Friday, December 7, 2012

A Little Game

I just emailed my Knight his daily task list for today. While I was typing his list, I decided to play with him a little. Task item number 10 for the day tells my Knight to find time to review our written rules because we will be playing a game this evening.

When we get home tonight I'm going to roll a pair of dice. The roll will randomly choose which of our rules is up for in-depth discussion. It's part of my attempt to help my Knight become aware and comfortable with his submission. We will explore how he feels about the rule, how following or acting on the rule makes him feel, and how or if that rule helps him to feel submissive to me. Then I'm going to ask him to tell me one thing I do, or he'd like me to do that increases his feelings of submission to me.

If he does a good job expressing his feelings, and he actually talks to me on the level I want, then I will allow him to come sometime in the next 24 hours.

If I am not happy with the level of communication I get from my Knight tonight, then there is absolutely no chance of an orgasm for him in the next 24 hours.

I'm really hoping the anticipation is fun for him. Early on I stopped telling him when he'd be allowed to orgasm, because it causes anxiety and stress for him. He was better off not knowing. But in my mind, this is different because I'm using his potential orgasm to encourage him to dig deep and tell me how he feels.   We'll see. The next item on his list is to tell me if the game is causing him anxiety.

Part of our challenges with FLM is lack of open communication. My Knight has been pretty uncomfortable with this part of himself. He wants to be submissive to me, but doesn't want to talk about it, and doesn't want to understand exactly what he wants or why. I want that communication. I want my Knight to talk to me about what he wants from this, and what pushes those buttons for him. Tonight's game is a first step in that process.  Plus, it's fun.



9 comments:

  1. Katie asked if you might send a copy of your rules to imhersblog@yah.......? She is going to put together a set of rules for me and would love to see what you came up with. I also wrote Kathy at femdom 101 as well for her. Thanks for considering.

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    1. Sure. I'll email later tonight or tomorrow.

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    2. Thank you. Looking forward to reading what you came up with

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    3. I just sent them. Things have been busy with sick kids and Christmas concerts.

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  2. May I ask how the rules originated? From you, from him? or jointly? It seems if he participated in developing the rules, he would have some opinion.

    Guys are often quiet about their submissiveness because of the humiliation and embarrassment from the insults of vanilla people.

    Communication is most important activity necessary for maintaining a power exchange relationship.

    Forcing him to communicate by restricting his orgasm could be counterproductive as he may see this as a sort of "funishment".

    I hope you two can develop a line of communication that is satisfactory for both.

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    1. Hi Dave.
      The first time around, I came up with our rules by looking at the problems we had in our marriage and trying to address those things that frustrated us both the most. FLR was new to us, and it was something that I suggested after taking a long look at our marriage and some of the things he had said over the years. I did a bunch of research and used what I found to be the most common aspects of male submission to come up with rules, rewards and punishments. I turned that into rules and expectations and typed it up on a shared workspace. When I was happy with it I shared it with my Knight and gave him 10 days to read and comment on the proposed rules. He made his comments, and I went back and made changes based on what he said. Then I presented him with the final copy.

      This time around, I took what worked last time, and added things that I didn't have the confidence to add before. For example, I discovered that I really enjoy having total control over his orgasm. So, in the new set of rules I made it clear that he is expected to never orgasm without my express permission. In the new rules I stipulated that while I don't enjoy punishing him, that I have gained a level of comfort with flr that I will punish him if the need arises.

      Our rules also include a recognition that we are each taking our roles in our flr out of love and respect for the other. I promised to always consider and respect his opinion, but stipulated that I always reserve the right to do things my way. For my own peace of mind, I wrote in a clause allowing him to come to me for instructions to opt our of the orgasm control aspect. (which he promptly told me was not needed) And I promised that I would never end the flr aspect of our marriage, but gave him a specific phrase he can use if he ever wants to end it. I don't see that happening, but it's there.

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  3. Great idea! One word if caution though...

    Assuming that rule #1 is the most important one (given its location in the pecking order), it'll never come up if a pair of dice are thrown!

    Best,

    Jake

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    1. Sure it will. We use a 12 sided die. My Knight used to play D&D...we have lots of 12 sided dice. And if all else fails, the whole family (all 8 of us) play Magic the Gathering. There are at least 15 20 sided dice in this house.

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