Monday, June 18, 2012

Getting More Comfortable

I tried to give my Knight a break from chores and household duties yesterday. Family tradition dictates that on holidays that center on a specific person (ie Mother's Day, Father's Day, birthdays) the person being honored is excused from typical daily chores.

We had a nice day. The kids made breakfast for both of us and served us in bed. My 16 yr old came to me the night before and asked me to "sleep in a little" because "if you get up, he'll get up. But if you get up late, he'll get up late and the kids are making breakfast." So my Knight didn't have to make breakfast yesterday.

After the kids brought breakfast and coffee into us I decided I didn't want us eating on the bed, so I moved us all out to the kitchen table. After breakfast we all took off to get ready for church. We usually skip church on holidays but my 16 yr old was interviewing for a position as a daycare provider with the church nursery.

After church I put dinner in the oven to cook early so that my Knight and kids could eat dinner while they watched the concert my teen and I were playing in at a park that evening. Then, I went to lie down before the concert.  When I told my Knight I was lying down he automatically asked " Do you want me to come with you?"  I told him to work it out with the kids.   A few minutes after I went in, my Knight joined me. While we were lying down my teen kept an eye on dinner and the younger kids did their chores. Shortly, it was time to get up and get ready for our concert.

It all sounds pretty unremarkable, and it was, except in hindsight. During everything, my Knight's attention was focused on me. Even as the kids and I took over my Knight's household chores, his attention stayed focused on me.  At one point during the day, I found myself looking for things I could ask him to do for me because he seemed unsure what to do with himself.  So, I gave him some extra computer time. I hoped he'd take it upon himself to get caught up on some writing, but I didn't specify and he blew 45 min on Facebook---Lesson learned. Next time I will tell him to go write for 45 min. Then I had him pull something from my sax case, fix an earring for me, check the fluids in the car.  I asked him to help haul equipment from the band room to the concert site so that I didn't have to. And, of course he carried my sax and music for me and hauled coolers and food to and from the car.

I had him do these things not because I was trying to make him work, but because I know my Knight enjoys doing things for me. It makes him happy, gives him a purpose, and ... I think....... gives him a sense of contentment.

My point here is that a year ago, I would have insisted on doing most, if not all those things myself because it was Father's Day and he should "take the day off" but, this year, instead of putting my Knight through a "forced vacation" I found things he could do just for me. In the past, as we lie in bed at night my Knight has always apologized to me saying that I should not have gotten stuck with dishes.. cooking.. whatever. Last night, however, he seemed content to curl up with me on our bed and watch a movie that I let him choose. He didn't try to make it up to me, or apologize for what he didn't do that day. For the first time in all the years we've been together he didn't seem to be mad at himself at the end of a holiday.


2 comments:

  1. Interesting post. While my wife expressed plans for me to do far less chores on Father's Day, I ended up doing almost as much as usual. I prepared and cleaned up dinner, did some other misc. chores for her, and we still watched what she wanted on TV last night. And know what? I'm glad. Even with our own WLM pretty damn quiet these days, Father's Day reminded me that it is still actually more alive and well in our relationship than I realize.

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    Replies
    1. Angelique,
      What a nice post to read. Often your posts express some tension in them but this one and the one previous have just been about 'how it should be', meaning you both content in your roles. I find that looking back months at a time that I see changes in both of us that often go unnoticed in the day to day tunnel vision of life. Stepping back and remembering the old days as you expressed so nicely, helps us all see if we are moving in the directions we should be.
      On a dif note, your last sentence about your Knight feeling guilty and not living up to expectations..... as an outsider, it sounds as if he needs lots of encouragement and love from you to help him over that 'inadequacy' personality but that you need to somehow tie that with the firmness of meeting expectations that you want him to meet.

      Hope you had a great weekend and tooted your horn for the enjoyment of many on Sunday night. Sax is a sexy instrument when played well!

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