Monday, June 25, 2018


It's been about two years since I've posted here. Some things change.... most stay the same.

Last we talked, knight was having memory problems and we had no real idea why. Those memory problems were causing real trouble in our marriage. We were going back and forth about FLR, because he would tell me that he wanted FLR, but then would "forget" what he was supposed to do, would talk back constantly, and a couple times even forgot that he asked for FLR in the first place. I backed off of the FLR, and he became angry, upset, depressed, insisted that I didn't want him around. Talking revealed that he felt neglected because I had dropped the FLR aspect of our marriage. At those times he had no memory of asking me to back off.

We were on a constant roller coaster and I couldn't deal with it anymore.

 I put my foot down and told him that if he wanted to stay married he would go to a doctor and follow through on any and all diagnostic procedures. I told him that while he was under medical evaluation he would stick to the FLR.

He did both. In fact, he's been faithfully keeping medical appointments ever since. But, we're no closer to knowing what's going on, or understanding why he has memory loss than we were two years ago.  As for the FLR aspect, it's been off and on, but mostly on. For the past year, all slips toward 50/50 have been my doing, not his. In fact, over the past year, knight has been slowly and steadily asking me for more control, more direction and stronger leadership.

In the last two years, doctors have tested for, ruled out, prescribed medication for, and even flatly diagnosed multiple medical issues --- including:

Depression --knight is prone to episodes of depression. He does not want to take meds for it, and the doctors we've discussed it with agree he probably doesn't need medication. I'm aware that depression can cause memory loss, but after several consultations, the doctors don't believe that depression is causing Knight's memory loss. Therapist didn't think he needed weekly visits.

A variety of mental Illnesses ---He was evaluated for multiple mental illnesses, and all is good there.

Anxiety -Yes, he has some anxiety. Again, he doesn't want to take meds for it, and our doctors agree. They also say that knight's anxiety is not intense enough to cause memory loss.

Seizures --One of our local doctors insists that knight is having seizures. He made this diagnosis with absolutely NO brain wave testing. Doc claims (rightfully so) that atypical seizures are difficult to catch, even with a recent EEG. In order to make a solid DX, you have to "catch"  a seizure on a walking EEG machine. And, since atypical seizures are unpredictable, that's really difficult. This neurologist insisted on putting knight on Depakote. Knight was completely against taking the med, but I asked him to give it a one to two month trial period. He did. The Depakote made things worse.. not better. When we went back to the doctor for follow up, he insisted on doubling the dose. We got a second opinion because I very much disagreed with the seizure dx, and protested the idea of doubling the Depakote dose.  The second neurologist backed me up, and we stopped the drug completely. The second neurologist also disagrees with the idea of seizures.

Alzheimer's and several other forms of Dementia -- this was the scariest. We ended up in the emergency room because knight lost several days worth of time and became verbally combative with me. Something about his  actions, words and general demeanor made me nervous. I wasn't afraid of him, I was concerned that something was *really, seriously wrong* Sometimes you just instinctively KNOW that something is *wrong* Like that. I didn't know what else to do, so I convinced him to go to the ER with me.  The ER doc talked to us for about 10 minutes, and then told me that my husband has Alzheimer's. Then I was informed that Alzheimer's is not an emergency, and I had no reason to be in the ER.  They gave me a stack of info on Alzheimer's and wished me luck.  On the ER follow up with our regular doctor, I demanded both a CT scan and an MRI.  The tests ruled OUT Alzheimer's and several other forms of dementia.

Brain tumor --- MRI and CT scan ruled these out. There is nothing structurally wrong with his brain.

Nutritional Deficiencies -- Nope.. all mostly good there.

Infections --Blood work good.

Doctors have determined that there is no traceable medical reason why he is having these memory lapses.  However, two of the doctors involved in knight's care have SEEN and experienced knight having memory problems, and there is absolutely no doubt that it's happening.

His supervisor at work along with other employees have also experienced Knight's memory loss. It was effecting his work enough that he ended up having to confide in his immediate supervisor in order to avoid getting fired.

That left us with wondering.. what next.

