I thought I was a pretty forward thinking, independent woman. I've always prided myself for doing my own research and refusing to go along with the crowd.. just for the sake of going with the crowd. I mean.. I decided to homeschool years before homeschooling was a cool trend because I believed it was MY job to educate my kids. (And, I've done a damned good job it it,too!). I started studying herbs, homeopathics, Eastern Medicine, Reiki and a host of other natural healing methods twenty-plus years ago because it made sense to me.
I've always taken my own path.. even when I was the only living thing on the road.
But, I am amazed at how quickly I gravitate back to a typical 50/50 arrangement with my knight. It happens without my even noticing that it's happening. Sometimes I'll find myself hinting instead of asking, asking instead of telling, and doing things myself instead of giving my knight the opportunity to complete the task for me. And the kicker for me, is that those are the times when I get irritated with him for being scatterbrained and inattentive to me and the kids.When my guidance falters, so does his ability to complete tasks and make decisions. When I neglect my role as decision maker and head of the household, my Knight feels lost and it shows in his actions.
Some serious thought on why I'm allowing myself to fall away from our FLR arrangement leads me to one thing: Ingrained expectations.
So, one of my goals for the coming year is to make it a point to remember that *I* am in charge, and to ask on that knowledge. Thrive or falter, I am responsible for our success over the coming year-- Financially, family-wise and marriage wise. I determine whether we meet our goals for 2012.That's an oddly freeing thought. Of course, it's also pretty scary, but I've handled harder stuff.
These thoughts occurred to me a few weeks ago, and in preparation of the new year I wrote down my goal list for 2012. This is something I do every year. But, this year I also told my Knight to write out his work, personal, family, and Spiritual goals for the coming year and give them to me.
He has done that, and now I am setting up mini-goals and schedules for each of us. I will give him weekly assignments based on his stated goals in order to helw weeks agom, p him meet those goals. I've let him know that he must check his on-line calendar several times a day and that task items I add are set in stone. If he sees I have sent a deadline on a project, then he damn-well better meet that deadline. I'll take no excuses.I've also told him that missed deadlines will result in pulling at least one paper from the "punishment bag." He has no real idea what is on those little slips of paper, but I guarantee he will not enjoy them.
Here's to the new year... meeting our goals, growing Spiritually, financially, and as a couple. And here's to me taking charge of my marriage, and our life.