Friday, January 16, 2015

Disrespectful?

Hmm.. a few people have commented that they think knight's lack of response to my email was disrespectful. Maybe I'm giving him to much leeway here, but I don't think it was intended that way.

His behavior has changed slightly since I sent it, and I see that as a response in it's own right.  My knight is  very uncomfortable talking about sex, fantasies, and flr topics. When I bring those topics up in person he really struggles. When I bring them up in email he struggles just as much because he can't see me to judge my reaction  to his words. I've found the best approach is to state my thoughts in an email, and then bring the topic up again in bed a few days later.

In the couple days since I sent that email, my knight's behavior has undergone some slight changes. He is a tad more attentive. He's coming to me more frequently to be sure he's doing what I ask of him, and he seems to be thinking ahead a little bit more.  He's not assuming things, any more. For example he's no longer assuming we will watch a movie before bed. He's asking instead. He's not arguing or defending. The night after I sent the email, he got side tracked and forgot something on his list. I told him he would have to get up early and do it before he left for work. He started to say he didn't do it because it would have interrupted the kids' movie. I gave him "that look" and he stopped short. He completed the task without complaint the next morning.

Also, we have to consider the fact that my 19 yr old is home with her new boyfriend until Saturday. This is the same child who has had such a major issue with knight doing things for me in the past. She has told me that she thinks my leading and guiding knight is unfair at best, mildly abusive at worst. When she was living at home and I made a comment like, "I'll send him to the store on the way home from work to get that for you," or "I'll put it on his list", she would get angry and accuse me of being mean/unfair and taking advantage of him. I tried to explain that knight needs, and likes the guidance, heck knight even talked to her and explained that it helps him stay on track, and that doing things for us (meaning me and the kids) makes him feel needed.. but my dear daughter wouldn't listen. When I pointed out that we were no longer fighting because I was giving those detailed instructions, her answer was either "He's afraid of you" or "Yeah, because you don't let him think for himself"  It was the cause of many arguments between she and I. So knight knows that if he does anything overtly submissive in front of her, I will hear it from my daughter. Yes, I'm the mom, and it's my house. At the same time, I value my relationship with my adult children, and it's not worth the fight. 

Does that excuse knight for not answering my email? Of course not. I'm pretty sure he is waiting patiently for me to bring the topic up one evening while we are in bed.  But I don't think he's being intentionally disrespectful by not commenting on the email.

Somebody else thought that maybe knight was trying to bully me by simply "being a dick." Again, I disagree.  There have been many times that I thought he was being an ass. I've called him on each and every one, but he would never be an ass to me just for the sake of being an ass.  I'm not even sure he's capable of being an ass just for the sake of it.

No, I think he did respond to my email in his own way. Behaviors changed. He's simply waiting for me to bring the topic up in my own time.

6 comments:

  1. You are so kind to your knight. I hope he realises that.
    I like your blog.

    appy

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  2. You obviously know your husband better than any of us and so our perception of what is going on in your family is at best a guess. I still think though, he is being disrespectful by not mentioning the email. I get the not wanting to talk about the sex part but if you reread what you wrote so much of what you said had nothing to do with sex but had everything to do with following through with tasks and not giving you grief and not bucking your authority etc. etc. Given what you have shared about him I would have thought that he would have mentioned the email and brought up those topics that are most comfortable for him to discuss with you and save the conversations about sex for a more private time when you are ready to talk.

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  3. At the very least, I think Knight should have told you that he read your email and is thinking about how to answer. As things set now, I think he owes you a sincere apology for his inaction.

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  4. Angelique

    Please accept my apology for accusing your Knight'of being disrepectful. It is not my place to do so. 

    I think that the majority of the people,who read your blog are hoping that the two of you find the comfort, closeness, love, joy and contentment that this form of relationship can bring. Sorry for over stepping the mark.

    I find your blog interesting and thought provoking and helps me in understanding myself and to be a better partner to my wife.

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    Replies
    1. You did not step over the line. I'm not the least bit offended that you suggested knight was being disrespectful. Your comment made met stop an think about his lack of response, and the reasons for it. Any comment that is thought provoking is a good comment.

      Delete