Monday, February 2, 2015

Feeling .... Distant

I can feel a very definite distance building between my knight and I. We barely talk unless it's about the house or kids.  We have some serious issues going on with his 12 yr old daughter, and I'm sure that's a big part of the distance. He tends to withdraw and hide inside himself when things go badly wrong- and the situation with is 12 yr old daughter has gone badly wrong.  I'm doing all I can to get him to talk to me about how he's feeling without being a pain. The best I get from him is "I'm fine." I know he isn't.  He's falling into a depression because he feels helpless. My knight does not deal well with feeling helpless. But, the bottom line is that there is absolutely nothing either of us can do to remedy things. We have done all we could for the last 7 years, and now, the situation is out of our control. The final outcome is out of our hands. It doesn't matter what we do or say, the situation will continue as dictated by someone we have no influence over. It sucks for all of us.

Pulling away from me isn't going to change anything, except make it harder for us both to cope with the situation. But, pulling away is exactly what he's doing - in every way possible. When he pulls away, I tend to relax the flr a bit and give him the room he seems to need. This time, I have Not done that. His expectations have stayed the same. I had hoped the continuation of our routines and such would help keep him grounded while we deal with this mess. But, he's pulling away anyway. He's meeting most of the expectations, and he's completing his daily task list, but emotionally he's far away from us. He's going though the motions.....but not really paying attention to what he's doing.

I find myself wondering if I should up the ante a little bit. Do something unexpected and outside our routine to help him refocus on the things he can control. I'm thinking about buying a leather flail or crop and using it on him one night this week just to get a reaction out of him. But, I'm not sure if it will help or hurt.

Our wedding anniversary is next week. I'd like to do something that brings us closer, instead of allowing the current  "normal" to continue.

I know he's upset and feeling helpless over the situation with his daughter, so am I. But I don't want to allow the distance to spread. Distance is a bad.. bad thing for us. For any couple, really, but some people can live with the distance and be content with each other anyway. We can't. Distance leads to a complete impatience with each other.

I'm not really looking for advice here, although suggestions are appreciated. I'm mostly just documenting this so that I can look back at it later and see how I dealt with it for future reference.

It would be fun to have him make a flail for us. We have a lot of scrap leather lying around. I could have him cut a certain number of strips, and then braid and tie them together to make a flail. It would give him a project to work on. He would probably think it was for our LARP group. Then when the flail is done I could could use it on him. Of course, it would be easier and faster to just go buy one when I'm out this evening, but I think he needs a short building and design project. Something that won't take too much time, and that lends a bit of mystery to things..

Of course, it won't solve the problem at all, but it just might help him feel a little bit better, and bring us a little closer.


  1. Tie him over a chair,give ten hard ones. Take him by the hand and lead him to the bed."damn it what's wrong?" Ask that question 'til you get an appropiate answer.

  2. Hi Angelique,

    As a father I feel for your Knight. My daughter went through difficult times throughout her adolescence. At the time I really struggled. I didn't realise how damaging this had been to my relationship until recently. I would like to share some of my insights/thoughts but I am not comfortable doing so in such a public forum. Message me if you would like.

    Be confident in yourself that you know what is best for your Knight even if he doesn’t know himself. Dominate him as only you know how, give him a foundation on which he can rely. Provide him with the love and support he needs. Finding meaning and understanding often takes us men along time. DtBHC.

  3. so sorry to hear. At least you have some understanding of his kink.

    Were it me, when I am depressed which seems to happen a lot lately, what I would like is for my wife to take the dominant role. For me, I would love for her to understand me and that would be shown by pushing my boundaries. Spank me, wrap me in plastic, do a strip tease for me. There is a whole list. What floats my boat will of course be different for you and your knight but I suspect that pushing the extreme a bit may be a way.

    The only other thing I would say would be to try to have a conversation with him about how he is feeling and why and what you can do etc.

  4. Hi Queen,

    Your cryptic comments about the daughter lead me to believe that there is a custody battle for the 12 year daughter. Maybe I'm way off on that, but if not I'll say that there are MANY things you can do and you DO have influence over the decision maker. I've been through the nastiest of custody battles and I'd be happy to give you some advice if you'd like it. You can e-mail me if I'm right about this and you need or want some help.

    -best boy

  5. I can't say what will work for you but, I can relate. I sometimes have trouble with seasonal depression in the winter. My wife knows this and it helps keep me centered when she upps her dominance and control. I feel more secure and calm when she does this. This works for us, I hope you find the right balance for your knight.

    1. Yes. When I get stressed and twitchy, I get sent to the corner to chill. I think the routine of FLR and Femdom can actually help a sub who's in a bad place, especially when talking is too painful.

    2. Good luck in dealing with all this. The design and building project sounds good. But whatever you decide, I think you need to take charge. I think he needs to feel your control to get him more focused. Let us know what you decide.


  6. Think you are correct that keeping him very busy will keep his mind off of things he has no control over. Don't let up on your strict control. He seems to need it to keep on track. It doesn't make sense for him to stress out over things over which he has no control so don't let him him use it as an excuse for slacking off on the thing he does have control over, serving you. Hope things work out for the best.



Knight has a thing for body piercings. I have a couple piercings that he gets to play with and take photos of when he's been really good...