Since my last conversation about unauthorized release, my Knight a has been extremely careful not to blow it again. It's only been 9 days, but I've been impressed by his determination not to let it happen again. It can't be easy for him since I tease and play just about every day. Many times our play sessions last over an hour. So, yeah.. I make it difficult for him, but what can I say? I enjoy watching him squirm. I have to admit that I've always wanted to play with tease and denial, even in my 20s.. *WAY* before I knew it had a name. But, I was playing with the wrong type of guys,and I was young and naive, and let myself be convinced that by playing with T&D I was being a bitch. So, I stopped even though it was fun.
Since I started playing tease and denial games with my Knight I am a much more interested in sex than I ever have been. My brain is constantly coming up with new ways to tease him. Whether or not I actually play out those thoughts isn't the point. Sometimes I know we'll both fall into bed exhausted with nothing but sleep on our minds. That's when I write up the devious little teases going through my head and email it to him. Usually while he's at work. The other day the kids and I were at a local park for an event with our homeschool group. As the kids played I noticed the sheer size and privacy factor of the lake behind us. My Knight was treated to periodic texts detailing what I'd like to do to him in a boat on that lake while he struggled not to release. It made for a ... um.. fun morning.
Over the past week I've been giving a lot of thought to why I have so much fun with tease and denial. We started orgasm denial as an experiment. I kept reading guys say that their whole attitudes toward their lady changed after an orgasm. I had never noticed that kind of difference in my Knight, but thought it was worth exploring. I'm still not sure I see much of a difference in him before and after orgasm. I continue orgasm denial because I notice difference in ME. I'm more interested in sex, more playful, and I touch my Knight more outside of sex when he's being denied. Denying him makes me more sensual and attentive to the erotic in everyday life. I can't explain it. But knowing that I am in complete control of my Knight's orgasms and knowing that he has not had one in X number of days/weeks because I have not allowed it makes me more likely to go out of my way to touch him. Even if that touch is just running my hand down his back while he's doing dishes. And, since my Knight is a guy who understands love through touch, anything that causes me to think about touching him more (in anyway) is a good thing. Before we started tease and denial games I was more likely to simply go to sleep when we went to bed. Now, with my Knight denied I'm more likely to tease his cock for a while before I go to sleep.
I feel a responsibility to make sure I play and tease my Knight regularly because after all, he's in this denied state at my request. He doesn't wear a device and so really, he *can* release anytime he wants to, but he *won't* because I ask it of him. But, I don't feel any pressure to tease him. Before tease and denial games I felt pressure to allow my Knight's requests for sex, whether I was in the mood or not. It wasn't that he was pushing it.. he wasn't .. my Knight is just not a pushy guy by nature, but I felt like I was denying him by saying no. And now that I really AM denying him.. not sex, but the typical end result of sex - orgasm, I feel less pressure. My Knight still asks for sex, and he still hints that he wants to play, but I'm less likely to want to say no and I don't feel the same guilt and pressure when I do say no.
Don't get me wrong.. we had sex almost every day before FLR and tease and denial games ---- as long as we weren't arguing, anyway. And I've never had any on-going complaints about our sex life.. my Knight has always been a "take care of her first" kind of guy. But somehow.. since we started the tease and denial games I think about sex more often, and I'm more likely initiate it.