Thursday, February 12, 2015

Last Night Was.....

......revealing.

As we were getting ready for bed on Tuesday night, my knight said, "Is it okay if I go into work at 6am tomorrow? If I do, then I can cut out at 2 or 3, and we can have extra time to go out, or do whatever you want."  

I melted. That's probably one of the sweetest things he's tried to do in a long time. He is NOT a morning person, going into work at 6 means leaving the house by 5:20.  I told him that I would LOVE it if he did that.  My knight reset his alarm so he could be ready to leave by 5:20 am. 

It didn't work out that way, but it was my fault. Have you ever tried to get out of bed with a one hundred and.. cough.. cough... pound woman curled up on top of you? He was stuck, and I was not moving. Every time he tried to get disentangled from me, I snuggled in closer. It wasn't intentional. I was mostly asleep, and I was comfortable.  Finally, around 6:15 I woke up enough to realize he wasn't up yet. I we both got up and he was out the door before 6:45, which put him to work by 7:15. Not super early but  enough.  

Around 3 pm my knight mentioned to his supervisor that today was our anniversary. His supervisor gave him the okay to leave around 3:30, so we got some extra time 

When my knight emailed to tell me he was getting out to work early, I asked him to stop at our favorite restaurant on the way home for take out. Originally, I had planned for us to go out to dinner, but our babysitter cancelled at the last minute and we have a 14 yr old with Autism. He's high functioning, but we cant leave him home alone for more than 90 minutes or so. He refuses to take direction from my 12 yr old because he's under the false impression that "older" means "in charge." When I have to leave them alone, I set the 14 yr old up with a project in his room, and give him instructions to stay in his room and leave his siblings alone, then I put the 12 yr old in charge of his 9 yr old sister. It buys me an hour -- two at the absolute outside-- where I know the 14 year old is occupied and all is well.

After he left work, I went to get ready. I knew where we were going, but my knight didn't. I did my nails, and decided to wear a dress Usually, I'm a jeans girl.  In the summer, I might wear a skirt because it's cooler, but my idea of dressing up is usually involves dress slacks. Last night, I wanted to wear a dress because I wanted it to be easy for my knight to get under the dress, if the opportunity presented itself.  

When he got home, my knight asked me to close my eyes because he had something large to bring in. I was confused, but closed my eyes.  I heard rustling behind me, and then he said,  "I found you the perfect anniversary gift. Flowers that don't die. I hope you like it."  I opened my eyes and turned around. 

My knight bought me an apple tree for our anniversary -- a Red Delicious apple tree, to be exact.

He was right. I was the perfect anniversary gift. We are setting up  homesteading on our property. We haven't even been here a year yet, and I've had him plant 3 apple trees, 3 pear trees, 2 blueberry bushes, and 1 peach tree. We have one part of the property dedicated to becoming a small apple "orchard." Eventually, I want 5-8 apple trees. The one he gave me yesterday is apple tree number 5, because we found one established apple tree elsewhere on the property. I love flowers, but cut flowers make me sad, because they are dying. When we were a new couple, my knight used to buy me cut roses often. They were beautiful, and I appreciated the thought, but, a dying flower, no matter how beautiful, does not say never ending and eternal love to me. Finally, after a couple years I finally told him how I felt. I told him that I love flowers, and plants, but  if he's going to by me flowers, I'd rather he spent that money on a living plant......something that I won't have to compost or turn into incense in a week.

"See, " he said, "flowers that won't die AND gives fruit." I was thrilled with it and I let him know it. Then I told him, "You can plant it for me this weekend. " I had him put my new apple tree on the back patio for now, because on of our cats has started using some of my plants as a litter box.

I set the kids up for us to leave, and told them we'd be back within 2 hours. My 12 yr old knew where were going, I reminded him that we'd be within walking distance of the house and if his 14 yr old brother didn't follow my directions he was to text me. Then, my knight and I left.

We got about 1/4 mile down the road when I realized I'd left the candles and tablecloth I'd packed  at home. I told my knight that I'd forgotten them, and apologized. In wasn't going back for them. He still had no idea where we were going.

