Wow, You Have Him Trained, Don't You?

My 9 yr old and I both sing with a local choir group. Today we had an outdoor performance. The stage was a large flat bed trailer. Someone had leaned a metal door looking thing up to create a ramp for the performers to walk up on stage. It was steep, and I was wearing boots with a two inch heal on them. When I started up the ramp, I lost my balance just a bit and went back down the ramp. One of the gentlemen in our singing group offered to assist me. I thanked him and told him I was fine. Knight was sitting in a chair in front of the far side of the stage. I looked at him, and made a small motion with my hand. Knight immediately got up and came over to help me up the ramp. 

Once we were settled on stage, and before we started singing, one of the women in our group leaned over and very quietly said, "Wow, you have him trained, don't you?" I smiled and told her that he probably expected me to have trouble getting up that ramp since my balance is iffy because of the MS. "I wish my husband kept an eye out for me like that," she said.

Balancing FLR and Parenting

Is this an odd topic? I mean.. parenting and flr should be separate, right? Who crosses the two? I don't know about most women, but for me being "Mom" is a huge part of who I am.  I'm "Mom" before I'm anything else. It's been that way since the moment I learned I was pregnant with kid #1, 22 years ago.

  Sure, I'm other things: author, tech geek, head of a homeschool family,  musician, songwriter, wife, speaker of 3 languages, herbalist, naturopath, Reiki Master,.... etc., but before all of those things, I am "Mom" to six great kids. Two of those kids are young adults, and are out in the world making their own lives, one kid lives with her "other family" in another state. But, just because they are grown or live elsewhere does not change the fact that they are my kids, and they come first.

Now, before you go and tell me that my beliefs and attitudes set women back 100 years, understand that this is MY choice. I homeschool my kids, and have stayed out of the "out of home workforce" (I do work from home), by my choice. I don't do it because my knight wants me to, or because society tells me to. I don't give a rat's behind what "society" may or may not expect from me, and while I do care what my knight wants from me, he does not get to decide if I stay home with the kids. That decision is mine alone, and I expect him to support that decision whether he agrees or not. I do it because it feels right to me. I expect other women to make the choices that feel right to them, and I will firmly defend their right to make that choice whether I agree or not.


That said.. it's hard to feel sexy -- to feel sexily dominant - when I am home with the kids all day. From the minute I get up in the morning, until the last kid goes to bed at night, my focus is on being the best mom and teacher I can be. That includes running both my businesses, because I believe it's important to teach kids how to make their own money. My main focus is  being Mom. In the evening, when knight comes home from work, I'm expected to merge "Mom to the kids" with "leader of our marriage, and dominant partner."

I still don't know how to do that. Sure, I send knight his daily task list, and I manage all the house business, money, and calendars. For the most part, knight does as I tell him.. (the on-going issues aside), he does as I tell him all the time, regardless of who is around. If you asked my kids who is in charge around here, all six would tell you "Mom" with no hesitation.  I'm not talking about the every day routine stuff. I'm talking specifically about being flirty, sexy and dominant behind closed doors. I have a hard time flipping that switch once the kids are in bed.

I know the kind of dominant wife I want to be. I've given this a lot of thought. I think I know what kind of dominant my knight needs me to be. I think he needs to feel my dominance strongly. Experience has shown me that.

I want to be the dominant who teases often, who ties him up and makes out with my friend, or plays with my favorite sex toy in front of him.. just out of his reach. I want to be the dominant who punishes him when he needs it without worrying about what the kids will think if they find out. I want to be that wife who plays with his cock when he opens or closes a door for me, and who flirts and teases relentlessly. I want to send him erotic stories that I've written just to get him thinking about me at work.  Why? Because these  things turn me on.. they make me happy.  Okay. .the punishment thing does not turn me on, or make me happy, but I realize it's necessary.

And, yet, when the kids are in bed, and knight and I are locked away in the privacy of our bedroom I still have a difficult time turning off the mom part and turning on the sexy.  That's not to say that I baby and mother my knight. I don't. But, the mom part of me stops me and says, "you're a mom, you're not supposed to feel sexy. But, I know that's  not true. Those thoughts are not fact, are not real.. they are something from the back of my head.

I have an easier time of it when I'm away from the kids for an hour or two, but that doesn't happen very often. Ever try to find a babysitter for a 13 yr old with Autism? Yeah.. it's not so easy. Knight and I haven't gone out alone in 6 months. That's probably a big part of the problem. I never get away from 'being mom" Mom's are expected to always be in "mom mode". When you have a special needs kid it's even more demanding. Without time away from the kids I never get to switch out of mom mode. Sure, knight can take the kids out, or I can leave knight home with the kids and get a break that way.  But, the idea is to take the break together, so I can switch from mom mode to sexy dominant mode.

I'm not sure things are any clearer after writing this. Most of the time, writing it out helps, but this time not so much. I do know that if I could switch between the two more easily our flr stuff wouldn't get dropped or put on the back burner so often. The flr aspect of our marriage would be smoother.

