Monday, January 20, 2014

Wasting my time?

I feel like I am completely failing at this. Once again my knight is not following basic rules, and then trying to justify his actions. It's annoying, pointless, and makes me question my ability to maintain flr. On one hand, I feel like I'm being petty, but on the other hand his refusal to follow simple instructions is making a difficult situation (which he caused) even more difficult.

After we found out his severance check will be delayed, I told my knight not to spend money that is not absolutely necessary. We're not exactly sure when the severance check will be here. I know when the check will be issued, but I can't get a solid answer on whether it will be mailed or direct deposited. Obviously, that makes a difference in when we actually have the money to spend on bills.

On Saturday evening, I sent my knight to the store for a few things. When I send him to the store, he is expected to stick to the list. It's been that way for years..even before flr. If he wants to get anything not on the list, he's expected to send me a text to ask first. Again.. this is nothing new. That's been our general operating procedure for going on 9 years now, and he usually follows that rule. Except on Saturday he didn't. He decided to buy a few extra things that were not on the list. When I questioned him about it he said he "wanted to make you happy. You had a long day"

Yeah. NO. You were given a list, and and you were expected to follow that list. He's right.Saturday was a long, tiring day. In fact, it took me most of Sunday to recover. But.. buying me "a present" did not make me feel better. It just pissed me off, and made me feel like this whole flr dynamic is a waste of my time, energy and effort. The first time I tried to talk to him about it, he tried to make it sound like I was being silly and just a bit cheap. But, I told him he was wrong. If he wants to keep flr, then he is expected to follow my guidelines, rules and expectations 100% of the time. I told him that THIS is why I tend to drop the flr. Because he pulls dumb garbage like this, and that it makes me wonder why the hell I even bother.

He apologized, and said he'd do better. But, I'm not so sure. This is exactly the kind of dumb stuff I was dealing with before flr.. just on a lessor scale. Before flr, he would have spent $200 off budget, instead of just the $10 he spent on Saturday. But.. $200 or $10 it's the same thing. I asked him to do something, and I couldn't trust him to do it right.

I asked him once again, if he wanted to keep flr. He said yes. I asked him flat out what his is trying to accomplish with this behavior. His only response was "I just wanted you to be happy."  Well.. I call bullshit. If he'd wanted me to be happy, he would have done what I asked of him.


  1. If you saved the receipt he could return the items not on the list.

  2. I like I'm Hers idea, make him go return what he should not have bought. Then make him pay a penalty in some form of punishment for each dollar he spent that he should not have.

    Who knows why subby men do some of the things they do. I wouldn't make it into more than it is though. Sometimes their good intentions end up being wrong, because they fail to follow their rules, but when it comes from a good intention it is hard to say that it is because he doesn't want the FLR. He says he wants it, yet he screwed up. My slave genuinely wants to be my slave, and yet sometimes he behaves in a way that leaves me shaking my head, like what I posted about on my blog tonight. I am not going to throw in the towel though and give up our M/s, I am going to make sure he learns the error of his ways.

  3. Is he locked up in chastity? If he is, then when the time comes for his release you remind him he broke the rules, and then thank him for his sacrifice. Tell him it was sweet but thoughtless. But don't waste your energy stressing over his thoughtless mistak, let him stress over it instead. You should relax and enjoy a back rub are something, curtesy of your knight.

    1. No, he is not locked. But he is also not permitted to masturbate or orgasm without my permission. I'm thinking about buying him a device for punishment purposes.

  4. I did have him return the item the next day, and he was punished for purchasing something not on his list without permission. I dealt with the situation immediately when he came home. But.. just the fact that he did it knowing full well he shouldn't not have is what's bothering me.

    It seems to me that when a person agrees to an flr or D/s dynamic they have a responsibility to uphold their end of the agreement. Doing otherwise just dooms the dynamic to fail. He says he wants the flr.. when I drop it, he asks for it back.. every single time. So, I have come to believe this is what he wants. Then, why not follow instructions? To do anything else just stinks of game playing to me.



Knight has a thing for body piercings. I have a couple piercings that he gets to play with and take photos of when he's been really good...