Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Scheduled Review

Tonight, my knight and I will have our scheduled flr review. I plan these reviews monthly as a time to discuss what is working, what's not working, and what each of us would like to see changed in the next month. The purpose of these reviews is to give my knight an opportunity to openly discuss what he likes and wants from our flr, because between scheduled reviews he is expected to do as told without complaint.

It's been a rough month for us. My knight has not been so great at following instructions or meeting expectations. Here is a short list of the problems we've been having:
1. He has not remembered to review his daily task list with me before bed.
2. Task list items have not been completed
3. He does not seem to be taking flr seriously. Examples:
             a. Making excuses for not completing tasks.
             b. Thinking "I'm sorry" some how fixes tasks repeatedly not getting done
4. Spending money without my approval
5. Not sticking to shopping lists.
6. Being undependable.
7. Yesterday, he has a task list for while I was gone. He did not follow that task list, and instead did chores not on his list for the day.

There are more.. but these are the big ones.

Now, my knight is much better about these things when I am strict, and just a bit stern with him. The problem is that strict and stern is not my normal personality. Yes, I'm picky, and just a bit difficult to live with sometimes. There are some things that I expect to be "just so" --knight following his task list is one of those things. But, really, the things I'm super picky about are not many, and not unreasonable, and outside of those things, I'm pretty laid back about most things. I expect household tasks to get done correctly and on-time, I expect the people who live here to pick up after themselves. These things are important to me because there are eight people in our family, and six of us are living in one house. I have to stay on top of things so that the household runs smoothly and everyone gets where and what they need when they need.

I don't like being strict and stern with my knight. I'd much rather be relaxed and playful with him. But, when I am relaxed and playful, he starts slacking off.

Tonight we are going to discuss ways to get him to follow his task list, and present that task list to me at the end of the day for review each and every day.

We're going to talk about what motivates him to do as I asked, and what makes him feel frustrated. And, we're going to discuss punishments for not complying with my instructions. I want to know how my knight feels about punishments. Once, when we were first starting out in flr, he told me "do whatever you feel you need to, to get me to do what you expect." But, then, when I handed down punishments, he ignored them and refused to complete the punishment...

Tonight, I want to know:
Do I really have free reign to punish him however I see fit?
What motivates him to do as I've asked?
I am considering a chastity device to be used as punishment (because nothing else seems to be working). How does he feel about that?
What kinds of punishments does he think will work to change his behavior and encourage him to be more reliable?




7 comments:

  1. Before you do have this talk, I think it would be good for you to consider if you want to have him 'agree' or 'ok' the items you feel are needed. For example, you may want to put him into chastity because it will serve a positive purpose rather than making it a negative change. I don't know if it is the best choice to let him decide what kinds of punishment would be best for him - because in effect, you are letting him decide - and as the submissive (I know he doesnt like that word) he shouldn't have that right. The decision should be yours. I have a strong suspicion that things will get worse before they get better. He needs to be broken and then reformed. He's way to resistant and maybe the whole flr won't work for you two at all. Consider carefully

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  2. I am new to reading your blog so if my advise is something you have tried or know won't work please forgive me for not completely understanding the situation.

    I am a sub, I obey my Mistress and the worst thing that she can ever do is not pay attention to me, ignore me or not act like we are in an FLR. It hasn't happened often but when she is cold and distant and I go about what I think will make her happy its a tough road for me. I would rather be locked up for a month, beaten till I cry and write sentences for hours rather than her ignore me or decide the flr is over.

    Is that a possible option to suspend the things he really wants.

    For me when I am punished it's a learning process but also its a way for us to "make up" after the punishment I apologize and we talk. The aftermath is quite wonderful because it gets me back into her good graces. If Mistress is angry enough she won't punish me, just stay cold and distant and explain that if I don't want to do this then she won't either and if we aren't in an FLR mode she isn't happy.

    I guess just because it works on me doesn't mean it will work on your husband but you sound like you are getting at your wits end with him so maybe something different needs to be tried.

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    Replies
    1. I've suspended our flr a couple times because I've been frustrated and irritated with his on-going actions. When I suspend our flr, he becomes anxious, depressed and completely incapable of making decisions for himself. Things get increasingly worse until I get angry and blow up at him. After that he's on his best behavior. Shortly after that I go back to the flr.