Paying Closer Attention to His Reactions

The past few days have been unremarkable. Knight has been completing his daily task list, and has been meeting expectations without any problem. Most nights, I spend half an our or so in some sort of cock tease for him, which always results in an orgasm for me. Since we've gone back to FLR, knight has been slowly and steadily settling back down. He's talking to me more, and fighting the FLR less. It'll take us a bit of time to get things where I want them. But, we will get there.

I've been trying to pay closer attention to his moods and general attitude.  His attitude has improved a lot over the last couple of weeks. Last weekend, knight had kitchen duty all weekend - that meant he was responsible for all cooking and cleaning, and I expected the kitchen to be spotless by the time we went to bed on Sunday. It was punishment for not cleaning my cast iron pans when asked earlier that week. Before we reinstated the FLR, knight would have just blown off the extra kitchen work, and complained that I was being unfair about the cast iron. But, last weekend he stepped up and did exactly what I required of him without argument. It was a nice change. Earlier this week, I gave knight a shopping list and asked him to stop at the store with the kids on his way back from an activity. He did so, but let our 12 yr old talk him into getting an item that was not on the list. Our 12 yr old misunderstood what I was doing for his younger sister's birthday, and thought we needed white chocolate chips. Knight figured 12 yr old knew what he was talking about (because he usually does), and thought maybe I'd forgotten to send him an updated list before he left work, so he bought the chips. When knight and the kids got home, I questioned him about the white chocolate. When I told him he was wrong, he was gracious and apologized for not texting me for clarification.  Again.. a pleasant change from what I was dealing with before we went back to the FLR.

I have noticed, though, that knight tends to make little "mistakes" when I don't actively show my dominance. It doesn't seem to take much to make him feel my control over him. Simple things, like a request for him to stop what he's doing and make my tea seem to make him happy. Telling him "I want you to ..... " instead of asking, or standing at my car door and waiting for him to open it seem to make make him smile.

He is talking to me a little bit more, but I have to ask very specific questions; open ended questions usually get silence, or a confused look.

Hopefully things will continue to improve. I need to work on being more comfortable acting on things. There are things I'd like to do that I have not because I still feel silly and awkward. I'm working on getting over that, and forgetting all the times he simply didn't react when I tried to do something different in or out of the bedroom. We've talked about his freezing. He says he didn't know how I wanted him to react, and not knowing what I wanted caused a firestorm in his head -- he stood there questioning himself, and debating with himself about what he should do, and so did nothing.  I've told him exactly how I want him to react in new situations in the bedroom, so that should solve the problem. And yet, I'm still hesitant to introduce new things because of those past experiences. I need to step back from that, and give knight a chance to show me he will do as I asked.

My Plans For the Evening

The past couple days have kind of "blah". There hasn't been a lot of obvious flr stuff going on because I've simply been too tired after a full day of teaching kids, doing necessary housework and running my two businesses.  My day starts at 530am, and I usually don't stop until 8 or 9 pm. 

I think knight is feeling a little neglected and I want to do something special tonight. But, I also want to spend some time building trust and communication between us, so I've come up with a little game.

The idea is to reinforce honest answers and trust while putting a bit of fun into this otherwise stressful and busy week.

After he removes his clothes this evening, I'm going to blindfold him. Then, I'll gather various items - massage oil, restraints, some of our sex toys, items of different textures, ect. I'll ask him a question about something he doesn't usually like to talk about.. flr stuff, mostly. If I'm happy with the quality of his answer, I'll do something to him - maybe a kiss, maybe lead his hands to remove some of my clothing, maybe let him a toy on me for a minute something like that. After a minute, I'll ask the next question. If I don't like the quality of his answer I'll either pinch him (nope not into pain), ignore him for a minute, or increase the restraints (yeah, he might not answer just to get tied up more.... but wouldn't it totally suck to get tied up and then ignored? It would for him)

I'll keep this up until we run out of things to talk about, or until he's closer to coming than I want him to be, or until he's so tied up from not answering me that I can't do anything else. In which case, I'll take off the restraints and go to bed.

 Nope, he won't get to come. It doesn't matter how honest his answers are, he's not allowed to orgasm.

Shaving Issue Resolved.

Last night I was going to go ahead and shave knight myself.

The plan was to wait until he got undressed, get all flirty and then blindfold him and tie him to our bedpost. After that I figured I'd play it up a bit with a little cock tease including the oil I make that he likes so much. After I had him good and going, I was going to leave our room and go get the clippers. Tease another minute or two and then turn the clippers on and take care of the shaving. I'd also decided that since I had to do this for him, I would go head and shave his chest, too. I figured that would make my point nicely. After I was done, I was going to take pictures to send to one of my friends.

I was ready to put my plan in to action. But, when we went into the bedroom last night, knight went directly to our vanity counter and grabbed his rechargeable moustache trimmer, and disappeared into our bathroom. I heard the trimmers come on almost immediately. He FINALLY did the shaving himself.

Honestly I found the whole thing kind of humorous because knight felt the need to hide in the bathroom to do this. Our bathroom is in our bedroom and it has an open floor plan. What that means is that there is an archway between our bedroom and the "dressing area".. which includes shower, bathtub, vanity, sinks, and closet. The toilet is in a small closet size room by itself. That is where knight hid to shave. Why? He's never been shy in front of me before, so why start now?

