to bed, I tried to move into that position against my sleeping knight. He woke up halfway and startled. When he startled, he wrenched his arm out from underneath me and rolled over onto his side. When he yanked his arm out from under me, it wrenched my back and increased the pain in my back 10 times over. I didn't say anything to him, it was an accident and he was mostly asleep. I moved so that I was lying flat on my back without a pillow until the spasms eased a bit.

At some point, my knight woke up. Most likely it was my silent crying that woke him. I was in a LOT of pain. Keep in mind, I have given birth to 4 kids without any medication at all, when I fell off a bus and broke my ankle, I cussed up a storm, but did not break a tear. Last night, I was in so much pain I could do nothing but cry. He woke up and asked me if he could do anything to help my back. I told him there was nothing he could do to help my back because I know he does not have the arm strength to massage the muscle spasms away. I couldn't think much farther than that.

So, my knight rolled over and went back to sleep. He left me there, lying on our bed, unable to move, crying because it hurt so badly, unable to think clearly enough to ask him to get me a kava or my CBD oil. (both are muscle relaxants) He did nothing to help relax me, nothing to comfort me. He simply rolled over so he was facing away from me and went back to sleep. 

I laid there in that kind of pain until 5 am. Eventually, the muscle s
pasms calmed enough that I was able to roll over on my side. By 6am, I could move my head again, but only about 1/4 inch to either side. I managed to get myself out of bed without help. There was no help to be given. Knight was already in the shower, and had not offered to help me up before he went. Again, I was in too much pain to be able to think about it.

When knight came out of the shower I told him very clearly, "This is why I say you're not there when I need you." I went on to try to explain that if the roles had been reversed, I would have stayed up with him, offered Kava or CBD Oil, stayed up and rubbed his temples and forehead because that relaxes and calms him, and I would have stayed up with him and done whatever I could do to help.

Again he told me that since I said there was nothing he could do for my back, that he took me at my word, and did nothing.

He insisted that he did nothing wrong. I told him that THIS right here is why I tell him that I have to do and handle everything alone, and that he is never there when I need him. I told him he was being a complete dick. 

He started trying to defend himself again, and I told him "Shut up. Just shut up. Listen, and maybe learn something." I followed that up with an explanation that he does this to me frequently, and behavior like this is the reason I say he's never around when I need him. I backed that up with a few recent examples. All of which he tried to make excuses for. Most of these excuses started with the phrase, " I didn't know what to do."

I told him that last night he had 4 choices: 
1. Offer to get me some Kava, CBD Oil, or Ibuprofen 
2. Sit with me and do things that might calm me down so I could focus on getting rid of the pain.
3. Try working on my back and sticking with it long enough to do some good.
4. Do nothing

I told him, I would have gone with choices 1 - 3.. ALL of them. I pointed out that we knew this is what I would do because of past experiences. It IS what I do when he is up because of pain or nightmares. I stay up with him and do everything I can to ease the situation for him.

He chose number 4. To lie there and do nothing. 

To make it worse, by the time the pain eased enough for me to be able to think and realize that Kava or CBD oil would help, he was sound asleep. I tried to ask him to get my CBD oil. I got no answer because he was asleep, and I could not move enough to wake him up.

So.. here is the question. Am I being unreasonable in expecting him to stay awake and be there for me though this. Am I wrong in expecting him to take over at that point and do what I needed him to do?

Or am I right and he was just being a dick?

I'm asking because it's been hours, and I still can't get him to see my side of this. He insists that since I told him there was nothing he could do for my back, that he's off the hook. For the record, I never said that I didn't want his help. My exact words were, "You don't have the upper body strength to massage my back long enough or hard enough to do any good."  (and I know this from past experiences. If he starts massaging my back and doesn't get those muscles relaxed, then when he stops the pain gets worse. He can't push hard enough or long enough to make a difference. When my back is spasming like that, I'm not sure anybody can)

Opinions?

8 comments:

  1. It is HIGHLY unlikely you'll get anyone that posts a comment stating that you're overacting and knight is right on this one. It wouldn't even cross my mind to go back to sleep; I would help my Miss and comfort her in any way I could. Your knight has a lot to learn about taking care of his Queen.

    -wifey

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  2. Oh boy, did he ever screw up!! He actually went back to sleep!!!!!! He should have stayed awake with you, made you some green tea and at least attempted to massage you. You are so right to be annoyed. Three weeks ago my wife woke up around 2 am with an upset stomach.. She called me from her bathroom and I came running. I made her ginger tea and sat with her until she felt well enough to go back to bed. I considered it nothing special or related to our WLM. It was just the right thing to do for my wife whom I love so much. She would do the same for me.

