My knight is still angry, upset and feeling helpless because of the situation with his daughter. I've tried talking to him and pointing out that when he creates distance between us he always feels worse.
His response was, "Yeah. I know. I don't want us to be distant."
He's taking his lists more seriously, but as far as real intimacy (no, guys I don't mean sex), he's just not there. He's going through the motions, but his heart and thoughts are still pretty far away. It doesn't help that he's stopped taking his supplements.. those same supplements that we use to ease the depression that so often sneaks into his brain. I'm not sure how long ago he quit taking them. He usually takes them before he leaves for work while I'm doing other things. It wasn't until this morning that I realized he didn't take them. The will change tomorrow morning.
As for the flr aspect of things, I am giving him daily task lists, and making sure he is following them, butI'm still struggling with feeling like I'm "forcing" anything more on him when he seems so disinterested in flr activities. What's worse, is that I'm conflicted about it. On one hand I am convinced that what I really need to do is make him kneel in front of me, and make him admit that he wants and needs flr and then force him to beg me to have my way with him. After that I think he needs to spend the evening attending to my every whim. Maybe I should see what happens if I spank him for last week's orgasm without permission --- Make him break down the walls he's built around himself, force him to be open to me. On the other hand, as always, I'm hesitant to push him, especially when he is hurting and upset. I'm hesitant at the best of times, mostly because I don't understand his submissive needs, and he won't open up to me about the topic.
I'm absolutely certain that he IS submissive. There is absolutely no doubt about that, but I'm certain how far he is willing to take it, and I'm afraid that taking it to far could damage our marriage, and break the little bit of closeness we manage to find around his tendency to keep the world (and me) at arms length.
In other news, his chastity device should be here this week, and I'm planning to put it on him the same evening it gets here. I have this planned out. When he gets home from work, I will tell him to go shower and make sure he's well shaved. He will be instructed kneel on the bath mat and wait for me when he is out of the shower. When I come in, I will blind fold him, tie his hands behind his back, and then help him up. Then, I'll put the device on him while I explain that this is not a punishment, but an opportunity to get used to the device and see how he feels about it. I'll also explain when I expect him to wear it. When he's locked, I'll remove the blindfold, and the arm restraints. Then I'll hand him the key on a chain, and tell him to put the key around my neck. If he's not already straining against the device, I'll tease, and play, until he is. At that point, I'll tell him he has minutes to get dressed and join us for dinner, and I'll walk out of our bedroom.
Will it work? Will being locked cause my knight to be more open with me about his feelings and thoughts? I have no idea.. but it's worth a try.