Wednesday, June 27, 2018

What Do *I* Need?

Lately -- probably for the past year or so..our "slips" away from strict flr have been my fault, and I need to find a solution.

After knight's dad unexpectedly died earlier this year, I took over *everything* including telling him when to eat and shower. He was devastated and truly needed moment-by-moment management to get through. I even continued that level of control while we were with his family for the funeral. Knight didn't object to me giving him instructions in front of his family, and even came to me for instructions repeatedly while we were there. I decided when he was ready to go back to work, and I kept his supervisor and HR department informed on what was going on. I stepped in and managed absolutely everything in his world for three months.  Interestingly, my knight said that level of control from me was comforting. He told me  that in spite of the circumstances that brought on that level of absolute control, he enjoyed it.  He responded to it emotionally, by opening up and talking to me. In those three months, we talked about things that we'd never discussed in 13 years. It sounds insensitive, but we were closer in the two months after Knight's dad died than we've been ....ever. 

After about three months, I started to back off just a bit. He wasn't showing any signs of resisting, nor was he complaining about it. I simply thought that it was time for him to start making simple decisions for himself again. I started leaving it up to him as to WHEN he completed things.. His list of tasks didn't change. It simply became his responsibility (again) to decide when to do things. I stopped micro-managing every minute of every day.

We started having problems with him getting things done again. Not only at home, but also at work. For those three months I took total control, knight was able to stay caught up at work .. even though I was not managing his work time. But, when I backed off, he started falling behind at work again. I even caught him playing games on his phone frequently as a way to procrastinate.  

Hindsight... I just now, while writing this, understood that my mistake was backing off on that complete level of control/management. I should have continued. I stepped in and took over *everything* when his dad died. And I started slowly giving back some of that control after a few months because that's what *I* would have wanted. 

Ever since I gave back some level of planning and control we've been see-sawing between strict and not. When I'm strict, things go well, he stays caught up both at home, and at work. He seems happy and content. We're closer, he talks to me. And, when I back off, even just a little bit, he becomes distant, and seems sad. 

After a week or so of his distance, constant complaining and inability to get things done,  I get frustrated with him and become  super "strict" -- managing his routine, tasks, and activities completely for several weeks. It starts with me telling him that for the next few weeks he is to check-in with me before he does anything at all. During these times, I approve (or not) pretty much everything he does from the time he gets up until the time we go to bed. Knight cooperates with my request, and things go pretty well for those several weeks. There's almost no complaining on his part, and we seem to become closer. 

Then, when I think he's got a handle of things again,  I start letting him take back a little bit of control over his world. The constant check-in are no longer required. I stop telling him exactly what to do every minute of his day.

....and he falls behind again.

Same old damned hamster wheel we've been on for years., 

Okay..........so.. knight's actions, reactions, and emotional state tell me that I need to maintain tight control. That he needs, wants, responds to, and enjoys it when I maintain a tight control over him.

So.. then, why don't I do it?

My knight has a lot of things going on. We are dealing with his memory loss the best we can. It's taking it's toll on him, emotionally.  And.. he has demonstrated multiple times that my complete control, and my involvement in absolutely everything he does is comforting to him, and it helps him stay on track. 

So.. I guess the question I need to answer is this.. What's missing in our Flr for ME. What do *I* need that I'm not getting from the the arrangement? What am I trying to get from him when I back off, and start expecting him to manage his own minute-by-minute schedule again?  and.. How can I get what I'm looking for without backing away from the level of control he seems to thrive on? 

Good questions... Ones I need to answer. 




6 comments:

  1. I think as submissive male my self your knight wants end enjoys your compleat control of him when to eat when to do this or that and he is much more happy with this strict control .make .him massage your feet every day .make massage your legs back..every night before bed make him wash your feet.this will keep in his mind your his queen .amd he needs to sever you 24 /7 tell him when you want brakefest in bed the more control you have on him the more submissive he will be towards you and have him please you in every thing he does and be strict with him like you told him to sweep the floor and you found 1 crumb tellyou need to do better work next time i want this house spotless and have him do it again

    ReplyDelete
  2. For me I would say that it is extremely draining to be micromanaging someone 24/7, you are never free, it doesn't give you the relief a FLR is supposed to, it adds to your burdens instead and maybe it is making you tired?

    ReplyDelete
  3. if you're not going to continue the blog , take it down!!

    ReplyDelete
  4. 小可愛視訊聊天室-裸聊直播間
    視訊聊天交友-美女裸聊視頻直播間
    視訊美女-做愛裸聊室
    視訊交友-福利聊天室
    真愛旅舍官網
    真愛旅舍聊天室
    真愛旅舍視頻聊天室
    真愛旅舍視頻
    台灣uu視頻聊天室
    真愛旅舍直播
    xxoo24在線成人視頻網網愛吧多人視頻聊天室韓國美女視頻秀激情聊天網站一對多免費視訊
    成年人性愛教育視頻愛就愛吧視頻聊天室性感美女自我安慰視頻正妹視訊做皇帝俱樂部
    成人玩具用品使用視頻愛吧聊天室國產美女裸聊視頻快播日本古裝劇情片戀愛ing正妹視訊
    xxoo87在線成人視頻網就愛吧聊天室下載美女裸聊視頻個人空間日本黃色網站正妹視訊麻將
    女性成人玩具用法視頻愛就愛吧聊天室香香免費裸聊視頻秀聊天室日本黃色AV片正妹視訊影片

    ReplyDelete
  5. 愛薇兒情色網-聊天室哪個黃
    免費A片線上看-色內衣秀全透明秀視頻
    加勒逼A片網-免費真人裸聊qq
    成人影片線上看-美女真人秀視頻直播
    傻妹妺情網色網免費影片區-真人互動視頻直播社區
    go2av免費線上A片-mfc視訊視頻福利
    熊貓貼圖區-台灣視訊福利視頻
    春天貼圖情色網 成人貼圖區-av裸聊直播間
    JP 情色貼圖區-qq同城聊天室
    嘟嘟成人網-免費視頻裸聊網站
    美女視頻表演的QQ同城一夜交友網站免費寂寞交友聊天室性感齊b短裙美女圖uthome視訊聊天網
    性感比基尼美女視頻富婆找男人俱樂部寂寞同城聊天室性感長腿美女寫真圖片ut免費視訊聊天網
    美女視頻直播同城交友找情人約炮網寂寞男女聊天室美女寂寞聊天電話號碼 uthome視訊
    美女跳舞視頻網站真人視頻聊天同城交友同城一夜i情交友室午夜美女聊天qquthome免費視訊美女
    美女視頻網站免費聊天同城交友約炮一夜i情聊天室性感黑色內衣長腿美女uthome聊天大廳

    ReplyDelete

Incentive..

Knight has a thing for body piercings. I have a couple piercings that he gets to play with and take photos of when he's been really good...