We seem to have recovered nicely from our little set back a few weeks ago where my Knight thought I was mad at him. We've fallen into a comfortable routine where (I'm pretty sure) my Knight understands what is expected from him in the evenings and he's been making sure to do those things I consider vital. It's been good.
Last week my Knight was away on a business trip. I was a bit concerned about whether or not he'd stick to the no porn, no masturbation rules while he was gone. We talked about it a bit before he left, and I sent him one email reminder his first night in the hotel. But, I was needlessly concerned. He told me he would never even think about intentionally breaking one of the rules. And you know what? I completely believe him. Naive? Maybe. but I know my Knight. He is physical and mentally incapable of acting against what I've asked of him. As long as the rules are well defined and crystal clear, he will follow them. The only real time we run into problems is when he is unsure of what's expected, he misunderstands me, or thinks I'm angry with him.
Before he left on the business trip I made it clear that I expected him to follow the same rules regarding erotica and touching that he follows at home. I left no room for misunderstanding or questions. It's simple- the rules don't change just because you are not at home. My Knight said he understood that and would stick to the rules. It was obvious to me that he didn't do anything he wasn't supposed to and we had an amazing tease session when he came home. Tease and denial and orgasm control have become a regular part of our sex life and we're both enjoying it. When I first introduced orgasm denial into the mix, I expected my Knight to complain. And he did whine a little bit at first, but that didn't last more then a day or two. Most of the hesitancy was mine. At first withholding his orgasms felt like I was being unfair and depriving him. A large part of me was afraid he would come to resent the simple fact that I orgasm often and repeatedly while making him wait an undefined (to him, anyway) period of time. I expected him to get moody and maybe even a little irritable when I teased him and kept him on the edge of orgasm until I thought I had pushed it far enough only to bring him back down and start over again after only a few minutes break. I thought he would become impatient with me when I pulled him into our bedroom and played with his cock just long enough for him to get hard and then asked him to complete some chore or another. Honestly, I don't think I would like it much if those roles were reversed, and going into tease/denial and orgasm control I expected he would not like it much either.
I was wrong. He loves it! My Knight has never been more completely absorbed in the sensations I'm giving him than he is during a tease session. He's at peace with the idea that he is not to release without my permission and I completely enjoy the power I have over him. He is so much more attentive, secure and just plain happier when I take the time to play these games often. I've noticed that when I get busy and neglect the games he becomes less sure of himself. It doesn't take much... a flirty comment, a brush of my hand, and clear directions from me.
I think it's a combination thing.. when I'm not being active in his orgasm denial it's usually because I am busy and my mind is elsewhere and I'm being less than an ideal leader. Those are the times I expect him to do what's required without much direction from me. In other words, I fall back into a more typical 50/50 arrangement instead of taking the time and mental energy required to give instructions and follow up to make sure those instructions were followed.
Who knew that FLR took so much energy! But.. it's in a good way. I'm learning a lot about myself and about my Knight. What makes us both tick and what we both *really* need. My Knight needs me to be a strong leader who gives clear, consistent direction.
I am setting a goal for myself for the next 30 days. And that goal is to not allow myself to get so caught up in the day-to-day that I forget to actually lead.