Balancing FLR and Parenting

Is this an odd topic? I mean.. parenting and flr should be separate, right? Who crosses the two? I don't know about most women, but for me being "Mom" is a huge part of who I am.  I'm "Mom" before I'm anything else. It's been that way since the moment I learned I was pregnant with kid #1, 22 years ago.

  Sure, I'm other things: author, tech geek, head of a homeschool family,  musician, songwriter, wife, speaker of 3 languages, herbalist, naturopath, Reiki Master,.... etc., but before all of those things, I am "Mom" to six great kids. Two of those kids are young adults, and are out in the world making their own lives, one kid lives with her "other family" in another state. But, just because they are grown or live elsewhere does not change the fact that they are my kids, and they come first.

Now, before you go and tell me that my beliefs and attitudes set women back 100 years, understand that this is MY choice. I homeschool my kids, and have stayed out of the "out of home workforce" (I do work from home), by my choice. I don't do it because my knight wants me to, or because society tells me to. I don't give a rat's behind what "society" may or may not expect from me, and while I do care what my knight wants from me, he does not get to decide if I stay home with the kids. That decision is mine alone, and I expect him to support that decision whether he agrees or not. I do it because it feels right to me. I expect other women to make the choices that feel right to them, and I will firmly defend their right to make that choice whether I agree or not.


That said.. it's hard to feel sexy -- to feel sexily dominant - when I am home with the kids all day. From the minute I get up in the morning, until the last kid goes to bed at night, my focus is on being the best mom and teacher I can be. That includes running both my businesses, because I believe it's important to teach kids how to make their own money. My main focus is  being Mom. In the evening, when knight comes home from work, I'm expected to merge "Mom to the kids" with "leader of our marriage, and dominant partner."

I still don't know how to do that. Sure, I send knight his daily task list, and I manage all the house business, money, and calendars. For the most part, knight does as I tell him.. (the on-going issues aside), he does as I tell him all the time, regardless of who is around. If you asked my kids who is in charge around here, all six would tell you "Mom" with no hesitation.  I'm not talking about the every day routine stuff. I'm talking specifically about being flirty, sexy and dominant behind closed doors. I have a hard time flipping that switch once the kids are in bed.

I know the kind of dominant wife I want to be. I've given this a lot of thought. I think I know what kind of dominant my knight needs me to be. I think he needs to feel my dominance strongly. Experience has shown me that.

I want to be the dominant who teases often, who ties him up and makes out with my friend, or plays with my favorite sex toy in front of him.. just out of his reach. I want to be the dominant who punishes him when he needs it without worrying about what the kids will think if they find out. I want to be that wife who plays with his cock when he opens or closes a door for me, and who flirts and teases relentlessly. I want to send him erotic stories that I've written just to get him thinking about me at work.  Why? Because these  things turn me on.. they make me happy.  Okay. .the punishment thing does not turn me on, or make me happy, but I realize it's necessary.

And, yet, when the kids are in bed, and knight and I are locked away in the privacy of our bedroom I still have a difficult time turning off the mom part and turning on the sexy.  That's not to say that I baby and mother my knight. I don't. But, the mom part of me stops me and says, "you're a mom, you're not supposed to feel sexy. But, I know that's  not true. Those thoughts are not fact, are not real.. they are something from the back of my head.

I have an easier time of it when I'm away from the kids for an hour or two, but that doesn't happen very often. Ever try to find a babysitter for a 13 yr old with Autism? Yeah.. it's not so easy. Knight and I haven't gone out alone in 6 months. That's probably a big part of the problem. I never get away from 'being mom" Mom's are expected to always be in "mom mode". When you have a special needs kid it's even more demanding. Without time away from the kids I never get to switch out of mom mode. Sure, knight can take the kids out, or I can leave knight home with the kids and get a break that way.  But, the idea is to take the break together, so I can switch from mom mode to sexy dominant mode.

I'm not sure things are any clearer after writing this. Most of the time, writing it out helps, but this time not so much. I do know that if I could switch between the two more easily our flr stuff wouldn't get dropped or put on the back burner so often. The flr aspect of our marriage would be smoother.