I've started an on-going game of "20 Questions" with my knight. The rules are simple, I started by asking him a random question via email. I gave him 2 hours to answer the question and respond with one of his own. The rules state that each of us is expected to respond to each question within 2 hours unless the person answering is obviously away from the computer. I tossed that in there so my knight can't tell me "I'm thinking about it" and then never answer.. he's been known to do that. If the answering person does not respond in 24 hours they have to immediately answer the question, and they owe the waiting partner 2 hours of time. The person stuck waiting for an answer can choose to use that time however they want. Yes, on first glance it seems to give my knight a say over my time, but I decided that for this purpose, that's okay.. if I don't like what he comes up with, I can always tell him no. Besides, it's unlikely that I will put off answering his question for a full 24 hours, even if he does come up with something unexpected.
My hope here is that we can use the 20 questions game to explore his/my/our feelings, thoughts, opinions,likes, dislikes on flr issues and maybe.. just maybe start to explore this thing a little more.
Part of our issues with talking about dominance and submission is that he stresses over trying to figure out what I want him to say. When I ask him about his thoughts on increasing the depth of our activities he always answers one of two ways:
1. He starts talking about the practical day-to-day application of our dynamic. He tells me that his daily task list does a lot to reduce his stress, and help keep him focused on what I think is important.
2. He tells me "Babe, I don't know what you want me to say. "
I'm hoping a series of short, light-hearted, and sometimes random questions to which he gets to ask a question of his own, might get him to stop censoring himself and give me some real answers.
Too bad we don't drink.. I've considered getting him drunk and THEN trying to get him to talk about this.
I know some of you think I'm talking this to death, I want to know what he feels, not what he thinks I want to hear. I would be more sure of myself if he had approached me with the request, but since it came from me as a way to avoid a divorce, I still still wonder....