Monday, May 14, 2012

Our Weekend and New Rules

My Knight and I have had some issues with unauthorized release lately. No, he's not masturbating. He's gone back to not communicating when he's getting to close to stop the release and so we've had a few instances of "oops. That wasn't supposed to happen."  That along with some things on his weekend list not being accomplished have led me to institute a few new rules and take a renewed interest in reminding him of some old rules.  I am starting with more intense orgasm and open orgasm denial, an increase in the expected and demanded communication, and a several time each day short ritual to reinforce that my Knight is in submission to me that reinforces the nurturing part of our relationship.

Here's the list I sent him this morning:.

(this one you should know, because we've discussed it)-- There will be no bjs for two weeks because of the "oops" on Friday. I may, however, tease you with my tongue just to make you squirm,  and remind you what you're missing out on because of your indiscretion.

I am adding time to your next "scheduled" release. I won't tell you how much time I'm adding, or how long it will be. Don't ask, and don't whine about it. If there are any more "oops" I will add more time proportionately for each one.(example, 1 day for the first one, 2 days for the second. 4 days the third, 8 days for the forth and so on)  Obviously, getting irritated or frustrated over it and doing it  yourself is NOT okay with me and we'll have to look at more drastic measures if that happens.  -- so just don't.

It is however, okay-- expected even-- that you talk to me about how you're feeling about the whole thing. There is a difference between telling me how you feel or how its effecting you and whining. I'll let you know if you cross that line. I *want* to know how these things make you feel.

 Each "oops" will also result in my reducing how long and intensely I play -- to avoid pushing you over the edge.    How much time am I adding for each occurrence? I'm not sure I should tell you because  the last time I tried to discuss it with you, you got mopey, whiny and irritable.

Be forewarned, I will play less directly until you start communicating more. I don't want any more "oops" and that means I need to lay off a bit. That doesn't mean that *we* will play less and it doesn't mean that I will play with you less..... just that I will take you to the edge less frequently and less intensely for a while. You can show me you're ready to handle more by communicating with me.

Until you start showing more control and more willingness communicate, I am taking complete control in the bedroom. You can still start things, but you can't decide if or when you get to slip inside. If I allow you inside you will follow directions (spoken and unspoken) exactly.

I will start teaching you to respond more to my words. What does that mean? I'm going to experiment with actually telling you when you may and may not release. When you are getting close I want you to start asking if it's okay.

Do you remember when we first got together? You always thanked me after sex.   I asked you to stop because I didn't get it... it struck me as...... well.. exactly what it is.. a submissive action... but I didn't understand then. I do now. It was a mistake for me to ask you to stop and I want you to start thanking me again.  Except I want  you to tell me what you're thanking me for.

We need a daily ritual reminder of our dynamic. Something we can do three or more times each day. I'm thinking minimum - First thing in the morning, when you/we get home and right before bed. I will add times as I see the opportunity and the need. For example, anytime we are separated for more than 2 hours, or if you seem to be having a hard time following directions, or you seem flustered or upset. I also reserve the right to call it time "just because."  What's the ritual, you ask? We will take 10 minutes alone in the bedroom. We will stretch out on the bed, as close as we can, and you will suck and play with my nipples. This is not "let's get carried away and have sex" time. This is reconnect time. Time to stop the world, stop our thoughts and pay attention to taking care of each other. Time for you to get lost in being mine. It's an emotional reconnection.  (I am open to other ideas, if you think you have something that will work better)

I want you to start talking to me every day about how you are feeling. I'm thinking right before we go to bed either before or after our nipple sucking time, but any time will work for me. Tell me what we've done that day that encouraged you to feel "submissive" and what killed it. What you enjoyed, and what you didn't. I want to know what worked for you and what didn't.  How you're doing with the orgasm denial and how it made you feel that day. What, if any fantasies you had that day, and anything else that crosses your mind.  

We will start going to bed between 10 and 1030 each night so that we have time for the conversation and our ritual time before we fall asleep. If I forget we need to go to bed "early" I want you to remind me.

While I am at rehearsal tonight you will (in this order, after the kids go to bed)
  1. Write that blog post for QnK.
  2. Finish that form 
  3. Wash the crock pot.
  4. and if you have time, work on my office.
Shortly after I get home from rehearsal we will retire to the bedroom where you will snuggle up to me and suck my nipples for 10 minutes. Then I want you to grab the oil and give me a massage. I'll let you know what I want after that. 

4 comments:

  1. Mistress Angelique,

    Reading the communication to your husband that you shared in the post, I can tell that you are putting effort into learning your new role. I was just reflecting this past weekend on how the D/s dynamic and the corresponding self discoveries by both the Domme and the submissive man brings the couple so much closer together as very intiment and secrete thoughts are exchanged more openly and it feels like a level of trust is built unknown to an egalitarian couple. There is a tremendous amount of difficult self discovery which occurs for both partners and I applaud your efforts.

    Take care.

    Sincerely,

    -SH

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  2. Thanks SH. I am trying.I know exactly what I want from all this, I'm just not always sure how to get there. Even though I have dominate nature expressing it openly is still a very new thing for me. It's taken me a year to start to become comfortable with the whole thing. I've moved from being the dominant partner to save our marriage to being the dominant partner because we both enjoy it. But, I still have a way to go.

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  3. Angelique,
    It seems that one of your primary objectives you want to accomplish is getting your husband to open up more. You've mentioned in past posts that he is a writer. I would think that writing would come easy for him. As I read your post you touched on several topics. Maybe you need for him to find 10 minutes a day to write about specific topics, read a blog of your choice and write a response or at least a reflection to you, etc. In doing so, he will take time to introspect and help the two of you to talk about the issues, topics or experiences you want more verbalization of him. I'm loving your blog.

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  4. That is a great idea. I have been assigning writing topics and clearing 60-90 minutes for my Knight to write on each one. But, he has not read any blogs or anything else FLR related. I asked him to research FLR on his own a year ago, but he never did. Saying instead that he trusts me and will go where ever I lead. I get the feeling that he's not entirely comfortable exploring this part of himself because he's not sure what he'll find. We're working on it.

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