Intimate Denial Experience

I have discovered that I like the emotional charge we get out of playing the denial game with my knight. He loves it, too.

Orgasm denial seems to bring us emotionally closer than typical sex ever could. Through his orgasm denial we  seem to have found emotional connection we both felt was missing. Sure we were open and connected emotionally before, but only on what felt like a surface level. We both craved something more.... intense. And I think we've found it.


To me, there is nothing sweeter or more emotionally charged than having my Knight lie in my arms after we make love, with is hard, throbbing cock resting in my hand or against me. Every so often as he's calming down I caress his cock just to listen to his continued moans of pleasure. I love it that he becomes so sensitive that simply putting my hand on his back sends shivers down his spine. And, I readily admit that love knowing he trusts me enough to give me complete control of his orgasms. There's no whining, no complaining and no objections when I bring our love making sessions to a close without allowing him to release. My sweet Knight simply curls up with me looking happy and completely contented. It's an amazing feeling, really.

Of course, the longest we've gone is a week and a half. We'll see how he reacts when we start to stretch that out to two weeks or more.  I probably won't go any longer than a month.  As much as I love his reactions when I deny him, I equally love watching the waves of sensation ripple through his body when he finally gets to release. Denial has made his orgasms so much stronger. It's a very cool thing.


Of course I need to learn to read him better, or I need to have him tell me when we're getting too close to that edge. I've missed the signs a couple of times and pushed him to a release when I didn't mean to.  And that it totally my fault. When I go too far, I let him ride out the orgasm and we start over.

Last night we were talking about the whole denial thing. I asked him if he's having fun with is. His answer, "How could I not? Why do you even question it?"  I pointed out that it's on thing to hand over all the decision making "power" especially since that really isn't much of a change from before. But it's an entirely different thing to give me that same control in the bedroom. His answer was "Of course I like it."  I then informed him of my intention to keep the denial thing going for a longer period than we've previously done before. I asked him if he wanted to know how long it will be, or if he'd rather be surprised.

My sweet Knight asked me to surprise him.

There is something incredibly sexy about that.

It's been about a month since I've posted to this blog. I've been busy with Christmas, making New Year preparations and dealing with teen drama. Yeah. Life's been hectic.

And through all the craziness of the last month my Knight has been amazing. It is such a wonderful thing to know I can give him specific directions and that those directions will be carried out. It's been freeing to know that I can delegate the less important tasks to him and they will be done. I admit that I still don't really understand WHY there is such an incredible difference in my Knight's behavior and reactions when I take the dominate role as opposed to taking a 50/50 position, but I'm not going to argue with it.  We are in a much better place than we were 6 months ago.

Thanksgiving Night

As I reflected on my life tonight, Thanksgiving 2011, I realized that one of the things I am deeply thankful for is that my knight and I finally figured out what it was that he wanted from me. I'm thankful that starting on this FLR path has helped us strengthen and preserve our marriage. If we had not started this FLR "thing" back in August, I doubt very much that my knight and I would still be together today. Instead of spending the day cooking and playing with the kids together we would have been trying to juggle the kids between two homes.

Starting a FLR instead of trying to shoehorn ourselves into a "traditional" relationship has saved our marriage. No, things are not perfect. But we are no longer fighting against each other to achieve the same goals. Before nobody was in charge.. we were trying to do things 50/50 and it did not work for us. My knight did not want to make the decisions and I saw his constant inability to take action as I thought he should as a serious character flaw. Now I understand that he was getting stuck on finding the decision that would make ME happy, and without guidance from me that was impossible

I am thankful that we are working saving our marriage.. that there is hope for our marriage again.

Local Groups

I wonder if talking to real people who are in a FLR would help me to stay on track and remember what I'm supposed to be doing here. I have found that I get busy with the day-to-day and forget to take my place as leader. With my knight working nights, it's easy to go on about my day and forget.

I need some sort of reminder that I am responsible for taking the leadership role with my knight. With him working nights it's easy to fall into taking care of house, kids, and my businesses and forget to manage my knight as well.

Last week I pretty much ignored the whole FLR thing without meaning to. My knight came home from work, we talked for 20 min or so and I sent him to bed. I woke him up in time for dinner and bedtime routines with the kids. We saw each other for a total of 3 hours, and during that time we were both occupied with kid related tasks. As soon as the kids are in bed, it's time for my knight to to leave for work. That leaves no time for much of anything.

We both missed the tease/denial game we had going on. At the same time the week I did that it was a lot of work and although I enjoyed the game, I didn't get much benefit from it. Actually, I started to resent it a little bit because I was doing *everything* from housework to cooking to kid care to running our businesses AND making the time to wake him up several times a day for a quick tease session. But.. when my knight was awake, he was too busy and tired to do much of anything.

