I am still sorting through my feelings and impressions regarding my Knight's total break of my trust the other day. Yes, the incident itself was a small one. And yes.. if he had asked me if it was okay I would have said yes. BUT.. the whole point is that he did NOT ask.. did not even mention it until the circumstances forced him to. He had almost 12 full hours in which to come clean, and he failed to do so. For which is reasoning was, "She didn't answer my email."
I have not handed down his final punishment because I have not yet decided what will best get the point across. The easy answer would have been to shock the hell out of him by beating his ass with a hairbrush until I simply couldn't swing that brush anymore. Goodness knows that I was, and still am, angry enough to do it. But..... as much as I may be tempted, I'm not so sure that approach is me. And the biggest question -- would it make enough of an impression on him to keep him from ever repeating the behavior. Somehow, I don't think so. I think it would make him angry and resentful. I could be wrong, but it seems to me that both those emotions are pretty counterproductive to the kind of trust and absolute honesty I expect from him.
I think I need to focus on trust building activities. Find things which build trust and, at the same time increase emotional attachment to me. I'm not sure what those activities are.. I'm going to spend some time this weekend researching.
At the same time there still needs to be some sort of punishment for his behavior. Because this is an ongoing issue in our marriage, I am not buying his repeated apologies. At this point, I still think he'd do it again given similar circumstances, and that's unacceptable. His punishment needs to stand out in his mind and make it absolutely clear that this behavior is NEVER to happen again.
When we started the FLR aspect I created a a bag full of possible punishments. I've never needed to use that bag, but there is a first time for everything. I think I will have him roll a die. The number on the die will be the number of punishment slips he pulls from the bag. All punishments must be completed before Sunday night or there will be additional consequences. Probably in the from of pulling another slip from the bag and not being permitted in the same room with me until they are complete.
That's what I'm leaning toward, anyway.