Monday, June 11, 2012

Expectations Are EVERYTHING!

I am realizing that I only get from my Knight what I expect and demand from him, and not a hair more. Over the weekend we had a disagreement over some items on my Knight's daily To do List that consistently remain undone. I told my Knight very bluntly that I expected him to complete every single item on his list *every single day* unless I specifically say otherwise. There are a few weekly exceptions to that rule, such as Friday evening dishes because we are not home, but other than that I expect his list to be completed each evening before bed. AND I expect him to go to bed at the same time I do each night.

When confronted with his incomplete list-- some items went back over 4 weeks-- his excuse was that either there were other things going on and he was unclear what his priority should have been, or that he just did not have the time.

I looked at that list and told him that it was obvious to me that he no longer wished to continue our FLR arrangement. I told him that I have neither the time, energy, nor patience to play the "double check his work and hand out consequences for things undone" game. That by accepting the FLR arrangement he agreed to complete all assigned tasks and duties without fail, without whining, and without complaint. And he was not living up to that promise. I'm not into handing out punishments and if he is going to be my sub, then he simply needs to do what I ask. Period. Then I walked away.

The next morning my Knight was up early to start breakfast -- one of the chores he's been neglecting lately. He apologized, said I was right - I shouldn't have to double check his work,  and asked if we could continue our FLR arrangement if he was more diligent about getting his daily tasks completed. I agreed to give him another chance, provided that he understands how I feel about he punishment thing. If I have to hand out a punishment then he has *really* ticked me off. I tend to let minor irritations slide because it's not worth it.

Looking back, I realize that part of the problem may be simple uncertainty about priorities, but that a big part is expectations. My Knight would much rather spend his evenings curled up with me on the couch while I read, crochet, work, or watch a movie with my teenage daughter. Many times I allow him to do just that, instead of reminding him of the tasks he needs to complete before bed. He's come to believe that I don't really expect him to get those pots and pans washed. I'm just as content to have him sit with me. Which is sometimes true... until I realize that my hands are hurting because I've been slinging cast iron skillets four of the past five days.

I really don't require much of him in the evening. After dinner my Knight is supposed to wash any pots or pans used during the day. He also is expected to wash his dinner plate and my dinner plate, if I don't get to it while the kids are taking baths. (Each of the kids wash their own dishes,and  I wash most dishes used in dinner prep while I'm cooking ) After that, he is free to work on writing projects or whatever, if there is time before bed.

So.. I need to work on making my expectations clear along with the task list. My Knight needs to understand that if x, y or z happens, then THIS is the priority..but if l,m or q happen then THIS is the priority.

There are a lot of little details that I take for granted that my Knight either does not see, or doesn't know how to handle.

Didn't we deal with this issue a few months ago.. I guess I did some backsliding of my own... I need to watch that.




6 comments:

  1. Mistress
    I would think, that your knight says that he whants to be in this lifestyle, but as you say, he will also try to catch that evening on the couch with you. (don't blame him) LOL
    If you don't like punishments, possibly "writing lines" might be appropriate or taking his TV privileges totally away for a week or so while he writes those lines or whatever "mindless" chore that you come up with.

    I had a mistress who would have me take something out to the garage, and when I got back, would very sternly tell me to go back and get it....sometimes over and over. Really mindless, huh? But she got a kick out of it and also, I would do it naked. (you have kids..sorry) She was a computer long distance mistress, so she could be doing anything while I was doing this "chore"

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    1. Interesting ideas. I have a list of punishments stored away in a bag in our room. When we started this I wrote out 10 punishments and 10 rewards, and had my Knight do the same. I put them in two different bags to be pulled randomly as needed. I haven't used them much.Maybe I should.

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  2. Go on flog him hard.
    The problem with writing lines or standing in the corner is that it wasts time. He is saying that he cant do things because of lack of time so time wasting punishments do not help.

    Can't speak for him, but for me I can interpret physical punishment in several ways. A medium painful whipping delivered in love is titillating and communicates love. A really hard whipping that is a real challenge to endure communicates love and disapointment. ie it communicates love because she has made the effort and it communicates disapointment both because it hurts but also because I know that I have disapointed.

    Yes I know that physical punishment is not politically correct these days but I believe that there are good points to it.

    Just my 2 cents worth.

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    1. I'm not so worried about being politically correct. And, I'm sure there probably are some good points to physical punishment, but I'm just not all that into it. I don't like causing anybody pain.. not even when that pain is really pleasure.

      That's not to say I haven't been tempted once or twice, but he really has to piss me off to get to that point. And physical punishment is never a good idea when you're *that* mad.

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  3. Misstress Angelique,

    The “I don’t have time” response is not acceptable, in my view. As an intelligent adult, one should be able to apply time management skills to complete priority obligation by making adjustments. In a person who lacks time management skills, they should first work on developing those.

    For instance, my wife requires me to complete my weekly chores before bed on Friday. I cook and clean all the family meals, do all the domestic chores including laundry and ironing, and also work a full 40+ work week outside of the house. I find waking up early, getting breakfast ready, getting dressed and then doing a chore per day before going to work gets my list done. In the evening when I come home from work I fit in other items if needed after I tend to my evening chores.

    For some men, living a 24/7 service submissive lifestyle is not for them. I personally believe the role will become increasingly common and suggest prolonged enforced chastity as a counter to male bravado getting in the way of fulfilling the obligations of the role. It is an amazingly effective and conveniently available tool to help facilitate. Reguardless, “Not having time” just doesn’t make sense. If a domme tells a submissive to do something, they should do it. If the domme says do these chores, the submissive should figure out how they are going to do it in service to their domme. The domme should not need chaperone.

    -SH

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    1. And, I agree with you, SH. I don't accept "I didn't have time" as an excuse. If anything, it upsets me when he says it because with everything I do each day I MAKE the time for things that are important to him and the kids. I expect him to do the same.

      I also know my Knight. Time management is NOT is strong point. Not getting things done is one of the things we argued about before. Since I know he needs help managing his time I have taken on the responsibility to teach him. But, in order to teach him time management I have to be consistent in my expectations and demands. I'm just as much to blame as he is... maybe more, because he is looking to me for guidance.

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