Wednesday, January 14, 2015

His Reaction to Yesterday's Email

After I sent that email to my knight yesterday I headed out to run errands and head 2+hours north to pick up my daughter and her boyfriend from the airport. I checked email on the phone as often as I could, because I was curious how knight would respond. I made a special point to check my email while I sat in the parking lot waiting when we picked him up from work. He had plenty of time to read the email because I picked him up a full 2 hours after everyone else had left. I sent the email yesterday for just that reason. I knew it would be 6 or 7 pm before I got back from the airport, and I figured the time alone in the office would be the perfect time for him to think about, and respond (if he was going to)  to it.

At the least I was expecting "I don't know how I feel about this. Let me think about it." I thought he might defend, and explain, and discuss things  a little bit. At most I wondered if he would ask to call off the flr all together.  I had a response ready, in case he did just that.

All that in mind, I was surprised that, while I had several emails from knight waiting  for me, not one mentioned the flr related email. I read his emails while I waited for him to shut down and pack up his computer, and lock up the building. Not one mention, not even in passing, of the email I had sent him.

He walked across the parking lot and got pulled into a game of tag by the kids. Knight chased them around for  few minutes and then came over to give me a kiss. Nothing was said about the email on the way home. Of course we had an audience of 5 in the back seats, but still.. things can be veiled so that nobody understands what we're talking about. Once we were home, he had several opportunities to speak up. Still nothing. When we went to bed, finally completely alone, he still said nothing.

What was obvious to me, though, was that knight was a little more attentive to me, and to the kids, then he usually is. He went into my office and fixed my computer without a word to me. He helped with dinner clean up without being asked, and he checked in with me often.  Those things, tell me that he did read my email, and he just didn't have anything he wanted to say.

So, as I told him, silence means consent. Okay, then. I'm going to start shopping for his device. I have an idea which one I want him to wear. Or at least I know which one I don't like the look of. I'm still not thrilled with the idea of keeping him in chastity.  My reluctance has nothing to do with him, or his feelings on the matter. I like, no, I love the fact that he does not masturbate simply because I say so. Some of you will say, "if he's not locked, he's doing it, and you just don't know about it." While I'm sure it happens often, in this case, I am certain he's not. How can I be so sure? By the increased sensitivity, changes in length and girth that only happen when he's gone without for a long time.

But, at the same time, he didn't object to the idea, which leads me to believe that at least some of his bad behavior is an attempt to push me into giving him a more strict flr.

I've decided that I'm going to tie the use of the chastity device to increased communication. I want him to talk to me about his submissive thought and feelings. I want to know it all. Because I want to understand him as much as I can. So I will use the chastity device as a means to get that communication.

As for the spanking, I've decided that since he didn't object when given the chance, then HE does not see it as abusive. And, really abuse is in the eye of the receiver. If he tried to spank me as a punishment, I would be gone. Then again, if he wanted me to be submissive to him, I would not do it. It's part of the differences between us. I have given him the opportunity to tell me he is not willing to be spanked as punishment. He declined. That tells me that he doesn't see being spanked as punishment in the same way I do. Once again, I have to remind myself that just because I don't understand it, doesn't make it wrong for me to give it to him.






10 comments:

  1. Just make sure he doesn't like it or you will get more disobedience rather than less.

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  2. Wow. So interesting. Firstly I really wish my wife had the overt willingness that you have.

    As a submissive male who seems to share some of the same kinks and values that your husband has here are my thoughts.

    Effort / all about you etc - To me for any relationship to be successful both people have to put effort in. I suspect a reason so many marriages fail is that people get distracted from putting effort into their spouse.

    Having said that, in a dom sub relationship, the sub should be putting in a whole lot more effort. A lazy sub needs to be punished.

    Spanking is a bit of a two edged sword. In one way it is a turn on. The anticipation and so on. When its happening, at one intensity level it is a challenge. How much can I stand.

    Then at a higher intensity level it can be a punishment. I think it really has to hurt physically. For me personally I would love my wife to tie me down and cane me really really hard. I would love that to be such that I could cry and scream. I imagine her telling me I am to be punished because of whatever. I would willingly strip and lie on the bed while she tied me and then she would lay into me. I would want it to hurt and hurt a lot.

    Personally I do not see it as abuse. I think there is a lot of love associated when within a relationship one person accepts correction and the other is willing to give it.

    The other thing I saw was a frustration about allocated jobs not done. I can only say black and white. Be clear and punish when not done.

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  3. Are you content with him not responding to even one of the many questions you asked when you wrote your previous post? To me it seems as yet one more instance of him not respecting you enough to respond as any well mannered and obedient husband would to the woman he considers his Mistress/boss. But then again, maybe that is the real issue - he probably doesn't based on all you recently revealed - he does what he wants - you do what he wants - and he dosn't do what you want. I'm glad you finally got really pissed off. I think you need to maintain that state of rigidity for weeks until he breaks and eventually conforms. I wish you well.