      Suspending our flr makes both of us unhappy.

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  3. Very good advice from I'm Hers. I can tell you love Knight and want him to be happy and I guess it's okay to let him talk about what he likes and wants from the FLR, but I think you know what answer you are going to get in advance. That, "he just wants you to be happy", seems to be his canned answer. This FLR is about your wants and needs, not his.

    You say that you don't like to be a strict and stern mistress, but it seems that is exactly what he needs. To get what you want and what he needs, you may have to step outside your comfort zone for a while in order to get this moving in the right direction. As I'm sure you are aware, his likes and wants from the FLR may not be what he needs from the FLR.

    I'm glad you are having these reviews. I think they will help you figure out what's working and what's not. You may want to schedule them more frequently. If you have instructed him to speak openly, I recommend you tell him you will take his suggestions under advisement but your decisions are final. One last thing. If he is truly wants to be your submissive, I doubt he will see wearing a chastity device as punishment. Over time, it may deepen his submission, and he will love and worship you even more, which would be a good thing. I can't explain why this happens, it just does. When time permits, I hope you will post how the review went.

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  4. Everything is correctable. i suggest You go to weekly reviews and more immediate punishment, and rewards if appropriate.

    Yes, You should punish knight in any way You consider correct. It is only Your choice.

    Knight's love for you should be his motivation

    A chastity cage would be good for him. It is Your choice not his. i would also suggest panties, but You may not be ready for that Yourself. However, in panties he will always know his position.

    For an immediate punishment try conner time with pants and underwear down at his ankles. Once a week teasing, spanking, and conner time in that order.

    With improvement in behavior, reviews might move to two weeks, then three weeks, then once a month. It might take 18 to 24 months to reach the monthly point.

    FLR does not have to mean and cruel. It can be fun and exciting. However, the training period must be strict and stern when it involves establishing the foundation behaviors.

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  5. I appreciate everyone's input. I'm asking his opinion on punishments and chastity because we've never really talked about these things. Once, when we first started flr, I asked him for a list of possible punishment ideas,and a list of possible reward ideas. Both lists looked about the same... a combination of light to medium bondage play, cuckholding him, "making him" bring me to orgasm in various situations and places,intimate photography.. that kind of thing.. but his punishment list read more like a list of fantasies than real punishments. That was a couple years ago.. and I want to get a sense of what his limits are , because......again, it's never been discussed.

    We've never discussed chastity devices at all. He's still fairly uncomfortable talking about a lot of these things.

    As for the monthly reviews- they are not reviews of his behavior. I deal with actions I don't like almost immediately. The reviews are an opportunity for him to speak freely about his feelings about the flr dynamic, and what we both want from it. Outside of scheduled review times, I won't listen to any complaining about the rules. He's expected to do as I ask him without question. The review time is an evaluation of if and how flr is working for each of us.

    I used to do them weekly. I did weekly check-ins because I wanted to make sure we were on the same page, and he wasn't feeling ...bullied or run over and wasn't resenting the arrangement or the rules. We moved to monthly because he never had anything to add to the conversation. I would talk about how I thought things were going, and ask him if there was anything he wanted to do differently, or add, and each week his answer was the same. "it's fine. I'm okay with things." or.. "I like things the way they are. Why would I have a problem with it." After a few weeks of this he asked me if we could change it to monthly instead because he didn't resent the dynamic, and didn't want to give up on flr. He said the he knew I would tell him if I was upset about something he'd done, and he felt that once a month was more than enough opportunity for him to voice any complaints about the flr.

    I just sent him to the store.We're going to sit down for our review when he gets home.






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  6. I might be wrong, but from what you are saying, I just wonder if he is just trying to manipulate you into becoming a far more strict and dominant wife then you maybe prepared for.

    If he is like many submissive men, he will have in mind a way of life, a type of fantasy, in which he is subjected to various forms of ritual submissions, punishments and even humiliations. For most, this type of fantasy life is impossible to live out, unless of course, your wife is very understanding or enjoys being that dominant.

    You maybe just that, but unless he doesn't really want a FLR or is not really a submissive, then I can only assume that his failure not to complete his tasks or treat you with the respect and obedience that you deserve, then he must be trying to encourage you to greater strictness and impose punishments.

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