Wednesday, November 19, 2014

Knight's Punishment

After a good bit of thought, I've come to the conclusion that knight did not set out to disobey me. I believe he went down to the company party with every intention of only eating one slice of pizza. Then, when an older female co-worker started pressuring him to eat more, he gave in to her for whatever reason. I find myself wondering if he would have given in if it had been one of the guys pushing more food on him. Somehow, I don't think so. My knight tends to have "white knight syndrome" which often includes doing what the women around him ask. When we are out together, he always asks me before carrying things, moving things, opening doors etc for other women. I know that when I am not around he does these things whenever the opportunity presents itself. (and I'm okay with that)  If I had been there, knight would have refused the second piece of pizza. I'm sure of that.



So.. where that does leave me?
  1. We need to work on knight's self control.
  2. I need to get knight to understand that my directives overrule any and every other female on the planet, whether I'm there or not. 
  3.  We need to do things that will strengthen the flr dynamic between us.
I believe that punishment should always be designed to make a point, or teach something. What do I want knight to learn from this?

I want him to learn that he must obey my directives regardless of who is pressuring him to do what. There are times when he may need to disobey me when I'm not around - emergency type situations come to mind - that's not what I'm talking about here.. I'm talking about every day stuff, like not eating something he shouldn't simply because some woman shoves it in his face. (unless, of course, I've given him permission to play with one of my friends, but that's a different post.) I want him to learn self control even when he's being pressured, and I want him to learn to tell other people NO, when necessary.

Here is what I've come up with for knight's punishment:
  • He will get up early every morning for the next week and make coffee (for me)  and breakfast for both of us. Both are to be ready by 630 am. This works on the self control and the dedication and service to me. Knight prefers to get up at the last possible minute because that is our snuggle time. 
  • He will write a couple paragraphs about how he could have handled the pizza situation better. It will be written in 1st person, as several short stories. He will illustrate three ways he could have handled this instead of eating the pizza.  This will give him ideas on how he can better handle this type of situation next time.This is due to me by 10pm Saturday, 11/22
This situation has also prompted me to make some minor changes to our flr. From here on, knight is expected to:
  • Do something several times a day - minimally when he gets home from work (or when I pick him up from work), and before we go to bed each night - that underscores his dedication to our flr, and his desire to serve me.  I will leave the details of these actions up to him. But it needs to be clear and obvious to me that it is a sign of the flr. Some examples include: sitting on the floor, by my feet during book time, kissing my hand as he gets into the car, kneeling in front of me and professing his desire for flr, whispering in my ear that he is dedicated to our flr, and to me. I am open to anything he might come up with, and it does not have to be the same thing each day, and it need not be serious-he can be goofy and ham it up, as long as it's obvious to me what he is doing. 
  • From this point onward, I expect knight to verbally acknowledge that whether or not he orgasms is up to me. We've practiced orgasm control for a long time now, but we don't talk about it much. I expect him to say thank you for teasing sessions,  and sex play, regardless of whether or not I allow him to orgasm. This is something that knight did in the beginning of our relationship. I think I've mentioned that I didn't understand it, and eventually asked him to stop. I think thanking me for teasing, letting him give me an orgasm, or having one himself is a good way to remind him that I call the shots. Plus, I think we need to talk about things a little more, and this is a good way to open those conversations. 
If a similar situation happens again, his punishment will be fairly drastic. But I believe what he really needs is for the dynamic to be more obvious and visible between us. 

4 comments:

  1. In my opinion, I think you have come up with a very appropriate response along with a great path going forward.
    I really like your expectations requiring that he clearly show his dedication and desire to have a flr. I wish my wife would require or allow me to provide the same.
    Providing thanks for all sexual favors including control of the man's sex sounds like a wonderful way to keep it clearly in both partner's mind just who is in control.

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    1. I hope the changes I've made, along with the punishment helps knight to understand that I expect him to do what I ask him all the time, not just when we're together. I've told him quite a few times over the years since we started flr that he does not get it both ways. If he wants the lists, and the orgasm denial, and for me to manage the entirety of our lives then he had to do everything my way. I listen to his opinions, and take them into consideration, but in the end all the decisions are mine. And knight likes it that way.

      I wish I understood more about flr and the D/s mindset 10 years go. It might have saved us a lot of problems.

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  2. Yes, I wish I had learned about flr years ago. We have always had a very good relationship, but wow, what it could have been!

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  3. It's great that you two were able to have a good relationship before flr. My knight and I almost ended up in divorce pre-flr.

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