I love this post from Tom at The Edge of Vanilla.
I do not currently lock my Knight. I might in in the future, but at this very second he's not locked. However, he is not free to handle his cock whenever he wants, either. It may be a part of his body, but it belongs to me, and I get to say if and when my Knight plays with it. I get to say if, when and how he comes.
I love having that control. It's sexy. It's special. I love knowing that my Knight won't come and won't masturbate without my instruction. I'm the only person on the planet who has that control over him, and that is just amazing.
My Knight has been having a rough time coming to terms with his submission. Yes, we can talk about it. Yes, he jokes about it sometimes. But when it comes to really accepting it, and being able to talk about what he wants, what it does for him, and where he'd like to see it go..? Forget it. Hell...he even hates the word "submissive." My Knight loves it when tell him he is mine, or that he belongs to me. Anytime I remind him the he belongs to me, it's obvious that those words make him happy down to his core. He seems to gain confidence and strength from being reminded that he is mine, and I expect him to act like he belongs to me. If I use the word "submissive" or "submission" his whole attitude is different. He tells me, "I am not submissive," even though his behavior and attitudes are completely
Where am I going with this? I see it as the same kind of thing that Tom is talking about. In his head, My Knight does what I tell him to because he belongs to me, and because I value him enough to direct and control his energy, sexuality and everyday efforts. In his head, (I think -- we have not been able to talk this out, so I am basing my opinion on his reactions and things he's said) I show that I value him when I am the dominant partner. When I don't dominate him, my Knight questions his place in my life.
But in most media, submissive men are usually portrayed as weak. My Knight does not want to be (and is not) weak. He certainly doesn't want me to see him as weak. But, to admit to being submissive is to identify with those images given off by society as submissive.
Wait. I think I just solved my own problem.
NOTE: I am in no way saying that submissive men are weak. I am saying that the general impression given by media of weak submissive men is wrong, and damaging to men like my Knight. And that general media impression might be part of our communication problem.