Wednesday, May 16, 2012

My Knight and I had a good discussion the other night.  The short version is that he's afraid of doing or saying something "stupid to screw things up."  Okay.. fair enough. This is new territory for me, too and I'm concerned about suggesting or doing something that might make him reconsider this whole FLR path. That, and I don't want to look stupid.  So, I get it. He's probably scared he'll come up with something so out there that I'll stop the whole FLR because of it.

But.... here's the thing. That's not going to happen. See... for us the alternative to FLR would be going back to the way things were before, and I don't even think that's possible. Before, my Knight was doing the stealth submission thing without even knowing it had a name. And it was annoying the living hell out of me. I mean.. seriously.. I found myself hoping he would work late, and avoiding doing things with him to avoid dealing with the way he was acting. I still loved him..... but his behavior was making me resent him.  I didn't have a clue and interpreted his refusal to make a decision.. ANY decision ..... as complete apathy.  Now I understand a lot better what he was trying to do.. so going back isn't even an option for us. Now that I understand a little bit about what my Knight was trying to do I no longer resent his past actions. Actually, I feel kinda dumb for not following through on this years ago.

The point is that when I decided to explore FLR with my Knight, I made the decision to make things work... even if it took embracing a lifestyle I was unfamiliar with. I reminded him of that last night and he seemed to relax a little bit.

Sure, it's possible he may suggest something I'm not interested in trying, but that's for me to decide. Not him. But, of course I can't make that decision if he won't tell me what he's thinking.

He's trying. The more we talk things out, the more obvious it becomes to me that he really has not given any thought at all to what he wants in regard to FLR stuff--- other than, "I just want you to be happy, babe."

While I was out last night I gave my Knight an assignment. I sent him links to two blog posts, told him to read those, and then read through QnK a little bit, because he still has not read my blog, and then write a bit about what he thought about what he read. He was also supposed to comment on one of the blogs he read.

He did the reading, and a little more besides. He said he read the two posts I sent him, and flipped through some of the blogs that I have linked to on QnK, then he read my blog. He didn't comment on any blogs though, because he couldn't remember my password for Angelique, so commenting had to wait.  I got home before he was able to write his responses, but we're talking about it this morning.

So far all he's said is ".....interesting."

2 comments:

  1. sorry for stating the obvious, but sometimes it is helpful. Your husband sounds like he might be one of those submissives.

    take care.

    ;-}

    ReplyDelete
  2. Knight, this is to you..... I was reading your wife's post tonight and began to reflect back on the time when Katie and I first started this Domme/sub lifestyle. I remember not knowing how to act, not knowing if I should 'act' this way or 'that' way. I didn't know if I should make eye contact with her; I didn't know if I should call her 'ma'am' or 'mistress' or 'miss katie'. We struggled through those early times. Katie too didn't know how to take my actions. There were some awkward times but over time we worked through it. In the end we found out that just being ourselves was what we needed to do. And that is how we act now. I act like I always have and she does the same. The difference is that I know (and she does too) that she's in charge of our relationship. She makes the decisions - unless she tells me to make them. But I voice my opinion. I tell her what I think. It's just her prerogative to act on my input or on her own. I hope you can relax knowing that Angelique loves you. Rest in that thought. Embrace that thought. Then do all you can to respect, honor and take care of her with all of your abilities. And of course, obey her word as gold. I wish you well.

    ReplyDelete