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  4. I agree with I'm Hers comment above. To not acknowledge your email at all is highly disrespectful. I could feel the frustration in your email and I'm half a world away.

    IMHO I think he has just given you justifiable reason to exert your authority in the relationship. No time like the present to give him a memorable reminder of your expectations around communicating openly with you and the consequences should he not do so.

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  5. Hello Angelique,

    I'm in your corner on this, and recognize all the effort you are putting into your relationship. I hope you can sit knight down and ask him his thoughts on the email.

    It looks like knight is one of two things: either he is not comfortable talking about the situation, or he is bullying you by being a dick. Perhaps you could start on this expectation you hold for him: " I expect you to show appreciation for the things I do for you. A simple thank you goes a long way."

    If he's not simply being a dick, have him take baby steps, starting with communication. Have him articulate the things he appreciates about you, every day. You are worthy of that.

    If he cannot do that, get him into counseling or cut him loose. Sorry to be so harsh. You are an incredible woman who is putting a lot of love and effort into the relationship and I hate to see you face such frustration.

    Regarding the spanking, I would humbly suggest that Knight hasn't even earned the right for that yet. Perhaps you could tell him you will consider adding discipline if he delivers exceptional loving service for six months.

    Best of luck, dearest Angelique. I enjoy reading your thoughts and the expectations you have for your husband, That really helps me learn and appreciate what's own wife may be thinking.

    Thank you,

    Scott

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  6. Past history shows that your hubby won't communicate so in a way I am not surprised he didn't respond. I agree too that he heard you. You were very clear. And him ramping up the service was his way of communicating. I agree go forth with chastity and spankings as well as other punishment. I like your idea of tying the device to communication but just be careful to keep a realistic expectation of how his communication will grow. Yes in an ideal world he'll submit and give you exactly what you want but given communication is the thing he struggles most with you may have to draw it out of him very slowly. And whenever he does communicate which is obviously very hard for him I'd give him plenty of reassurance. There has been a long standing cycle of FLR, no FLR, FLR and so on. This has made it hard for you to guide him and probably hard for him to truly surrender to you even though i believe deep down he wants to. So my advice is plow ahead forward. You have his consent. Be strict and firm and take what you want. Give him praise when he is good and keep forward. Perhaps each night in bed tell him the things he did great about during the day and if there is something he could have done better mention it. He might require that to help him feel more secure in his roll. I'd absolutely keep pushing forward as it's clear no FLR makes the marriage not work well on his end and somehow you need to get farther into the FLR. If you feel he's pushing for punishments I'd make them ones that he cannot find any other form of enjoyment as that isn't a good habit for a sub and would be topping from the bottom.

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  7. I think you are 100 percent correct that he wants a more strict FLR but is embarrassed to verbalize his true feelings. From past posts, we know that communicating his feelings is not Knight's strong suit. Maybe what you are going to have to do is to implement rules and protocols and then gauge his actions. Also, I strongly agree with others here that not acknowledging and/or answering your heartfelt email was disrespectful. I think you should tell him upfront to his face that you are deeply hurt that he did not do that given the effort you put into writing it. When he comes up with his usual excuse(s), you should say there is no excuse for it and you are very disappointed. I'm guessing a bit, but I get the feeling that he is embarrassed to tell you his deep need for your dominance because he is afraid of what you will think of him. To make things a little more real in the more towards chastity, go to www.maturemetal.com and order the plastic sizing rings ($20) and print the instructions for measuring for a device. They will arrive quickly and as you measure him up, he will realize that you are serious about possibly locking him up. Given his penchant for lack of communication, you may have to just make a plan for moving forward with the FLR and stick with it despite and strange looks and responses from Knight. At some point, maybe he will realize if he wants a say in things, he is going to have to communicate his feelings. I think you know deep down what he needs and you are on the right track.

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  8. You are moving forward correctly. Your reasoning is sound based on his past history. Mistress Barbara and i agree with Mistress Marie and Wishful4. he has been disrespectful and should be reminded in Your process. Also remember, corner time is an option and can be effective. Press on... your are doing very well.

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  9. I bought a chastity device while my wife was on a trip and introduced it to her when she got home. She didn't like the open ended rule of me getting out only whenever she wanted and asked me to make specific rules to go by. When I said "I'll have to think about it", she told me top put the chastity device on, and that it would be on until I give her a set of clear, acceptable rules she can go by. She said that being locked will be my motivation to think about it. Boy, am I thinking!!!

    I'm sharing this because perhaps you could try something similar.

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    1. That's a good idea, but I already have a pretty solid idea of what his rules and requirements for locking up will be. Part of our problem is him not taking things seriously. I don't want him to create his own rules for when he locks or unlocks.

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