Monday, October 22, 2012

Interesting Observation

Tommio wrote about how he seems to have an easier time managing his clinical depression when his with his dominant partner.

I found his observations interesting because my Knight also deals with depression. My Knight is not on standard medication for his depression. He prefers to use natural medicine, including diet changes, supplements and herbs to manage his depression symptoms. (for those who don't know - my degree is in Natural Healing, and I am a Master Herbalist, Natural Health Consultant, and Reiki Master as well as a technical writer.)   My Knight doesn't take herbs for the depression regularly. He hates taking medication of any kind, including herbs he sees as "medicine" so, if I sense my Knight has fallen to far in to "his pit of hell" I tell him to start taking the herbs we use, and to make sure he continues to take it  past the first time, I tell him exactly when and for how long to take it. Or.. I might tell him to take it until I say he can stop.

My Knight is a submissive guy... even if he does hate that word..... so he does what he's told.

But.. I have noticed how and IF I lead has an affect on my Knight's depression. When I solidly lead, I see less depression symptoms. I can help stop the anxiety and the dark thought spirals with a few well chosen, and firmly spoken words.  On more than one occasion, I have intentionally pushed his submissive buttons (again, I use that word my Knight dislikes so much...) to help him pullout of a round of anxiety or keep him from spiraling into the pit of hell.  Sometimes all it takes is a firm reminder that whatever it is that has him anxious is  not his job. I remind him that his job is to do what I ask of him without fail, and without question. That usually works against the anxiety and some of the moodiness.  For the full on depression it takes a little more structure.. a little more firmness, on my part. But being subjected to my dominant nature goes a long way to help him pull out of a full depression.

Before we started the FLR  my Knight's depressions lasted for months sometimes. Before FLR I would suggest he take a helpful herb, or I suggested he go to his doctor etc. I tried every "mainstream" way of helping him deal with these depressions. They just got worse. What would usually happen that I would hit the end of my patience and we would have a huge heated argument over the way he'd been acting. Those arguments would, more often than not, end with me telling him "either fix it or get the hell out."
He would come to me within hours to apologize and ask for my suggestions as to how to deal with the feeling of never ending doom hanging over him.

At those times I told him (my Knight uses the term "ordered") what herbs to take, when to see his doctor, what to every day and when to do it.  In other words, I was dominant.

Now.... we skip the asking, suggesting part.  He manages the depression MUCH better. We don't argue anymore and we have a MUCH better relationship.

1 comment:


Knight has a thing for body piercings. I have a couple piercings that he gets to play with and take photos of when he's been really good...