I am realizing that I only get from my Knight what I expect and demand from him, and not a hair more. Over the weekend we had a disagreement over some items on my Knight's daily To do List that consistently remain undone. I told my Knight very bluntly that I expected him to complete every single item on his list *every single day* unless I specifically say otherwise. There are a few weekly exceptions to that rule, such as Friday evening dishes because we are not home, but other than that I expect his list to be completed each evening before bed. AND I expect him to go to bed at the same time I do each night.
When confronted with his incomplete list-- some items went back over 4 weeks-- his excuse was that either there were other things going on and he was unclear what his priority should have been, or that he just did not have the time.
I looked at that list and told him that it was obvious to me that he no longer wished to continue our FLR arrangement. I told him that I have neither the time, energy, nor patience to play the "double check his work and hand out consequences for things undone" game. That by accepting the FLR arrangement he agreed to complete all assigned tasks and duties without fail, without whining, and without complaint. And he was not living up to that promise. I'm not into handing out punishments and if he is going to be my sub, then he simply needs to do what I ask. Period. Then I walked away.
The next morning my Knight was up early to start breakfast -- one of the chores he's been neglecting lately. He apologized, said I was right - I shouldn't have to double check his work, and asked if we could continue our FLR arrangement if he was more diligent about getting his daily tasks completed. I agreed to give him another chance, provided that he understands how I feel about he punishment thing. If I have to hand out a punishment then he has *really* ticked me off. I tend to let minor irritations slide because it's not worth it.
Looking back, I realize that part of the problem may be simple uncertainty about priorities, but that a big part is expectations. My Knight would much rather spend his evenings curled up with me on the couch while I read, crochet, work, or watch a movie with my teenage daughter. Many times I allow him to do just that, instead of reminding him of the tasks he needs to complete before bed. He's come to believe that I don't really expect him to get those pots and pans washed. I'm just as content to have him sit with me. Which is sometimes true... until I realize that my hands are hurting because I've been slinging cast iron skillets four of the past five days.
I really don't require much of him in the evening. After dinner my Knight is supposed to wash any pots or pans used during the day. He also is expected to wash his dinner plate and my dinner plate, if I don't get to it while the kids are taking baths. (Each of the kids wash their own dishes,and I wash most dishes used in dinner prep while I'm cooking ) After that, he is free to work on writing projects or whatever, if there is time before bed.
So.. I need to work on making my expectations clear along with the task list. My Knight needs to understand that if x, y or z happens, then THIS is the priority..but if l,m or q happen then THIS is the priority.
There are a lot of little details that I take for granted that my Knight either does not see, or doesn't know how to handle.
Didn't we deal with this issue a few months ago.. I guess I did some backsliding of my own... I need to watch that.