Friday, February 20, 2015

Is This Week Over Yet?

It's been a rotten week. First, the deal with the Jeep fell through at the last minute. The Jeep was a 2004 and the bank would only finance it for 36 months. That would have made the payments a hair over $500 a month. We already have another car payment, and I refuse to pay more for cars than I pay for my mortgage. So, I told my knight to take the Jeep back. I went back to the dealership the next day and picked out 2011 SUV  (not a Jeep) for the same price. The bank was willing to finance that one much longer and it cut the payment in half. So, for now, my Jeep Wrangler will have to wait.

On Monday evening knight got himself in pretty big trouble with me. He was rude and disrespectful. He had been fighting with a project all day at work. I left for band rehearsal, knowing we'd pass each other on the  road, and he'd be home within 30 minutes after I left. He had written instructions of what needed to be done and by whom while I was gone. At some point, he got an email from work saying that the project he'd been working on was broken, and they needed him to take a look. So, instead of hanging out with the kids, he was working. That part is okay. It doesn't happen often, and he was on the couch with kids reading around him while he worked. But, he didn't remind, nor supervise our Aspie in his evening chore, nor did he make sure that same Aspie showered and completed his bedtime routine, or went to bed on time. When I came in at 930pm, our Aspie was still up. He has a 9pm bedtime. I came in and sent the boy to bed, and then talked to the other kids. The other two kids got their showers, did their evening chores, and both have a bedtime of 930, with lights out at 10. Those two were heading to bed as I came in. They both told me that they reminded their brother to do his chore and take his shower and he told them no, not unless Dad told him to. Of course, Dad was buried in a work project and was stressing over it pretty hard. But.. my knight should have come up for air long enough to supervise his son. As far as I'm concerned, this is a minor infraction. I was thinking about what punishment would be appropriate. At 11pm, knight was done with the project from hell, and I sent him to the store. I would have stopped on the way home from rehearsal, but I forgot to grab the bank card. Knight runs to the store, gets home around 1230 am, and we head to bed. While my knight was moving his laptop into the bedroom, he decided to check his email. He had an email from the project manager of hell project saying that something else had broken. I told my knight that the project manager did not expect him to fix the stupid thing at almost 1 am, and to leave it alone and come to bed. He completely ignored me. Didn't even answer - like I had not spoken.

Then I told him, "No. Put the laptop down and leave it until morning. Nobody expects you to work on this at 1 am."

Again, he didn't bother to answer. He was still in our bedroom and I went in to go to bed. I told him one more time to put the damned thing down. Still he refused. So, I kicked him out of our bedroom for the night. I told him if he insisted of being rude and disrespectful by ignoring me, and if he insisted on working on the project right now, then he needed to do it in the den, because the light was bothering me. He didn't say a word, he picked up his laptop and walked out of our room. I locked the door behind him and went to bed.

The next morning, I woke early and made sure he got up in time for work. I asked him if he understood why I was angry the night before. He started making excuses about the project. I told him to just be quiet and listen. Then I explained that I wasn't angry that he had to work on it. I was angry that he had ignored me. If he had explained the problem and why he felt he had to work on it at 1 am, I would have agreed with him. (He thought he had done something earlier to break it. Turns out it was somebody else) But, that his refusal to talk to me and answer when I spoke to him was the problem.  I told him he would be given consequences that evening.

Tuesday afternoon we found out about the Jeep, so we were dealing with car garbage until Wednesday evening.

Thursday we were both preoccupied with dealing with our 14 yr old Aspie. He's having some major issues accepting his limitations. He sees 4 of his 5 siblings  excelling, doing well in college, getting jobs they love, and doing well with homeschooling, getting to do fun volunteer jobs, and doing fun things. Meanwhile, he is struggling with everything. On top of the Spectrum stuff, he has some pretty difficult memory issues. He's never noticed the differences between himself and his siblings until recently, and now that he sees those differences he hates them. He wants things to be different,  he wants to be able to learn new things easily, and he can't.  He is really struggling to understand why, and accept that this is just the way it is.  Things were much easier with him before he started understanding the differences between himself and his siblings. It's going to be a rough couple years. Puberty is hard enough without all of a sudden realizing that your not as able as the rest of your family. He's a great kid, and he'll get through it -- he has 4 siblings who love him dearly for who he is, and my knight and I have always been accepting of what he can do. We don't focus on all the things he can't do. I think that's part of the reason why he's having such a difficult time now. We've never treated him like he couldn't do things, but the reality is, as he becomes a teenager, he is now facing the fact that there are things he's unable to do.  So, because of all that, he's been very angry, defiant, and difficult over the last few weeks, and it all came to a head this week when he told me he wants to make his own decisions about what he learns, and he won't do the assignments I give him anymore. (we homeschool).  I told him fine, he can do it himself. Of course, he wasn't expecting that, and realized very quickly that he has absolutely no idea what he should do. We have a written plan for a special education high school diploma, and he has access to that document, but he doesn't have a clue where to learn the things he needs to learn in order to earn that diploma. So, instead of apologizing to me, and asking for my help, he is choosing to act out and spend a good chunk of every day arguing and tantrumming because he can't figure out what to do. Of course, he is blaming me because I won't tell him what to do. I told him, he made this problem, and it's up to him to figure out how to solve it.  He needs to work this one out on his own, and it will take time.  I'm glad he has a good therapist.

