Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Clarification On My Last Post

After reading over my last post I think I was a little unclear. I believe our current issues with my Knight's non-compliance are more related to my lack of consistency and clarity than any real shortcoming or lack of interest on his part. This is all very new to me and sometimes I am very much less than perfect when expressing my desires to my Knight.  I try, but I'm fighting years upon years of "societal programming' telling me that I "should not" dominate my partner. Except I am starting to see that is exactly what he wants. He wants me to be clear on what I expect from him, because really.. how else can he fulfill those expectations. Part of my problem is that when he comes to me at the end of the day and asks, "Babe, do you want me to finish up the dishes before I come to bed?"  I almost always so no because it feels so unfair to me to "make" him stay up an extra half hour to finish dishes that I can just as easily do in the morning. Or when he says "Why don't I finish X for you while you watch a movie." .. Same thing. It feels unfair to me to send him off to complete some random task while I kick back and do nothing. I'm not built that way. I have always done my share of the work, usually I take on more than my share of the work.

I can see where it could get confusing and unclear for my Knight. On one hand, I've told him that I expect him to wash used pots and pans every single night. And then I tell him, "no, baby. I'm going to bed."

My Knight needs a clear understanding of what my expectations are for him, and I need to learn to stick to those expectations, regardless of what my "bossy sensors" are telling me. Because my husband needs clear and consistent guidelines from me.

I am going too write out a list of guidelines and expectations for both myself and my Knight to refer to. That way, when he is tempted to ask me, "Should I do X or Y?"  , we can both look at the predetermined list and see where his question fits into my established expectations.






4 comments:

  1. Dear Angelique,

    In my view, your husband wants to "feel" your control more often. This is not to say that you should have to micro manage every move he makes, or follow him around the house with a whip, but at least once or twice a day, he needs to be reminded that he MUST obey you.

    You say that you're not "into" punishments, but surely there must be a number of things that you can make him do that he hates and which also require a minimum of effort on your part. Many of us knight/slaves don't just want to serve our owners, we want our service to be "taken" from us.

    I suspect that your knight knows full well that he's not living up to your expectations. He's acting this way because he wants you to correct him. This may sound like topping, but it's really a his way of telling you what he needs in order to motivate him to serve you better.

    Women who have submissive husbands possess a great gift. We want to live our lives in your service. Making your life easier, and more enjoyable, while showering you with love and devotion 24/7. What we crave is to be molded by our wives.

    What I'm saying, is to always remember, you have the power to make him do what you want.... when you want. You just have to guide him.

    Best,

    Michael

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    1. I suspect you're right, Michael. I think my Knight does know when he's not meeting my expectations. I think the issue is that he isn't always sure what my expectation are. I also agree that I need find ways to remind him daily that he must do as I say. And, I need to find nonverbal ways to do it. I'm a talker, but I suspect my reinforcement of the situation needs to be done in a physical way. I'm working on coming up with a few simple actions my Knight can do which will remind him that I'm in charge.

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  2. Don't feel bad. It is a big change.

    *hug*

    Just do what you can. Life is full of oppertunities to enjoy.

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    1. It IS a big change. And it's one that I have to stay on top of in order to maintain.

      As my Knight keeps pointing out.. this whole FLR "thing" isn't a change for him... he's always been like this... I have to change the way I look at what's "fair and loving." And I need to remember that just because *I* would resent having to do something, that does not mean HE does not enjoy it.

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