Here is a snapshot of what goes through my head. I know what I SHOULD do.... I know what I want to do. Do I have the guts to follow through?
It's been a week since we agreed to reinstate our FLR. On Monday, I wrote, shared and printed a new set of rules for my knight. One of those rules is that he keep his private areas shaved. I seriously dislike body hair. Right now, I don't require knight to shave his chest and stomach, only his pubic hair. I want it shaved completely, not trimmed.
Like I said, it's been just about a week since I updated our rules. He still has not shaved, and I'm starting to feel like if he won't even follow this simple directive that I'm wasting my time and energy. I've indirectly reminded him three times. "You need to re-read the rules, because you're forgetting stuff. You don't get to pick and choose." Maybe I'm wrong here, but I honestly expect knight to follow the rules simply because they are the rules. I don't feel I should have to enforce those expectations that I've written down for him. Yeah, we've been here before. Before when it was obvious that knight was disobeying me on purpose I looked for reasons, gave him another chance, got angry with him, got discouraged with the FLR, and finally just gave up.
But. Not. This. Time. Dammit. I am tired of the back and forth. I am tired of feeling like he's humoring me with the FLR. He agreed to this.. has even admitted that he asked for it. I want that hair gone.. and he's going to get rid of it if I have to tie his arms to our bedpost, and do it myself. It's not difficult, and he's done it fore. He's kept himself shaved at my request for the last couple years. He stopped shaving about 5 months ago, when everything went to hell.
This might be kind of fun, once I get over feeling awkward and silly. This is one of those times when I wish I drank. Tying knight up and shaving him might be easier with a drink or two in me.
At the same time, I feel like I should not have to resort to making him shave. It's right there in the rules. Number 8, I think. Knight was given an opportunity to discuss the rules Monday evening, before they went into effect. He told me he had nothing to add and no changes to request. So, he did agree.
And.. this is the part I don't understand. He wants me to set guidelines for him, wants me to lead us, and direct his behavior and efforts so that I am happy. Okay. Then why ignore the rules? It makes absolutely NO sense to me. This is where we always trip up.. he ignores a rule and it sends me into wondering what his motivation is, if he really wants the FLR at all. Is he just being stubborn for the sake of stubbornness? I don't believe that. Knight does things without thinking, he often does not understand my priorities, and acts contrary to what I would have requested had he asked, but he's never stubborn with me simply for the sake of being stubborn.
So.. WHY does something simple, like shaving, have to come down to me forcing him to comply? Is he hoping to push me into forcing the issue? I wish I understood this, because it's incredibly frustrating.
I'm not giving up this time. He is going to shave for me. I'm seriously thinking about tying him to he post of our bed, putting a blindfold on him, and shaving him. There's a good bit of hair there. Maybe once I have him blindfolded, I should get the electric trimmers and use those. Let him seriously wonder what the hell he's gotten himself into when he he hears me turn the trimmers on. Maybe then he'll pay attention to our written rules?
Outside of this one issue.. and the part of our bedtime routine that requires him to strip immediately after locking our bedroom door each night, knight is doing well. He completed his task list every day this week, and is close to completing his weekend list. He's following the rest of the rules, without question. Of course, the other rules are things he does or doesn't do anyway.
Yeah. Knight is being shaved this evening.