Tuesday, January 7, 2014

Slow Progress

In the last 2 days my Knight has been reprimanded for:
1. taking the bank card out of my wallet without my knowledge
2. Telling me he was going to fast food, instead of swinging home, or into a grocery store for a quick snack instead.
3. Leaving work without telling me. 
4. Not copying me on an important legal email.

Numbers two and three happened yesterday afternoon, and were part of the same incident. He had an appointment after work and sent me an email saying he had already eaten the lunch and snack he'd taken to work that morning and was heading to Taco Bell for food on the way to his appointment. He sent the email and then left.  The first problem with this is that we don't eat fast food. I am very health aware. We might eat fast food/junk food once every 2 or 3 months. Stopping at Taco Bell was not okay with me. Add to that the fact that we had budget snag that was completely out of our control earlier this pay period, and I told him not to spend anything that was not an absolute necessity. Fast food is NEVER a necessity So, I answered his email that.. No, he was not to go to Taco Bell. He could run home and grab a snack from the fridge to tide him over until dinner. I answered his email within 2 minutes of getting it, but he did not hang around and wait for an answer.. he hit send and left. Again.. not okay. So I sent him a text and told him he was expected to come home and grab a snack, that Taco Bell was not okay with me.

He got my text before he even left his office's parking garage. So,he came home, got food, and went to his appointment. As he was leaving, I told him we would deal with both the Taco Bell and the bank card portions of this that evening.
When he got home, I took the bank card and put in my wallet. (We have a joint bank account, but Knight does not have his own bank card.)

I told him the card would start living in my wallet again.

Number 1, happened this morning. Knight took the bank card out of my wallet without telling me. Granted, he did so in order to put gas in the van this morning, so my daughter didn't have to do it. But.. he knows that if the card is in my wallet he is supposed talk to me BEFORE he gets it. He did not tell me until several hours after he got to work.

As for the last one.. the appointment last night was of a legal nature, and the other party did not show up. Knight needed to email our lawyer and a third person to inform the. He remembered to do this on his own last night, but didn't bcc me on the email, as he has been instructed to do on ALL emails of this nature. I found out when he replied to his emailed list this am, with, "That's done. I did it yesterday when I got home." On one hand, I'm glad he remembered to do this. I made it a list item because he usually forgets to email the lawyer about these things. On the other hand.. I need to be kept in the loop, which means BCCing me on everything.

Unlike in the recent past, my knight has been reprimanded for each and every one of this minor infractions.

In an email today he said something that came across as attitude. "K. Whatever. I'm tired of fighting"

I asked him about it, and pointed out that he *asked* go back to flr. Then I asked if that was because he is "tired of fighting", or because he truly wanted the flr. He answered that he wants the flr, and the tired of fighting comment was unrelated.

I told him that we have never been closer than we were when I kept very strict flr rules.. and that I want that closeness with him back.


  1. I think that with all the past experience you two have with FLR you can see now that there is a disconnect if you are not actively in the FLR. He clearly needs and wants it even if he still struggles to accept it and as you pointed out you want the closeness that you two share when you are active with it, so I would say continue to step it up, keep him in line, don't let anything get lax. It could be that he won't fully relax or come into his own as the submissive in the FLR until he truly feels your total control over him. I am glad to see you two are back.

  2. Of course, he's not a child and you don't want a relationship with an immature man. But he's a sub and he has duties as well as needs. His duty is to serve you, to obey you but his need is to be controlled and feel your authority.
    As a dom, you also have requirements and duties. The requirement to be obeyed but also the duty to respond his needs. FLR is an exchange. I encourage you to punish him. It's an act of love. You don't have to beat him, corner time, privation of sex, of free time, written assignment, etc. Be creative. FLR is also a pleasure of creation.

  3. Have you considered corporal punishment? My wife and I have been on our FLR journey for a couple of years and have experienced many of the ups and downs that you have. About 6 months ago, we agreed to add spanking to our relationship and it has had a huge positive effect.

    We have a disciplinary session once per week where I get 20 swats as a base and additional swats for transgressions during the previous week. My wife reviews the mistakes I have made or things I have forgotten or done poorly and adds additional swats using her judgement on what she thinks the transgressions deserve.

    It really helps to reinforce our roles (no more petulant "whatevers" from me!), definitely serves as a deterrent, and allows my wife to feel like she has addressed the issues without becoming frustrated. We also have agreed to a punishment session (vs a disciplinary session described above), where I would get a severe spanking if I really screw up or disrespect her. She has warned me that if I get one of those, I will really regret it and I believe it. It is amazing what that threat can do to temper an ill-advised outburst...

    Anyway, good luck, I thought I would just share something that has worked for us.



Knight has a thing for body piercings. I have a couple piercings that he gets to play with and take photos of when he's been really good...