When he was working day shift we didn't have that problem FLR was easy, natural and comfortable for both of us. I wanted to add the tease/denial to the mix because we have enjoyed it the handful of times I've introduced it as a game.

I need suggestions on making this work with him working nights. How do you go about finding *local* people who live the FLR life?

Maintaining Control

It's easy to maintain the new control dynamic when there is little going on at home. It's a lot harder when we're busy.  I need to do a better job of remember I'm the one in control when my knight is off from work.

His days off started off great. We continued our teasing game and were both having fun with it. Right up until the point things got hectic. Sure, I was still in control.. but I got caught up with my own work, kids, household stuff etc and forgot to have fun with it. By midnight last night, I was feeling a little bit neglected. And it was my own fault -- I gave my knight clear directions on what I needed him to do around the house and with the kids while he was off work, but I neglected to give him instructions as to what *I* wanted. In my head I had planned lots of massages and playtime for me. But I was miserably bad at telling him that.

This is going to take some practice.

An Assignment

Last night before I went to bed I gave my knight an assignment. Write a fantasy.. something I haven't heard before. He partially followed directions-- He wrote out the fantasy. But, it's not anything I didn't know about him. My sweet knight claims that what I asked of him is impossible because I already know all his fantasies. Either way.. the fiction below was written by my Knight.


He snapped a picture of them as they kissed.

This was his fantasy, but of course it was hers, as well.  He stepped back, and moved down the bed, taking picture after picture of hands caressing, fingers teasing, bodies pressed together.

The kiss ended, and one mouth, tongue trailing, traveled from lips to chin to neck, with an occasional pause to nibble.  He took a picture of teeth on her chin, another of a fluttering kiss on her Adam's apple, and one more of teasing tongue flickering, tauntingly, over her right nipple.  He looked up, to catch her eye, but both were closed as she focused on things besides him, so he went back to his camera.

The tongue continued to travel, leaving a slight shimmering trail between her breasts, down her stomach, and twirling lazily a dozen laps around her navel.  For a moment, blonde hair fell, and blocked his view, but before he could reach for it and clear the image, before he could even comment on it, a free hand whisked it out of the viewfinder, just before the tongue trailed down through her pubic hair and disappeared, out of sight, playing, teasing, seeking her clitoris.  He took a picture of that, too, and of her back arching completely off the bed when that tongue found it.

He stepped close for a close-up, and the owner of the tongue obliged, spreading her pussy lips wide to show tongue teasing her clit.  Hands wrapped firmly around thighs to keep the bucking body from squirming totally out of reach of the questing, probing, flicking tongue.  And he stepped back for a few full-body shots, showing the blonde hair spilling across her thighs, and the red flush that started in her cheeks and spread nearly to her nipples, and one close-up shot of a fist, twisted in sheet, clenched tightly, almost ripping the fabric.

He took a series of pictures of her head thrown back, moaning softly, muscles tight in her neck, as her body bucked and arched and quivered through an orgasm, and then a stronger, more powerful one that had her entire body except her head completely off the bed.

And one more photo, of her eyes barely open, of a smile upon her lips, and a tongue that just peeked out from between those lips, as the blonde hair trailed up her body and nestled in the crook of her arm.  He smiled at the look on her face; she smiled back, and reached for his zipper.

The last picture he took before the camera was completely forgotten was of two tongues, touching playfully, teasing each other, as they darted and played hide-and-seek around the  purple tip of his erection.

When The Rest of the Family Doesn't Get It.

Tonight we were all eating dinner and watching a movie together. A few minutes after my knight finished eating I asked him to get us some cake. Then I told the kids they could each have a piece of leftover birthday cake when they were done eating.

My 16 yr old daughter accused me of being unfair to my knight for asking him get up and get me cake. Now, my daughter doesn't know anything about the FLR arrangement between me and my knight, but when you get right down to it, in the practical day-to-day NOTHING has changed since our move to FLR. My knight has always deferred to me, done things for me and tried to anticipate my needs and wants. From day one his behavior has been that of a faithful knight, looking for ways to serve his queen. So,to my daughter's eyes nothing has changed, except my knight and I no longer argue. 



A year or so ago, my daughter asked me my knight does so many things for me that I can do myself. I simply told her that it makes him feel needed, and it makes him happy. She told me that she thinks I'm bossing him around and being unfair and demanding. This was before FLR came into our life.

She's entitled to her opinion, but really.. it's none of her business.
The logistics of my relationship with my knight (who is not her father) is between him and me.

I am perfectly willing to explain the basics of a FLM with her so that she can understand why I am in charge. Her bio father is in a very religious based male-led marriage, and she readily accepts that in that house, he is in charge and his wife is expected to follow his lead. So, why is it so difficult to understand that her mom and step-dad have the exact opposite arrangement for different reasons?

Any suggestions from the more experienced among you?