    He should receive some very unpleasant punishments. If you have a walk in closet, tie his hands high over his head to a hook he will install in the ceiling. Keep him there for 3 hours or longer on a Saturday afternoon. My wife punishes me that way and I dread when she says I will get 3 or 4 hours on my next day off. She sometimes makes me drink a bottle of water then diapers me , complete with rubber pants. She warns me against wetting my diaper , she says she better find it dry. But, she adds, If I want to disobey her, then by all means, wet it. Of course I struggle and eventually wet it. She enjoys when I do because that leads to further punishment, like cleaning all of the house windows over and over again, maybe 3 or 4 times in one day. She will say she found a streak and do them all, inside and outside, again...and again.

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    Replies
    1. I had him install a hook in the doorway between our bedroom and our bath/shower/vanity area yesterday afternoon. I was planning on using it to tie him with his hands above his head while I shaved him and then spanked him for the first time last night. It was to be punishment for his bad behavior over the last few weeks.

      If I'm feeling better tonight, he's going to find out exactly how he feels about being spanked by his wife, and how he likes the chastity device I bought him.

      Delete
  3. You are absolutely in the right and your knight needs a very stern punishment. He may rely on you and your Dominance of him to keep him in line but that's no excuse for him to be totally thoughtless and so dense. He's your husband and your submissive and he failed totally at both. It was very selfish of him to go to sleep even if there was nothing he could physically do to help just being awake and holding your hand so you didn't have to endure it alone would have shown care and love. I'm afraid those instinctual things cannot be taught, that boils down to the kind of person you are. I know you mention knights son has Asperbegers. Is it possible knight has some form of it too? Where his brain is simply lacking the skills to know how to deal with certain situations? I'm asking in all seriousness because there are several degrees of Asperbegers. He has some Serious change of heart and attitude to do as far as I can see. I'm so sorry you were alone during that terrible time.

    I hope you have found us at our new site:
    marieanddavid.fetblogger.com

    Take care.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, my knight is Aspie. In fact, we are both are. Knight and I also have Mensa level IQ's that counter balance it. Nobody knows we're Aspie unless we tell them. He does better with crowds than I do, and I'm better at understanding people than he is. But, that's no excuse for his behavior last night. Knight knows better. I have taught him what I expect from during these times.

      Delete
  4. You are absolutely in the right and your knight needs a very stern punishment. He may rely on you and your Dominance of him to keep him in line but that's no excuse for him to be totally thoughtless and so dense. He's your husband and your submissive and he failed totally at both. It was very selfish of him to go to sleep even if there was nothing he could physically do to help just being awake and holding your hand so you didn't have to endure it alone would have shown care and love. I'm afraid those instinctual things cannot be taught, that boils down to the kind of person you are. I know you mention knights son has Asperbegers. Is it possible knight has some form of it too? Where his brain is simply lacking the skills to know how to deal with certain situations? I'm asking in all seriousness because there are several degrees of Asperbegers. He has some Serious change of heart and attitude to do as far as I can see. I'm so sorry you were alone during that terrible time.

    I hope you have found us at our new site:
    marieanddavid.fetblogger.com

    Take care.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I think you might want to consider your part in this. If he isn't sensitive enough to understand what you really want, and instead takes you at your word, then you have to share some of the blame. It's easy to think that if the situation were reversed, you would have behaved differently. But he isn't you.

    I certainly agree that he should have stayed with you and tried to help in any way he could. You could have told him to stay up with you. It comes down to communication. Now that you are over the pain, you might want to tell him how you expect him to behave. I know that doesn't feel good, but if he is too self involved to get it on his own, then tell him. He needs education, not punishment. He'll feel worse when he realizes how he abandoned you.

    The other comments seem to think that you are obligated to stay in your top role no matter what. You are his wife and lover. He owes you, not because you are dominant, but because you care for your mate no matter what.

    This is one case to drop the D/S roles and be the woman he loves. He needs to understand what he has to do to support his mate. That comes first.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. During our discussions last night, I learned that he was awake next to me most of that night. He took my comment that massaging my back would not help as direction to "go away and leave me alone." Which, is absolutely not what I said. I was in too much pain to think clearly, and he should have handled it for me, but he believed I meant that I didn't want him to do anything at all. It wasn't self-involvement that kept him from helping me, it was the false idea that I told him to go away.

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