But.. whatever.. the job is done, and I've made it clear that I expect him to maintain it very closely. I don't want to feel stubble.

I was kind of looking forward to carrying out my plan.

Not This Time, Dammit.

Here is a snapshot of what goes through my head. I know what I SHOULD do.... I know what I want to do. Do I have the guts to follow through?

It's been a week since we agreed to reinstate our FLR. On Monday, I wrote, shared and printed a new set of rules for my knight. One of those rules is that he keep his private areas shaved. I seriously dislike body hair. Right now, I don't require knight to shave his chest and stomach, only his pubic hair.  I want it shaved completely, not trimmed.

Like I said, it's been just about a week since I updated our rules. He still has not shaved, and I'm starting to feel like if he won't even follow this simple directive that I'm wasting my time and energy. I've indirectly reminded him three times. "You need to re-read the rules, because you're forgetting stuff. You don't get to pick and choose." Maybe I'm wrong here, but I honestly expect knight to follow the rules simply because they are the rules. I don't feel I should have to enforce those expectations that I've written down for him. Yeah, we've been here before. Before when it was obvious that knight was disobeying me on purpose I looked for reasons, gave him another chance, got angry with him, got discouraged with the FLR, and finally just gave up.

But. Not. This. Time. Dammit.  I am tired of the back and forth. I am tired of feeling like he's humoring me with the FLR. He agreed to this.. has even admitted that he asked for it. I want that hair gone.. and he's going to get rid of it if I have to tie his arms to our bedpost, and do it myself.  It's not difficult, and he's done it fore. He's kept himself shaved at my request for the last couple years. He stopped shaving about 5 months ago, when everything went to hell.


 This might be kind of fun, once I get over feeling awkward and silly. This is one of those times when I wish I drank. Tying knight up and shaving him might be easier with a drink or two in me.

At the same time, I feel like I should not have to resort to making him shave. It's right there in the rules. Number 8, I think. Knight was given an opportunity to discuss the rules Monday evening, before they went into effect. He told me he had nothing to add and no changes to request. So, he did agree.

And.. this is the part I don't understand. He wants me to set guidelines for him, wants me to lead us, and direct his behavior and efforts so that I am happy. Okay. Then why ignore the rules? It makes absolutely NO sense to me. This is where we always trip up.. he ignores a rule and it sends me into wondering what his motivation is, if he really wants the FLR at all. Is he just being stubborn for the sake of stubbornness? I don't believe that. Knight does things without thinking, he often does not understand my priorities, and acts contrary to what I would have requested had he asked, but he's never stubborn with me simply for the sake of being stubborn.

So.. WHY does something simple, like shaving, have to come down to me forcing him to comply?  Is he hoping to push me into forcing the issue?  I wish I understood this, because it's incredibly frustrating.

I'm not giving up this time. He is going to shave for me. I'm seriously thinking about tying him to he post of our bed, putting a blindfold on him, and shaving him. There's a good bit of hair there. Maybe once I have him blindfolded, I should get the electric trimmers and use those. Let him seriously wonder what the hell he's gotten himself into when he he hears me turn the trimmers on. Maybe then he'll pay attention to our written rules?

Outside of this one issue.. and the part of our bedtime routine that requires him to strip immediately after locking our bedroom door each night, knight is doing well. He completed his task list every day this week, and is close to completing his weekend list. He's following the rest of the rules, without question. Of course, the other rules are things he does or doesn't do anyway.

Yeah. Knight is being shaved this evening.

A Sweet Evening..

Weds. night was sweet.

Knight completed his bedtime routine almost without any prompting. I had to remind him to undress as soon as our bedroom door was locked. Once he was undressed, I reviewed his daily task list and we talked about flr stuff a bit. He said he's starting to calm down a bit, and settle in a little. He says he's starting to feel a little better.  

We settled in to watch this week's recorded Dr. Who. I remained dressed, and had knight lay with his head in my lap. As we watched the show, I played with his hair and ran my hands up and down his body. Knight has beautiful hair. He keeps it long, at my request. (I made a comment three weeks after we started dating - I told him I love long hair, and it would be fun to play with if his hair were long. He's only had his hair trimmed since)  His hair is longer than mine and I love playing with it. I love how his hair feels when it's spread out over me.  Playing with his hair calms me. Yesterday was a stressful day.. I needed calming and soothing. Running my hands through his hair, feeling his hair against me and massaging his scalp relaxed me and helped me let go of the day's stress.

After the show, I got undressed, had him curl up in my arms, and we went to sleep.

Thursday morning, I woke up early and woke him up by sucking his cock. I wanted to feel him get hard under my tongue.  I spent about 30 minutes teasing and edging him until it was time for him to get ready for work. I pulled him close to him, so that every inch of us was touching, kissed him deeply, and told him to get ready for work. He asked me for 5 more minutes just like that, and I granted his request. After the 5 minutes had passed, I told him to get up and ready for work, and he did.