Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Finding His Motivation

Things around our house have been fairly uneventful. For the most part my Knight and I have fallen into a comfortable D/s routine, I think. Most of the time my Knight finishes his daily assigned tasks. I was actually impressed the other night when I announced it was bedtime. My Knight asked my permission to stay up a few extra minutes because he had not finished washing pots and pans. I wasn't thrilled about going to bed alone, because I had plans to tease him a bit before we went to sleep. But I was happy to know he was taking that chore seriously enough to stay up and finish. I was sound asleep by the time my Knight came to bed, so he missed out on the playtime, but maybe next time he'll manage his time a bit better.

There have been a few little things that make me think I should get serious about adding some sort of daily action to remind my Knight of his submissive role. It seems that every couple days my Knight gets sloppy about one or another (or several) of his daily responsibilities. I can remind him, but it does not good. It's not until I chew him out that he starts paying proper attention to things again. This has been an on-going issue for years. Before FLR I would let it go for months before I finally got pissed and it turned into a yelling match.  Not meeting his household responsibilities was a *huge* issue for us. I couldn't depend on him for anything at all. Since FLR I remind him as soon as things go undone, and it really does happen less often. Sometimes it's putting gas in the van for me, other times it's making breakfast on-time, or cleaning up after himself in the kitchen or yard, forgetting to do something extra I asked of him -- little things. But what I find interesting now is that when I call him on these things, his attitude changes. He doesn't look me in the eye, he doesn't make excuses (not often, anyway), and his typical answer is, "You're right. I should have done it. I'll go take care of that right now." Before FLR he argued and made excuses as to why it didn't get done. I've also noticed that after he hears from me about something left undone he is more attentive to his responsibilities, and to me, for a while. Until the next time he starts slipping.

His pattern really makes me think he needs a daily reminder of who is in charge around here, and why.  I *thought* the tease and denial would provide that for him, but I guess not. I have him making my breakfast for me every morning for the same reason. I thought that maybe if the very first thing my Knight does every morning is something that serves me, it would give a reminder. It seems we need to have another discussion about why we're doing a FLR, and what he gets out of it so that I can better understand what motivates him.


2 comments:

  1. Your post made me think of how I start my day. While Katie is in showering I make the bed and tidy the room, check her email and wait for her to finish. After I get my shower I always find her sitting in the bathroom in front of a mirror dressed and putting her make up on. I towel dry behind her where she can watch me if she wants and then blow dry and comb her hair. It's one of the best parts of my day. I absolutely love it. When done I always kiss her on the cheek and tell her I love her. She comes to expect it and should I forget she quickly reminds me that 'you forgot something'. I was thinking how easy it would be for her to remind me that she expects me to follow through with all I know I am to do that day. Maybe something simple like that is all he needs to stay on track.... eg. be proactive rather than reactive.

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  2. That's close to what I am trying to do. My Knight is expected to get up 30- 60 minutes before I do. (depends on the day) On workdays I expect him to get up, shower and get ready for work, and then make breakfast while I "sleep in" an extra half-hour or so. On the weekends, I tell him the night before what time I plan on getting up the next morning and I expect him to get up early enough that breakfast is just coming off the stove when I arise.

    It's not much, but he's not a morning person and I don't want to add responsibility or stress to his morning as he's on his way out the door for work.

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