Sweet Evening

Yesterday was one of the few evenings we didn't have anything going on. No kid activities, no music rehearsals, nothing. I planned a quiet dinner and a movie with the kids. After dinner I told my 12 yr old son to  pick a movie while my 13 yr old took care of dinner clean up.  Nothing spectacular.  I settled down in my favorite spot with some knitting and we started the movie. Knight was in the office moving files from his laptop to our server computer. I called him in to us when the movie started. Knight stood in front of the couch for a minute,considering. Then he walked out of the room. A few minutes later he came back with my knitting light and a hot cup of tea. He placed the tea down to my right, set up my knitting light, and then sat down on the floor in front of me.  He curled his arm around my leg and rested his head on my knee.  I acknowledged him by putting my knitting aside and taking his pony tail out so I could play with his hair. I spent 15 or 20 minutes running my hand through his hair, and then I went back to my knitting.  Knight stayed there until the movie was over.

It's really a non-event, but it was one of those moments that make you stop and look carefully at what's going on around you. Knight was comfortable expressing the submissive side of himself by sitting at my feet, and I made it a point to show him I had acknowledged, and accepted his submission.  When he took up his spot at my feet, wrapped around my leg, I felt special. It was sweet, and somehow romantic, and precious.

We struggle with flr. Mostly because of my fiercely independent nature. I'm a "treat people as you want to be treated" kind of person. I strive to be kind, fair, and understanding in everything I do. Especially with those I care about. Even though I'm a natural leader, dominating my husband - the person who is my life  partner - goes against my nature.   At the same time, I know it makes him happy for me to be in control, and our marriage works better when I am in control. If I had not taken control we would most likely have divorced years ago. The reality is that we've been in an FLR  since the day we started dating. It just took me several years to figure it out.

Knight's actions last night showed me that we are both making progress. We're both becoming more comfortable openly expressing the dynamic that has been there all along. We're both learning to embrace this,and that can only lead to good things for us.