On my post titled "Scheduled Review" At all Times said:
I might be wrong, but from what you are saying, I just wonder if he is just trying to manipulate you into becoming a far more strict and dominant wife then you maybe prepared for.
If he is like many submissive men, he will have in mind a way of life, a type of fantasy, in which he is subjected to various forms of ritual submissions, punishments and even humiliations. For most, this type of fantasy life is impossible to live out, unless of course, your wife is very understanding or enjoys being that dominant.
You maybe just that, but unless he doesn't really want a FLR or is not really a submissive, then I can only assume that his failure not to complete his tasks or treat you with the respect and obedience that you deserve, then he must be trying to encourage you to greater strictness and impose punishments.
During the course of my response to him.. I came to a realization. My knight's submissive desires all revolve around cuckholding and bondage.
He's shared multiple fantasies with me where I go off and and have sex with another guy and either "make him watch" or tell him about it later. Since the day we got together, I have had open permission to sleep with whomever I choose, while he understands that he is most certainly not allowed to have sex with anyone else unless I expressly give permission. He's not even allowed to flirt. (and, no, he never pushed for, or expected anything else) His only request was that I either share pictures /video with him, or tell him every last detail. (this was before we moved to flr). I've never acted on that permission. He wants me to tie him up and bring a friend so that the two of us play with each other and him while he's unable to do much about it. He comments about me "getting a boyfriend (or a girlfriend)"
Now.. here's the thing.. I'm not opposed to exploring these things with my knight, as long as I am in complete and total control of the situation. But, at the same time,I don't want to do anything that could put our marriage in jeopardy. I have told him that I will consider these things when I feel the flr portion of our relationship is strong enough to handle it. He understands that if I were to do any of these things, he would not be allowed to have any contact at all with the person outside of sessions I set up. In his ideal world, my boyfriend or girlfriend would either live really close or would actually live with us-- but that's not going to happen.
My realization was that maybe I'm approaching this wrong. My goal has to been to get the every day 24/7 part of the flr firmly established before I let him explore fantasy stuff. But.. maybe.. just maybe I should be using the fantasy stuff to help establish the 24/7 portion. No, I have no intention of going out and finding someone to join us. But, I should be using his fantasies ... teasing him with them, encouraging him to think about them.. helping to form them in his head in order to underscore the idea of my control.
Some times I have a hard time telling my Queen what it is I want, especially when we haven't made being intimate with each other a priority. I feel the walls go up around me, and i internalize my thoughts instead of sharing them. When we are intimate, when we have sex a lot, I feel closer to her I feel I can share everything with her. I feel we become one. When I read your on the fence about orgasm denial blog post. I thought about how little intimacy you seem to have given your knight, and I think he must have that intimacy in order to trust you enough with his thoughts.
ReplyDeleteNow I'm not into being humiliated, are being cuckolded, I'm the sensitive type, with trust issues too boot, I so I think that cuckolding him might be his fantasy, and great pillow talk, it might get him hard. But sometimes are cock and mind are at war with each other, and it could also destroy him, his trust in you, and your marriage. This man is the father of your children, your love. So you might want consider keeping it pillow talk, if only to protect him from himself.
I try very hard to build intimacy, closeness,and trust with him. When we talk about it, he says he wants that closeness, but when it's staring him in the face he runs and hides. I know why he reacts that way, and we're working on it.
ReplyDeleteWe had a friend join us in bed a couple times. He was an old boyfriend of mine from high school who was recently separated from his wife. It was my decision, but my knight encouraged it every step of the way. He brought the subject up, and at first I told him no because I didn't want to damage the trust between us. The more we talked about it, the more comfortable I became with the idea. Finally I laid down some ground rules and approached my friend. He and I decided to make it happen. He joined us occasionally for several months. My biggest rule was that my knight had to be present and aware of everything that happened. My friend wasn't even allowed to kiss me if my knight wasn't there. When he decided he wanted to reconcile with his wife, I stopped the encounters.
My knight reacted like I had given him the coolest gift possible. After every session I asked my knight if he as okay.. if he was having problems. His answer was always the same, "are you kidding me? It's a dream come true." During most of these sessions, my knight was not permitted or orgasm. He looked forward to the next time, and was disappointed when we stopped getting together with my friend. Shortly after I ended the encounters, my knight started asking me if we could find a replacement. I explained to him that the only reason it worked for me that time was because the "extra" was an old boyfriend. Sex for me is totally and completely about feelings, and not so much about the physical. I'm not a casual sex kind of girl.. if there are no feelings involved, the acts do nothing for me. I let it happen only because it was my knight's fantasy.
During these couple of months, my knight was the most attentive guy possible. He didn't shy away from emotional closeness with me, he was open, and talked about things he never would open up about before.
Some guys are wired different that's for sure. I could never be a cuckold, it would kill me.
ReplyDeleteI think sometime men and women see things so different. I need sex in order to feel close to my wife. She needs to feel close in order to have sex. We long ago put this the rest when we started making time for some sort of sex almost everyday. Most of the time it's twice tho, since she likes me to wake her sexually in the morning and she likes her orgasm before falls asleep..I'm very lucky man. And i let her know it by caring for her every need. I can feel my wife glow with love for me, and I her. We have never in 20 years been more in love.
ReplyDeleteIn the last couple of posts You have written knight with a lower case "k". i think that is proper and reflective of growth. Based on prior posts i would not have guessed that You allowed a friend in to share Your bed. i believe You have that right and if it moves knight to embrace Your FLR, then i think You can use that to improve knight's behavior. You do not have to take on a full time lover, but You can use the idea and fantasy as a motivator. i do beleave in the power of chastity cages and panties. They keep subby in a correct frame of mind. When knight is waiting and not answering Your question he might have to give up any reward points You might grant him in the future. You are on the right track and You are moving forward. Wonderful ....
ReplyDeleteThe insight you have given on your relationship was very interesting and, now , I think I have a better understanding of where knight is coming from. The fact that his desires revolve around cuckolding and bondage, yet he doesn't like the term submissive or is uncomfortable talking about chastity just doesn't fit. I think he is afraid to tell you how deep and dark his desires are for fear you will never think the same or have respect for him again. My next paragraph is to knight himself.
ReplyDeleteKnight, there are literally hundreds, maybe thousands, of us submissive guys out here striving to cultivate a FLR with our spouse. A few spouse's embrace it, some mildly participate out of love, and a large portion outright reject it. Yet we continue to try. Many submissive men out there would cut off their right arm to have a spouse such as yours, yet you seem to be just screwing it up and blowing off an absolutely wonderful opportunity to have what many will only dream of. You need to shed your fears and come clean to your wife about what it is you really want and need in your life, no matter what you fear she may think of you. She is stronger than you think. Open up your mind and heart to her. I fear there is a limit to her patience and understanding and you may be approaching that limit soon. You have been given a gift. Don't blow it!!