Sunday, January 11, 2015

If I Want Things To Change.......

......then I have to change them myself.

Knight isn't going to do it, and he isn't going to tell me how he wants this to look, or what he wants from the flr. I've tried asking, I've tried having him write about it, I've tried everything I can think of to get him to tell me why flr works for him, and what he wants from it. It gets me nowhere.

So.. how do I move this along to something closer to what I want? Let me take a look at what I know.....

What do I want from our flr? I want to know that I can depend on my knight to do what I ask of him - regardless of anything else. I want our kids to know Daddy is there to help them. I want him to help with housework, and do small things to help me keep romance alive and help keep us connected. I want us to be more open with each other sexually. Knight is often uncomfortable talking about fantasies because he's afraid they are "too extreme." (his words)

What do I like about our flr? I like controlling his orgasms. I like that he's attentive and likes to cuddle. I like that he always puts me and the kids first. I like that usually he tries really hard. I like that he's willing to do whatever I ask of him. I like when he is super horny, and shows it

What don't I like about our flr? That he often doesn't follow through. I feel like he doesn't fully participate, because he won't/can't tell me what he wants from this. I don't like punishing him. I don't like feeling alone. I don't like that sometimes when I want to try something new flr related that I often feel silly or stupid. I don't like that I've stopped being playful and spontaneous (but that started pre-flr because of all our arguing). I don't like that he is afraid/unwilling/hesitant to be forward when he is super horny.I don't like that he says he's unsure of what I want from him.  I don't like when the flr part of things falls apart. That he's so damned reserved about everything - sometimes his lack of showing his feelings make me feel stupid and question myself.

What does he like about our flr? He likes having me in charge. He likes me controlling his orgasms. He likes me assigning daily tasks, and he likes me controlling the budget. He likes it that I find him writing and photography time, and that I help him find projects. He likes that I push him past his comfort zone in a lot of areas. He likes the tease sessions. He likes making me happy in every way he can. He likes doing things for me. He likes knowing exactly what I want from him. He likes being my sex toy, and he likes talking about sex.


What doesn't he like about our flr? He doesn't like it when I drop the flr for any reason. He doesn't like disappointing me. He doesn't like it when I'm upset with him.


What does he want? Good question. From his actions alone I think he wants more dominance,  and more sex play. He wants me to cuckold him occasionally. He wants me to bring a 3rd person into our bedroom occasionally (he doesn't care if that person is male or female). He wants more sex play. He wants me to "force" him to try things he's too afraid to try. He wants me to "make him" play out those fantasies that he's to afraid to share with me because he thinks they are "extreme." He wants me to be comfortable doing whatever the heck I want to him.

What are we working toward?  Long term?  happiness, contentedness, peace, ect.

Short term - what do I want to work on this year? Communication. Being more spontaneous and playful. Trust.

How do I get there?  Getting over my "feeling stupid thing" and talking to him about flr stuff. Teasing him about the orgasm denial, talking about.. we tend to do things (like orgasm denial) but don't talk about it, or play with it , so it becomes serious. Being more sexual and teasing outside of the bedroom. Stop censoring my thoughts because I  know he'll freeze if I do something to surprise him -- surprise him anyway, and ignore it when he freezes.

5 comments:

  1. In a FLR it is not what he wants; it is what You want. ADD and ADHD does add an element to Your leadership and relationship, but medicines and diet can help both of you there. i recommend You make the relationship about what You want and what You need and move on. If it is not quite as much as he want, to bad for him, so sad for him. If he complains, spank him into next week. he will learn.

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    1. I agree you only up to a point. As the dominant partner, I have a responsibility to keep his needs and wants in mind. I must make sure his needs are met, and fulfill as many of his wants as I think is reasonable. (By reasonable, I mean: Can I do it? Do I want to do it? and Does he deserve it? ) While at the same time making sure my needs are met and my reasonable wants are met.

      It's my belief that a good dominant partner uses her submissive's wants to help motivate him. She gives him the opportunity to earn what he wants within what she feels is reasonable.



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  2. A good plan. Lead him on the journey or apply force as necessary. I would love to know what surprises you have in mind for Knight.

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  3. Good idea to surprise him. Show him you are taking charge.

    FD

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  4. Bravo for you! I was trying to come up with a comment to your last post that would say what I feel with out discouraging you. I ended up not commenting at all. You previous post sounded like the exact opposite of a FLR. All your thoughts were about what "he" likes and what makes him happy and how you can help him. Again, you doing all the heavy lifting and bearing all the stresses in the relationship. With all due respect, a FLR should be about you. Everything he does should be about supporting you, making your life easier and less stressful, and, yes, making you a happy and satisfied head of household. Your situation has sounded the exact opposite (in some respects) for a long time. I think you are now realizing it on your own. The fact that you have stuck with it is commendable. So take charge of this. Make sure Knight does what you need him to do to support "your" objectives. Some of it he may not like. Finally, I know you disagree, but Knight needs to be placed in a chastity device. A device has a way of changing male attitudes that is just amazing. Please reconsider it. Good luck of your journey forward.

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