Tonight we were all eating dinner and watching a movie together. A few minutes after my knight finished eating I asked him to get us some cake. Then I told the kids they could each have a piece of leftover birthday cake when they were done eating.
My 16 yr old daughter accused me of being unfair to my knight for asking him get up and get me cake. Now, my daughter doesn't know anything about the FLR arrangement between me and my knight, but when you get right down to it, in the practical day-to-day NOTHING has changed since our move to FLR. My knight has always deferred to me, done things for me and tried to anticipate my needs and wants. From day one his behavior has been that of a faithful knight, looking for ways to serve his queen. So,to my daughter's eyes nothing has changed, except my knight and I no longer argue.
A year or so ago, my daughter asked me my knight does so many things for me that I can do myself. I simply told her that it makes him feel needed, and it makes him happy. She told me that she thinks I'm bossing him around and being unfair and demanding. This was before FLR came into our life.
She's entitled to her opinion, but really.. it's none of her business.
The logistics of my relationship with my knight (who is not her father) is between him and me.
I am perfectly willing to explain the basics of a FLM with her so that she can understand why I am in charge. Her bio father is in a very religious based male-led marriage, and she readily accepts that in that house, he is in charge and his wife is expected to follow his lead. So, why is it so difficult to understand that her mom and step-dad have the exact opposite arrangement for different reasons?
Any suggestions from the more experienced among you?
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Incentive..
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I would probably not get into the FLR "thing" with her. I think it might be best to key in on the fact that he likes ans wants to do these things for you. It might also help if he let her know that, too. Not making it a big deal, but just a quick, "I know that you sometimes worry that your Mom isn't being fair, but I like to take care of her...". Just my thoughts.
ReplyDeleteHow did you solve this Angelique?
ReplyDeleteActually, Pyretta, the issue resolved itself. My daughter was 16 when I wrote this. She started dating shortly after this, and found herself doing similar things. Now, she's in college and engaged to be married. They are living together,and she is very much in charge.
ReplyDelete