My whole reason for insisting on medical evaluation was in the hopes that we would find an obvious medical cause for the memory loss, outbursts and personality changes. That didn't happen, and knight was getting tired of being a science experiment. When the MRI came back normal in January of this year, knight asked me if we could stop the medical appointments for a while.  Since we were no closer to an answer than we were when we started this, I agreed.

None of this has much to do with flr directly, until you consider all the issues he and I have had over the years.

More later..


  1. I hope I don't come across as too new agey, but hypnotism might be a solution. Try not to think of it as magic: think of it as a brain reset. Hypnotism could work if the subject takes it as an experiment that he is helping to control.

    1. Tried that-- several times. (I'm a naturopath, and New Age minded minister.. trained in hypnosis, EFT, Reiki, acupressure, and other forms of energy work.)

      He's got PTSD thanks to his mentally ill first wife. We've been dealing with THAT since day one. Early on I asked him to see a hypnotherapist colleague of mine. Knight saw him 5 or 6 times, but it didn't help.

      I'm certified in EFT, and I've been using that with him. We've had some success with it But the catch is that he won't use EFT on his own. I have to tell him it's time, decide what we're working on, create and say the cue phrase for him, AND do the tapping.

      It helps with the anxiety, but we've had no success with the memory loss, yet. Still trying.

      I've got my own opinions about the memory loss. Personally I believe that it's probably a combination to the PTSD, and some sort of unconscious attempt to get me to exercise more control over him. I've found that the more dominant I am, the fewer memory episodes we have.

      He thinks that's because he experiences a lot less anxiety and stress when I'm firmly in control of everything. The fewer choices he has, the happier he is.

      Now that he's been medically cleared, we're moving to super strict form of flr, where I basically make all his decisions for him. He asked me to take that level of control. The plan is to stick with the extreme level of control for the next 3 months, and then re-evaluate.

    2. hmmm, that´s interesting that all energy work you tried did not really help. I notice that all the energy is coming from you. he does not seem to put any energy in it. It does not seem balanced. You are trying so hard, and he is letting you do all the work. Maybe the dynamic changes if you work on your own ability to believe that he can get better/heal himself without you having to do all the work and coming up with all the energy FOR him? Just my 2 cents.

  2. Glad you are back. wish it were with better news. Hopefully you get good answers and can get back to sharing the fun side of FLR .


    1. Thanks. Now that he's been medically cleared, I'm focusing on an FLR related solution. I don't know if it will help, the the more dominant I am, the more relaxed and less anxious he feels. I have a post coming out in a day or so that talks about the extreme (to me, anyway) level of control I took over him after his dad died earlier this year. Knight has specifically asked if we could go back to that. He said he felt more content, closer to me, and and just plain better during those three months, and he'd like that back.

    2. This may be unwanted advice but omega 3 has a lot of correlating evidence in supporting and restoring Memory as well as helping lower anxiety. Good luck. Hes lucky to have you.

      Do you use a pledge our validation at all? Sounds like he would find pledging or giving you a regular reaffirming oath reassuring


    3. Not unwanted advice at all. Suggestions are welcome.

      But, he's on Omega 3's. He's also on several other anti-anxiety supplements and herbs. I'm a Naturopath with a specialization in herbal medicine. This has been going on for a couple years, and we've tried a lot of different supplements, herbs, protocols, and medications.

  3. Wow, two years. Welcome back.

    Talk about going through the wringer. And with no tangible outcome.

    Hope that you two find out what’s behind it all soon.

    1. Thanks. We've stopped the dr appointments for awhile because he was starting to feel like a science experiment.

      Right now, we're focusing on minimizing the impact of his memory problems,and strengthening my control over his actions.. he says knowing I'm firmly in control of everything helps.

  4. Glad to have you back but sad to hear about knight. I myself had some really bad memory loss going on and I was eating fish oil but then I started with coconut oil and it helped tremendously. Might be worth a shot? OF course stress is a big problem. That's why he operates better under your lead. Good luck



Knight has a thing for body piercings. I have a couple piercings that he gets to play with and take photos of when he's been really good...