Habits

Yesterday, I picked knight up from work and we headed to choir practice.  On the drive to choir practice he started singing to the radio - the song was of your typical "you are my entire world" variety. Knight almost NEVER sings to the radio. He made it clear that he was singing to me,and that the words were directed to me. With a squeeze of my hand and a very pointed look, I understood this was his way of meeting the requirement that he show dedication to me as his wife, and the head of our flr.  The kids were in the van with us, so something more obvious and direct was not appropriate. I acknowledged is intent, and that was the end of it.

When I called bedtime, knight very directly asked if there was anything else he could do for me before we went to bed.  I told him no, I needed nothing else from him, we could go to bed.

Those two things show me that knight understood the change in rules, and was attempting to comply. It's going to take him more time to comfortable using words like "obey" and "submit/submissive," and to be outright and open expressing his dedication. As long as I see progress, I'm satisfied.


This morning, we both forgot that knight was supposed to get up early and make breakfast and coffee. We stayed in bed and cuddled while we woke up slowly. I had two orgasms, and then played with his cock long enough that we were late leaving to get knight to work.

We were halfway to his office when I realized we had both forgotten about the change in our morning routine. I asked knight if he had remembered, and it was obvious he forgot too.  I told him I will add an extra day on the end of the required week.

I've been thinking about this all morning. Knight and I tend to be creatures of routine. Creating new routines and forming new habits is difficult for both of us. It's easier for me than for him, but that's not saying much.

I think our tendency toward clinging to our routines is a big part of our problem. We have fallen into a flr routine that is difficult to break. It's up to me to break the routine and bring about more openness and discussion about flr matters to our day. It's become habit not to talk about it because knight was uncomfortable admitting he wanted this. Now that he has admitted to me out loud that he wants flr, and needs flr, it's my job to change our daily habits to include more open discussion, and more flr focused sex play. (because I want to see where that leads - but that's another topic).

I'm going to have to be diligent in order to change these habits for both of us. Knight will follow my lead, I'm sure of that, but I need to be consistent because if I drop it or forget, knight won't remind me. He told me the other day that he assumes I forget nothing. So if I don't initiate leadership, he assumes he's upset me and I don't want to lead. Which has been another part of our problem. I get busy or stressed, and I fall back into old habits and forget to lead.. instead of reminding me that I have a role to fill, knight tells himself I'm mad at him, and starts "punishing" himself by screwing things up and making me mad at him. Because in his head If I drop the flr, it's his fault.

Bottom line.. if I want new habits to be built, it's my responsibility to build them for both of us.