There is a small park with a boat ramp, picnic tables, and built in bbq grill not far from our house. The tables are under a road bridge, but next to a river. It's a beautiful spot. That's where I took him for dinner. I had planned on having a candlelight dinner beside the river, but like I said, I forgot the candles. It was pretty, we watched various birds fly over the river. I think I saw a deer on the far bank, but I'm not completely sure. Most importantly, it was absolutely silent, except for the sounds of the river, and the occasional car over head, and we were alone. Completely alone. No kids within a mile of either of us. I can't remember the last time that happened. As we ate, we started talking about the kids.  I realized what we were doing and put a stop to it. "No, we need to leave the kids at home This time is about us." I told him. We finished eating, and I was about to lead my knight across the deserted park and into the woods. I thought he might enjoy using his tongue to find out how little I was wearing under my dress, but a car pulled into the park. Since we no longer had the place to ourselves, I decided we should leave.

I decided we'd go home and go for a walk around our property. The sky was clear and I wanted to sit out and look at stars. First, we stopped for milk and marshmallows. When we got home, he made hot cocoa for ourselves and the kids, then my knight and I took our cups and went for our walk. It was beautiful out, there was an owl making noise somewhere in the distance. We wandered around talking, dreaming, and reconnecting for about half an hour or so. Then, I noticed that my knight was getting cold, so I suggested we head back toward the house

We went through bed time routines with the kids and spent about half an hour with our nightly kid book reading and then we told the kids we were going to go watch a movie in our room. We curled up on our bed and talked longer than we have for a long time.

It occurred to me that part of our current issues, part of the distance we're both feeling is that we haven't made time for us. We haven't set aside time, and space for the flr to work. We have 3 kids still at home, one of them high needs. My knight works a full time job, and a part time job (granted, he works on the part time gig while at the full time gig, with the CEO's permission) while I homeschool, write books and magazine articles, run my other business, and set up our homesteading.  All these things take up brain and emotional space, and we're not leaving room for us to recharge together. For me, enforcing rules, and handing out punishments becomes "one more thing I have to do."

That's not the way it's supposed to be. I want to have FUN with the flr aspect of our marriage. I want flr to be something we can both count on when things are busy. I shared these thoughts with my knight and added that I feel like it's one more thing I have to do, because I feel like he is just going through the motions, and doesn't appreciate my efforts. He insisted that he does, but I pointed out that he does not show it. He goes out of his way to hide his feelings, good and bad. I told him that's hard on those around him and pointed out that we've been together for 10 years, married for 8, and it's time he let go of the old stuff and started putting himself out there with me. I reminded him that if he wanted to keep the flr aspect of things, that he must start showing appreciation for the fact that I'm trying. Because his lack of obvious appreciation makes me feel like it's a waste of my energy. Then I pointed out that he'd get more of the flr related things if he showed appreciation for what he was already given.

The rest of the evening was sweet and relaxing and perfect.

This morning, when I sent my knight his list, he answered with, "Got it babe. Thank you."   So simple, but sweet.



5 comments:

  1. Mistress Angelique, I am so happy for you both, whilst your anniversary plans didn't go quite as planned, the love you both share shone through. I sincerely hope for you both that this day can be the turning point for you. DtBHC.

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  2. I loved reading this post. I loved the tone of it and I loved the story. What struck me was how easy it all seemed to flow. Your husband looked outward and offered to go to work early. He bought you a small yet thoughtful gift in the form of an apple tree. He asked his boss if you could get off of work because it was his anniversary. You dressed for him; you planned a simple outing and a simple dinner in a quiet special place that only the two of you know and together it all made for a very romantic evening.

    For me the takeaway point was how easy it can be for the two of you to live intimately and in harmony with you as the leader of your family unit. Gosh, I hope your husband can see that simple truth. It makes so much more sense to exert a little effort and do what he is told to do than to struggle through the frustration anger and hurt and distance that comes when the two of you don't function as the team you were meant to be.

    I wish you both a happy Valentine's Day.

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    Replies
    1. When things are good between us, they are indescribably wonderful. My knight can be the most thoughtful and attentive man I've ever met. The problems happen when he gets sloppy, becomes too wrapped up in his own head, and puts on his "nothing bothers me, nobody can hurt me, and nobody gets close" face. Unfortunately, he wears that face way to often, and it causes real problems between us, I'm truing to find ways to get around all that, and teach him it's okay to open up by way of flr. It's been a slow, and I get very frustrated with him, but he is making progress.

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  3. Wow, wonderful story, Angelique. The two of you had an evening right out of the Hallmark Channel movies Donna and I have been watching all month. I hope that you and Knight have many more moments like that! Heck, I hope that Donna and I can have many moments like that!

    Take care,

    Scott

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  4. What a wonderful day. It shows your love and guidance for your knight and your family. May you have many more such as this.

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