Sunday, February 8, 2015

No Real Changes..

My knight is still angry, upset and feeling helpless because of the situation with his daughter. I've tried talking to him and pointing out that when he creates distance between us he always feels worse.

His response was, "Yeah. I know. I don't want us to be distant."

He's taking his lists more seriously, but as far as real intimacy (no, guys I don't mean sex), he's just not there. He's going through the motions, but his heart and thoughts are still pretty far away. It doesn't help that he's stopped taking his supplements.. those same supplements that we use to ease the depression that so often sneaks into his brain. I'm not sure how long ago he quit taking them. He usually takes them before he leaves for work while I'm doing other things. It wasn't until this morning that I realized he didn't take them. The will change tomorrow morning.

As for the flr aspect of things,  I am giving him daily task lists, and making sure he is following them, butI'm still struggling with feeling like I'm "forcing" anything more on him when he seems so disinterested in flr activities. What's worse, is that I'm conflicted about it. On one hand I am convinced that what I really need to do is make him kneel in front of me, and make him admit that he wants and needs flr and then force him to beg me to have my way with him. After that I think he needs to spend the evening attending to my every whim. Maybe I should see what happens if I spank him for last week's orgasm without permission ---  Make him break down the walls he's built around himself, force him to be open to me.    On the other hand, as always, I'm hesitant to push him, especially when he is hurting and upset.  I'm hesitant at the best of times, mostly because I don't understand his submissive needs, and he won't open up to me about the topic.

I'm absolutely certain that he IS submissive. There is absolutely no doubt about that, but I'm certain how far he is willing to take it, and I'm afraid that taking it to far could damage our marriage, and break the little bit of closeness we manage to find around his tendency to keep the world (and me) at arms length.

In other news, his chastity device should be here this week, and I'm planning to put it on him the same evening it gets here. I have this planned out. When he gets home from work, I will tell him to go shower and make sure he's well shaved. He will be instructed kneel on the bath mat and wait for me when he is out of the shower. When I come in, I will blind fold him, tie his hands behind his back, and then help him up.  Then, I'll put the device on him while I explain that this is not a punishment, but an opportunity to get used to the device and see how he feels about it. I'll also explain when I expect him to wear it.  When he's locked, I'll remove the blindfold, and the arm restraints. Then I'll hand him the key on a chain, and tell him to put the key around my neck. If he's not already straining against the device,  I'll tease, and play, until he is.  At that point, I'll tell him he has  minutes to get dressed and join us for dinner, and I'll walk out of our bedroom.

Will it work? Will being locked cause my knight to be more open with me about his feelings and thoughts? I have no idea.. but it's worth a try.


8 comments:

  1. Cripes I am so jealous. To me intimacy is time and attention and he is getting this from you by the bucket full.

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  2. Hi Mistress Angelique

    I can't offer any advice, just some support that you are the only one that truely knows what Knight needs. Trust in your understanding of his needs and stand firm in your convictions. I cannot see how actions born out of love could ever diminish your closeness.

    On another note, my offer to talk 'offline' is still open if you or Knight would like to. DtBHC.

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    Replies
    1. Thanks for the offer, but it's not a custody battle. His daughter is 12 and seriously mentally ill. She's in full care in another state, she can't come home because she is too violent to handle at home. Those who tend to her daily needs. Knight is being forced to give up custody of her because there is no other way to access treatment for her in the state she's in. And the case worker has gone back on her promise to move the child when we moved a year ago. Honestly, I wish it were just a custody battle with the bio mom. He's backed into a corner and fighting state government. There is no way for him to win this.

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    2. Mistress Angelique, apologies for continuing to pursue this but I wasn't inferring custody issues. My daughter too sufferred significant mental health issues. I really feel uncomfortable going into further detail here. Offer still stands - doingthebesthecan@gmail.com. DtBHC.

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  3. Def worth a try. It might be the trigger that allows him to share with you in a deeper way. Def make sure he's back on his supplements and keep enforcing the tasks and rules. Its hard when vanilla life causes distress and he may go through the motions a bit until he wraps his jead around whatever the situatuon is with his daughter. Keep reminding him that whatever it is Isn't his fault. Wish you both the Best. Keep doing what you're doing.

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    Replies
    1. I supervised his supplements this morning. Last night, we talked about things, and I told him he's absolutely forbidden from hiding behind his walls. I told him that I expect him to stop pretending he's okay, and that he is now expected to discuss this with me every night for the next week, and tell me what he's really thinking.

      So far, it seems that getting firm with him and forbidding him from pretending is helping. Sometimes I forget that the best thing I can do for him is to take absolute control.

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  4. Def worth a try. It might be the trigger that allows him to share with you in a deeper way. Def make sure he's back on his supplements and keep enforcing the tasks and rules. Its hard when vanilla life causes distress and he may go through the motions a bit until he wraps his jead around whatever the situatuon is with his daughter. Keep reminding him that whatever it is Isn't his fault. Wish you both the Best. Keep doing what you're doing.

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  5. You are so right about not being able to get anything done with the state. It's just ridiculous how poor the service is. I think you are on the right track. It is your dominance that will be a source of strength for Knight during this tough time. Being in a chastity device will also cause Knight's thoughts to be more about you and the flr which will be good. Hopefully, in time he will open up to you more about his feelings.

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