So, it's been a trying week. I'm going to spend the evening playing D&D with my knight and the kids, make banana splits for everyone, and then take a long soak in the tub with candles and music that I'll have my knight set up for me. Tomorrow, knight will cook breakfast supervise the kids (not that my 12 yr old and 9 yr old need much supervision anymore. But, he will supervise the 14 yr old, so I can get a break) while I read. Then, I think I'll take my laptop to a coffee shop and get some work done on the book. I'm sadly behind on my writing for this week because our 14 yr old has needed a lot of my attention.

In other news, knight's chastity device is still not here. I emailed the company and they claimed it got lost in the mail, and they will send another.







8 comments:

  1. Ah. the things life throws at us. A spanking is always refreshing though.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I am sorry for you that your knight isn't more cooperative. Of course he has his troubles, but so do you. He should understand you two have to do it together.
    I wish he will see it.

    appy

    ReplyDelete
  3. Miss Angelique, it seems that you are reluctant to punish your submissive husband and would rather continue to hope that somehow he will "get it". Not that what happens to me matters in your marriage, but if I behaved anything at all like you described your husband behaved here, my bottom would certainly have a spanking like I had never had before.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's not reluctance. It's exhaustion -both mental and physical. I spend my days running two separate and different businesses, homeschooling 3 kids, and dealing with the outburts of a 14 yr old Aspie boy who believes he doesn't have to listen to anyone. Earlier this week, he decided he would run away and live in a teepee made of blankets near the river. Why? He didn't want to stay in front of the stove while he had the stove on. I know the kid well, and stopped him before he actually packed for his trip, but the entire weight of raising and teaching him falls to me. Right now, it's leaving me mentally and emotionally exhausted and upset because both of my businesses are struggling because I cant' get enough time to work. With all this going on, I don't have the emotional energy to punish, and then supervise that punishment for my knight. In a way, he is being punished. I am too tired for sex, too grumpy and stressed to talk to him , and by the time we go to bed, I just want to be left alone. On top of all the family and business stuff, I have secondary progressive multiple sclerosis which zaps my energy and makes simple things difficult sometimes.

      No, it's not my lack of willingness to punish my knight that is the problem here. It is his lack of maturity and his lack of understanding that is the problem. I take the time to tell him exactly what I want from him. I expect him to be an adult, and do what I ask of him.

      Nope, this week is not going any better.

      Delete
  4. I hope this week is going better for you, Miss Angelique. I'm praying that your teaching and family time with your 14-year-old will hit a path that is less rocky. It can be a rough journey with a child with Asperberger's, but you guys will get through it and have a strong, joyful relationship.

    My own Aspie is 23 years old now and thriving, but it was pretty tough for a while, especially in the mid-teen years. I've worked directly with about 14 Asperger kids over the last ten years and they all had their unique and wonderful gifts. Challenging for their parents and teachers at times, but a blessing beyond measure.

    Thanks for your insightful blog, Angelique. I'm glad you and the family keep moving ahead with your leadership and perseverance!

    Scott

    ReplyDelete
  5. Hello Angelique,

    Haven't seen any posts from you in a while. I'm sure I'm not alone in saying that you are missed and I dearly hope that you and your family are doing well. I am praying that God blesses you, and pours out plenty of strength, hope and love on you, Knight and the kids.

    You've quite elegantly shared your journey here, Angelique, and I think you have a lot of people in your corner!

    Warm regards,

    Scott

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Scott. All is as well as it can be right now. I'm just taking some time to regroup after this past week.

      Delete
  6. You are quite welcome, Dearest Angelique, and thank you kindly for the note.

    Hope you have a chance to find a little joy this week.

    Warm regards,

    Scott

    ReplyDelete