I have a few minutes, so I thought I'd post a quick update. This week went....OK. Not great, just okay.
We had one fight this week, but instead of letting things deteriorate like they usually do, I handled it more flr style. Short version I told him months ago to stop buying fruit at one particular store. Every time we buy there we end up throwing at least half away because it's rotten inside. Well, on Monday he was supposed to get fruit on his way home, and stopped at *that* store because he thought it was closer to where he was. (It isn't.)
When he got home I said something to him about it, and he tried to turn it into an argument. After a few minutes, I told him to come into our bedroom with me. He came without a word. Once we were away from the kids, I told him if he goes to *that store* again for anything, he will no longer be allowed to carry the bank card, and I'll give him just enough cash for gas each week. I will do all the shopping myself. That's the point when he apologized for stopping at that store and promised it won't happen again.
We'll see.
Other than that, it's been a peaceful week. I've been paying special attention to making sure I remain firmly in control of our daily activities. I've even started helping him pick out his clothes for work in the morning. I've also been paying special attention to making sure I touch him more, especially after he has done what I asked of him. Both things seem to be making a difference in his actions and attitudes.
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Incentive..
Knight has a thing for body piercings. I have a couple piercings that he gets to play with and take photos of when he's been really good...
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Knight has a thing for body piercings. I have a couple piercings that he gets to play with and take photos of when he's been really good...
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I told Knight that in order for me to put any more energy or effort into our marriage he MUST: see a doctor to find out why he's havin...
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Over the weekend my Knight and I were talking some more about FLR details.. you know.. where he wants to see this go.. how far he's look...
Hope it gets easier for you, that sounds like a lot of effort.
ReplyDeleteI second DtBHC`s comment. And I am wishing you all the best. I think of you often.
ReplyDeleteMay I add a thought?
To me, it seems like you are navigating the whole family ship through the storm alone. You are the captain. And you are doing A LOT of work and you are putting in A LOT of energy.
To me, it seems like the first officer is not supporting you as much as I would like him to do. I do understand that he has his reasons for behaving as he does. And I do believe you when you keep telling us that he is worth your love and attention and dedication.Keep him :-) I do believe that he is a teacher for you right now.
Coming from the idea that the outer world is only mirroring /a reflection of our own inner world and thoughts, I think the "answer" of how to get more support lies not in your knight and his behavior but in yourself.
The following questions might be worth to be looked at:
Where else in your life do you not allow yourself to get the support you need?
Who else in your life did not support you when you needed it?
Does the idea of being more supported by knight scare you?
What is the benefit of doing it all alone?
I do believe that there are parts in you who think that it is safer and maybe better or easier to navigate through the storm alone. And these parts in you only want to protect you.
I am writing that comment here because I want to let you know: Girl, you deserve all the support you want to have :-)
You are doing an amazing job, keeping the family together and making sure the needs of all family members are met :-)
And last but not least: YOU deserve all your needs met too. Communicate your needs with your loved ones. You will only bring out the best in them, when they get a chance to take care of you too :-)