Last night was our night alone. Once a week my 17 yr old watches the younger kids so my Knight and I can have the whole evening and night to ourselves. Last night, instead of going out, we hid in our bedroom and watched movies alone. When the third movie finished, I told my Knight to turn off the computer, we needed to talk about the constant bickering that's been going on between us. He closed my laptop, kneeled in front of me and put his head on my chest. We sat like this for over an hour talking about why things have been so difficult for us lately. I pointed out that he's being passive aggressive when he ignores my instructions, and when he intentionally blows off things that I expect of him. I pointed out the difference in his attitudes on those days when he's on top of things, as opposed to those days when he claims to "forget" things. I told him that the difference is obvious to me. I pointed out that he would have a better chance of getting what he needs by talking to me, instead of doing the passive aggressive thing. I HATE passive aggressive thing. It it probably the single fastest way for him to completely and totally piss me off.
His answer? That he doesn't always realize he's done it until afterwards -- at that point the damage is done and it's too late to fix it. He never intentionally blows things off, but he can see where sometimes he's more "forgetful" than other times, and he agrees there is something going on emotionally at those times. We tried to talk about what he's feeling during those times, but he can't even put it into thoughts, let alone put it into words.
After all this time, he still struggles when it comes to putting his thoughts and feelings into words.
So... I think at this point the best thing I can do is focus on three things:
1. Reminding him that "submissive" isn't a bad word.. that it's okay with ME when he shows his submissive side.
2. Being more overtly and actively dominant. I've mentioned before that I tend to fall into routine of expecting my Knight to "just follow the rules" I think he needs to see, and feel my dominance more. Or.. maybe he needs it to be "okay" for him to feel submissive more often. Either way, that brings me to number three.
3. Explore with my Knight what actions, thoughts, and feelings cause him to feel most submissive. And then encourage those things.